Adventures of the Challenged
by ketmj
Summary: Series of random adventures during the seven year time skip.
1. Miria's Birthday

_Miria's Birthday_

Tabitha: Yuma, Cynthia and I got you some new hair ties for your birthday.

Miria: Thanks.

Yuma: Yeah, that one glows in the dark!

Miria: Oh, ummm… wow that's really nice. Thanks.

Cynthia: Ooooo, I made that one.

Miria: Really? How? It looks very unusual. What did you make it out of?

Cynthia: Oh, I made it from the pieces of Rigardo's fur I found.

Miria: Rigardo's fur?

Cynthia: Yeah, Tabitha, Yuma and I dug up his pieces and I yanked out some of his hair.

Miria: Hah Hah… Ummm… Thank you _(Ugh! That's disgusting! I have got to ditch this thing!)_

Deneve: Here's your cake.

Miria: That's a brick.

Deneve: It's a brick with a cake drawn on it. I made you a real one but Helen ate it.

Helen: I was hungry! You could have made another one.

Deneve: I didn't feel like it.

Miria: I'm really feeling loved right now.

Helen: Here's a bag of apples! Just ignore the parts that have already been eaten.

Miria: _Ewwwwwwwwwww_................

Helen: Clare! Whatcha get Miria?

Clare: A bucket of rocks.

Miria: A bucket of rocks?

Clare: I thought that you'd like to throw then at Helen.

Helen: Huh!?

Miria: Thanks!

Helen: Oww!!!!!!!!

Deneve: Clare, you just wanted to get Helen back for tripping you and then making fun of you saying that you were a klutz yesterday.

Clare: Yep, popcorn?

Deneve: Thanks!

They all watched Miria pelt Helen with rocks until a well aimed rock hit her and knocked her out.


	2. Gruesome Death Club

Gruesome Death Club

One year after the Northern War the Gruesome Death Club decided for no reason whatsoever to recruit new members.

Undine: I got my arms diced into pieces and then I was slashed!

Flora: I got stabbed in my head and then I was split in two!

Random members: Ooooooooooo cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ridgardo: That's nothing! I was chopped into ity bity pieces by someone growing blades out of their body!

Random members: Wow that's gruesome! Can we have your autograph?

Rigardo: Haha! I'm way more popular here without Isley hanging around! What happened to you Luciella?

Luciella: I was hugged to death.

Complete silence and then they all burst out laughing.

Rigardo: Ahahahaha! You were hugged to death? That's pathetic!

Ophelia: Ahahaha! You can't join the Gruesome Death Club.

Dead awakened one: You can join our club Luciella.

Luciella: Really? What's it called?

Dead awakened one: The Pathetic Death Club. I was skipping along a mountainside and accidently set off a rock slide and a huge boulder smashed my head. I wasn't allowed to join the Gruesome Death Club because they said it was death by stupidity. So I made my own.

Luciella: Wait!!! I was just joking before I didn't get hugged to death! My death was horribly gruesome! Uh, I was fighting Isley and he was like wham and I got hit by a bunch of spears! Yeah that's right! And ummm Smash! Pow! Bang! Then I got hit by some arrow thingy and that like hurt! Then Wham! Slash! and then uhh I got cut up a lot! Yeah and then ummmm.....it was totally gruesome!

They didn't believe her and security was called and they had to drag her away. She ended up forming her own club however called the Society for Loving Unappreciated Gruesome and Entertaining Deaths or S.L.U.G.E.D., but was commonly referred to by the Gruesome Death Club as sluged. For some reason it didn't really catch on and really ended up being the new name for the Pathetic Death Club.


	3. Field Trip

Field Trip

Halloween day the Gruesome Death Club decided to go on a field trip and visit one of the last people to see them before they died.

Teresa: Hey what are you guys doing here?

Irene: I came to scare… I mean visit Clare, she was one of the last people I saw.

Noel: Sophia and I had nowhere else to go.

Irene: What about a visit to Pricilla?

Sophia: We aren't talking to her! It's that idiot's fault we're dead! Besides Clare was like the last person we saw before we died.

Jean: Hey you guys know Clare too?

Rigardo: What are you guys doing here?

Teresa: We came to scare Clare.

Rigardo: You can't scare her! _I_ came to scare her!

Teresa: We were here first. Go somewhere else lion boy.

Rigardo: No fair! I wanted to scare her! I even came up with a master plan to scare her!

Flora: Oh, are we all seeing Clare?

Rigardo: Oh no not another one! You know is there something wrong with Clare? It seems that an awful lot of people who know her seem to be dead.

Irene: You know I haven't really noticed, but now you mention it…..

Teresa: Anyway, now there are seven of us.

Rigardo: We can't all go some of us have to leave.

Flora: Why can't we all go? It'll be fun.

Rigardo: But…..

Teresa: Oh shut up and come on unless you want to be left behind furry.

Rigardo: Fine… _Hey_ stop coming up with stupid nicknames!

Now in front of Clare

Rigardo: Rarrrr!!!!!!! This is no fun if she's asleep!

Irene: What your master plan didn't plan for her to be asleep, fuzzy?

Rigardo: Shut up, and I thought I said stop calling me stupid names.

Irene: That was Teresa not me _kitty_.

Rigardo: That's it!!!

Teresa: Stop it now fluffy, unless you want to be sent home! (Rigardo:_ Fluffy?_ Why is everyone so _mean_ to me?)Now Clare's asleep, but it's ok I know how to wake her up.

Clare: Ow!!!! Who kicked me?!

Teresa: HEY DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO STAY HUMAN YOU IDIOT! DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?

Clare: AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dead people: AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(Rigardo: RARR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

The screaming wakes up Miria and the others and they look at the scene in front of Clare with much confusion. Sensing that their trip was a success Teresa and company leave while Clare and the others are left to contemplate what just happened.

The next morning

Miria: In conclusion to this morning's meeting we are never getting water from that place ever again.


	4. Pranks with Helen

Pranks with Helen

Helen: Argh!!! I'm sooo Bored!!! There's nothing to do here!!

Deneve: You could train or help me clean the cave.

Helen: Boooriing! Oh look it's Clare!

Deneve: What evil thing are you planning?

Helen: Hehehe! This will be great!

Deneve: Whatever it is you're planning to do don't.

Helen: This'll be fun!

Helen super stretched her leg and kicked Clare down and her head went smack on the ground.

Helen: Uh Oh, here she comes! Quick hide!

Deneve: Why do I still hang out with you?

Helen: Bwahaha!!! She's gone! Ahahaha! Did you see that she didn't even know what hit her! Ahahaha!

Deneve: I think she had a pretty good idea and if she finds you she'll tie you up into a giant pretzel.

Helen: Yeah right! Oooooooo look it's Miria! (An evil grin spreads across her face)

Deneve: Don't she'll kill you.

Helen: Oh you worry too much. This will be the mother of all pranks!

Deneve: I don't know you. I was never here. I'm leaving.

Helen super stretched her leg and kicked at Miria. Unfortunately for Helen, Miria knew what was coming and all Helen kicked was a phantom. Miria appeared behind the now confused and terrified Helen and gave her a black eye and a lump on her head.

Helen: Ouch! She didn't have to hit me so hard.

Clare: Hello Helen.

Helen: Uh oh. Ah… hi Clare. Um… your hair is looking nice…

Clare used Helen's rubber like ability to tie her into a giant pretzel.

5 hours later

Deneve: I told you so.


	5. Pranks with Helen Part 2

Pranks with Helen part 2

Yuma: Are you sure this is ok?

Helen: Of course! It'll be fine, besides Miria loves to have pranks pulled on her.

Deneve: Isn't that a blatant lie? No good will come of this plan. Don't you remember when Clare tied you into a giant pretzel and left you like that for five hours?

Helen: Nothing bad will happen because this time I'm not going to do anything to Clare. See here's the plan, Miria comes around the corner while we hide behind Rigardo and roar. Miria will be like Ah!!!!!! It'll be awesome! Ok Yuma use some more snow to make Rigardo's hair spikier.

Deneve: You never listen, I'm leaving, Yuma are you coming?

Yuma: Helen are you sure we aren't going to get into trouble?

Helen: Positive what could go wrong? You're staying to help me.

Yuma was torn between not wanting to get into trouble and being included in something decided to stay and finish the giant Rigardo snow lion.

Helen: Oh here she comes! Ok Yuma here we go. Rarrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unbeknownst to them Miria was not alone and neither did she scream as they had imagined. Many things happened at once. Clare, who was with Miria, rushes at them screaming Kill! Kill! Kill! Yuma completely looses it and runs away screaming and crying and runs into Deneve, who had decided to stay and watch the fun, and had to be slapped by Deneve because she had become hysterical. Helen who most unfortunately didn't run away was kicked in the head by Clare as she went blazing through Rigardo the snow lion.

Helen: Clare! Ouch! Stop Clare! Heel Clare! That hurt! No Clare! Don't Attack!

Clare: Kill! Kill! Kill!

Helen: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miria: _Sigh_…… I suppose we should save Helen from Clare it could be problematic if she gets killed.

Miria goes to where Clare is chasing Helen around in circles and smashes Clare's face into the ground. Unfortunately smashing her face into the ground doesn't work and she is forced to kick Clare into space using the Teresa Kick. Helen who was on the ground with two black eyes and a broken arm received two extra lumps on her head from Miria, one for being the master mind of the plan and another for traumatizing Yuma. Clare eventually left her orbit and fell back down to the ground ten minutes later.


	6. Nicknames with Clare

It's time for fun nicknames with Clare!

Clare: Ok first of all I think it would be fun if we had nicknames like Miria.

Group: Oh that's great!

Clare: So in that spirit I have personally thought of nicknames for all of you.

Deneve: You thought these up? ( Inner Deneve: _If it's something embarrassing I'll kill you_).

Clare: So first is Helen, you can be Pretzel Girl.

Helen: Huh? That's a horrible nickname think of another one.

Clare: No

Deneve: Ahahahaha!!! That's a perfect name for you!

Clare: Next is Cynthia, you are No Pants Girl.

Cynthia: No fair! It's not my fault you guys forgot to get me pants when you went to get new clothes! Why do I have to be punished for your mistake?!

Helen: Look at it this way no one will ever forget it.

Cynthia sits and pouts in a corner while the other two fear for the worse and Deneve thinks of different ways to kill Clare by making it look like an accident.

Clare: Ok Tabitha you can be Tabitha the Amazing Voyeur.

Tabitha: No way! I am _not_ going by that nickname!

Clare: Why not it's what your ability is?

Cynthia: Hehe yeah Tabitha it accurately describes what you can do.

Tabitha: Shut up No Pants Girl.

Clare: Hmmm…… Next is Deneve, you are Madam Sunshine Giggles.

Deneve: No (Inner Deneve: _You're dead_) (Helen starts to laugh but quickly stops after receiving a death glare that froze her blood from Deneve.)

Clare: Yes that's your new nickname, I was thinking about Madam Grumpy Pants but I like the other one better.

Yuma: Umm… (Hide! I must hide before I become the next victim!)

Clare: Yuma! (Yuma: Oh no she saw me!) You are Invisible Yuma, cause no one ever notices you.

Deneve: Hey Clare what's your nickname? I'm thinking of some really good ones for you right now.

Clare: Oh look Miria is back! Sorry I don't have time to tell you mine, bye bye.

Clare didn't really escape getting a nickname from the others and they started calling her Clarenstein. This prompted shouting match of the nicknames back and forth at each other that eventually annoyed Miria so much that she prohibited the use of them, except hers of course.


	7. Cynthia's Revenge

Cynthia's Revenge

Helen: Clare!!! Guess what! We brought back new clothes!!!!!

Deneve: Here's the box pick your own stuff.

Clare: Ummm.... It seems that you guys forgot to get enough clothes for everyone.

Deneve: Really? Let me see they're six of us……

Clare: No, there's seven you counted wrong.

Helen: Oh yeah we forgot to count Yuma. (Yuma: I feel loved)

Deneve: Well, who are we missing now?

Clare: Cynthia, she's out getting food.

Helen: Oh well then that's ok she's always so happy and bubbly she won't mind not having pants.

Clare: True and if that doesn't work you could always say they're invisible. (Cynthia, who had just gotten back, heard the entire conversation.)

Cynthia: Just wait I'll have my revenge no one will escape me! I know where you all sleep!

Months later

Cynthia: I'm finally ready to exact my revenge on those who forgot my pants and Clare who gave me that horrid nickname No Pants Girl! Even though Miria prohibited the use of it everyone is still secretly calling me that. You will regret the day you messed with me! (Insert evil Cynthia laugh of choice).

Cynthia somehow finds pink and purple writing instruments and drew smiley faces, smiling suns and flowers, singing and dancing flowers and all sort of cute things all over Deneve's swords. She then hid the writing instruments in Helen's things. When Deneve came back from getting water she was horrified to see the new decorations on her beloved claymores and immediately suspects Helen and whacks her after finding the writing things in her stuff.

Days later

Cynthia: Now to the second phase of my revenge Yuma. (Cynthia somehow finds black sunglasses and a black hat and sneaks up behind Yuma who was standing all alone humming to herself.) Yuuuumaaaa!

Yuma: Ah!!!!!! Rubel !!!!!! (Yuma faints right on the spot convinced that Rubel found her. Several hours later Miria accidently steps on Yuma's unconscious body and finds the hat and sunglasses in Helen's things. Helen gets whacked by Miria for pretending to be Rubel).

Helen: Ouch! Why did I get blamed for scaring Yuma, although it was a brilliant prank, I didn't do it!

Deneve: Well you have to admit, it does sound like something you would do.

Clare: Hey, have you noticed that Cynthia has been acting kinda weird?

Helen: What do you mean?

Clare: Well she's been walking around talking and laughing to herself.

Deneve: Hmmm… Ah she's fine, besides maybe her happy side's finally cracked her.

Weeks later

Cynthia: Now to the final stage of my revenge Clare (again she finds a writing instrument by unknown means and while they're all sleeping writes on their respective swords the nicknames Clare gave to all of them except Miria; Tabitha the Amazing Voyeur, No Pants Girl on her own sword, Invisible Yuma, Pretzel Girl for Helen, Madam Sunshine Giggles on Deneve's, and then Cynthia came up with one that was bound to make Miria mad; Windbag Miria. She then hid the writing instrument in Clare's things and awaited the morning with much glee. Since Clare was the only one without a special name and the writing instrument was found in her things she was blamed. Miria furious at being called windbag kicked Clare and she was forced to do several unpleasant chores. No one ever suspected Cynthia).

Cynthia: (insert evil Cynthia laugh of choice) My revenge is compleeeee… Agh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( At that moment the cliff she was dancing on gave way and she fell breaking her leg).


	8. Bedtime Stories with Galatea

Bedtime Stories With Galatea

Little girl: Sister Latea! Tell us a bedtime story please!!!!

Other Children: Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Galatea: Ummmm ok (_Bedtime story?_)

Little boy: Yeah something adventurous!

Galatea: Adventure? Oh I know! Ok so there was this warrior named ummmmm………. Oh I know The Wise One. And one day The Wise One was told to find the biggest trouble maker in all the land and her name was Cla… I mean Stupid One. Wise One followed her into a dark mountain that had body parts of monsters scattered all over the place. When she found her, Stupid One was about to get her head smashed by this big ugly monster with huge rods sticking out all over its ugly body. (At this point the little girl that was sitting on Galatea's lap started shaking, but Galatea who was oblivious to the reason thought she was trembling with excitement). The very kind Wise One saved the very troublesome Stupid One from the ugly monster and from his friend the evil little brat repeatedly and all she got for her trouble were broken ribs, a concussion and getting impaled by a rod.

Priest: Uh Sister Latea I think it's time for them to go to bed.

Galatea: Ok night sweet dreams.

Kids: I'm too scared to sleep.

Priest: Uh Latea I think that story was a bit too scary.

Galatea: Really?

Priest: Didn't you notice the little girl sitting on your lap was trembling?

Galatea: Hmmm… really? I thought she was trembling with excitement.

Priest: Next time less scary.

The next night

Galatea: Then the teddy bear sprouted tentacles from its mouth that ripped apart the other teddy and grew claws that slash the dead teddy's friends.


	9. Clare's Birthday Blues

Clare's Birthday Blues

Miria: Ok so I know all of you remember that today is Clare's birthday.

Helen: Really?

Miria: All of you except Helen, so now we are going to throw her a surprise party. Helen you always mess up things like this so you are in charge of keeping Clare busy until we are ready.

Helen: What do you mean I always mess up things like this?!

Deneve: Don't tell you've forgotten Miria's birthday party? You know the one where you ate her cake and we were forced to use a brick with a cake drawn on it?

Helen: That was only because you were too lazy to make another one!

Deneve: I wouldn't have had to do that in the first place if you hadn't eaten the first one!

Tabitha: Do you remember Yuma's party to raise her self esteem?

Cynthia: Yeah, you made her cry and it took whole week to find her.

Helen: Well, _sooory _it's not my fault she didn't find my impersonation of her tripping and falling on Clare sending Clare flying off that cliff funny.

Deneve: Oh yeah that was great! Hahahaha!

Helen: Yeah, I didn't think it was possible to bounce like that! Hahahahahaha!

Deneve: Ahahahahahaha! The best part was her fading scream on the way down!

Miria: That's enough! Helen, go!

Helen: Fine!

Several hours later

Miria: Helen, why are you alone? Where is Clare?

Helen: She said that I was annoying her and then hit me! She escaped while I was unconscious!

Miria: Go find her! I don't care what you do! Bring her back for her party!

Somewhere far away

Clare: Stupid Helen, why did she smash my face into the ground? Here I was singing Happy Birthday to myself with my snow cake and she comes and starts beating me up!

Helen: Hmmm…… Where is Clare? Oh there she is! Hehe! I'm going to have to be all stealthy like if I'm going to catch her.

Clare: I sense some horrible misfortune is about to befall me.

At that moment Helen dived on Clare and the world of Clare turned black.

Back at the cave

Helen: We're Baaack!!! Haha! Look I found her and brought her back for her surprise birthday party!

Miria: Ah!!! What happened to her?!

Helen had walked into the cave dragging Clare on the floor.

Deneve: Why does she have a black eye?!

Tabitha: She's out cold! Look she has a huge lump on the back of her head!

Cynthia: It looks like someone beat her up!

Yuma: Somebody go check to see if she's still breathing!

Helen: WHAT?! You guys told me to find her and bring her back and that you didn't care what I had to do!

Miria: I didn't mean for you to nearly beat her to death!

Helen: It's not that bad she's just unconscious. See all we have to do is prop her up.

Ten minutes later

Deneve: This is the worst party ever. How can we have a party with Clare unconscious?

Helen: It's not that bad, look we'll just pretend she's awake. Clare, how about some cake?

Helen smashes cake all over Clare's face which wakes her up. Fortunately in their effort to pretend nothing was wrong, Yuma had the idea of tying Clare in the chair so she would stay in it better. Clare could not move and Helen was saved from a horrible death. Just as Clare was about to use a few well chosen words to Helen, Helen shoved a huge piece of cake in Clare's mouth and the others started singing. The party proceeded, although they left Clare tied to the chair out of fear that she would try to kill them.


	10. Clare the Barber

Clare the Barber

Helen: Now remember I only want a trim.

Clare: Yeah yeah a trim. Ok ready?

Helen: Yep.

Clare: How's that?

Helen: Thanks! Yuma it's your turn now.

Yuma: I don't wanna go!

Helen: Oh come on! Clare cuts hair great!

Clare comes over to Yuma and drags her to the chair with Yuma kicking and screaming all the way.

Back at the cave

Miria: Helen! What happened to you?! You're all bloody!

Helen: Clare cut my hair. It's perfectly straight! She used the wind cutter to give me a trim.

Miria: Why?!

Helen: Because you put Clare on hair cutting duty remember? Yuma is getting her hair cut now.

Miria: Oh no! I have to save her!

Somewhere else where no one can hear your screams

Clare: Ok Yuma you wanted to cut a bit off the bottom?

Yuma: Yes… (Yuma is cowering in the chair with her hands over her eyes.)

Clare: Ok! Here we go! (Yuma starts whimpering.)

Miria: **NO STOP!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!** (Yuma: I'm saved!!!)

Clare: Cutting Yuma's hair.

Miria: **CLARE! THAT'S NOT THE CORRECT WAY TO CUT HAIR!**

Miria had run in to see Yuma cowering and whimpering in the chair with her hands over her eyes and Clare standing behind her with her claymore raised above their heads getting ready to swing.

Clare: Why? I use a nice swing to cut a lot of hair and the wind cutter to trim small lengths.

Miria: You could kill someone like that! Helen came back all bloody!

Clare: Bloody, but not dead.

Clare was never allowed to cut hair _ever_ again. **EVER!!!**


	11. Miria's Great Escape

Miria's Great Escape

Helen: Miria!!! Deneve hit me!!!

Deneve: Miria!!! Helen's driving me crazy! Make her stop!

Helen: Did not!

Clare: Miria!!! Why can't I go looking for Raki by myself? I don't need a babysitter!

Cynthia: Lalalala. I'm sooooo happy and bubbly blah blah blah.

Yuma: Ummm… I'm sorry I'm useless. They forgot me again.

Cynthia: Miria!!! They're calling me No Pants Girl Again!

Tabitha: Do you need anything? I don't wanna babysit Clare! She's always grumpy when we go!

Helen: I'm hungry what's for dinner huh huh huh?

Miria: They're driving me crazy! I have to get away from them before I kill them!

Several hours later

Yuma: Hey, has anyone seen Miria?

Deneve: No, I haven't seen here for a few hours.

Helen: **AGH!!! OH NO! HOW WILL WE KNOW WHAT TO EAT! THE FUZZY BLUE BREAD OR THE ONE THAT ISN'T BLUE OR FUZZY!!!**

Everyone Else: **AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE GONNA STARVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Clare: My chance to look for Raki without a babysitter! Yay!!!

Somewhere far far far away

Miria: They weren't this whiny before. Argh!!! Why do they need to be constantly mothered?! Were they always this stupid or did their brains melt due to lack of usage or maybe they were all brain damaged in Pieta?! .......Hmmmmm…… Brain damage that might be a possibility…… (An insane smile spreads across her face at the thought)… although, that will probably just make them even stupider than before. All they do is whine and annoy me! I never have a moment of peace! Clare with her Raki this Raki that blah blah blah, and Helen annoying everyone for her own enjoyment, and even Cynthia's super happy bubbly attitude is getting to me saying "happy morning all!" well no it's not a happy morning JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! (Close to tears)

Helen: Now, I wonder where Miria is.

Clare: Helen! Let me go! I want to look for Raki! I don't need a babysitter!

Helen: (Whack!) (Clare: Ouch!) No, we're looking for Miria right now, besides you're not allowed to wander away by yourself. Look there she is! Miria!!!

Miria: Oh no, they found me………………..

Helen: Miria! We found you! Hey, which one should we eat the blue fuzzy bread or the other one? Hey, are you crying? You can have the blue fuzzy one if you want.

Clare: Argh! Helen let me go!!! (Wham!) Ouch! Why did you hit me?! (Whack!) Deneve!

Miria: AGH!!!!!! You three stop! Helen let go of Clare, Deneve and Helen stop hitting Clare! Clare where are you sneaking off too?! You know you're not allowed to wander off by yourself! (Clare: What does she have eyes in the back of her head?) I heard that! Helen use your brain and throw away the blue fuzzy bread!

Helen: Huh?

Miria: **AH!!!!!!!!! DON'T EAT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Helen: Oh sorry I was hungry, do you want some? (Smack!) Ouch!

Miria: **YOU CAN'T EAT THAT!!! ARGH!!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!**

_____________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Blue fuzzy bread, Miria's fragile sanity, and Miria's temper tantrum; you know things are a lot funnier at 4 in the morning than they usually are, which is when I wrote this. Being trapped with six people whose brains have all melted will crumble anyone's sanity. This thought is especially funny when you've been up for over 24 hours.


	12. Rubel's Great Mistake

Rubel's Great Mistake

Rubel: (_Sigh_) She isn't here yet, looks like I'm going to have to kill time. I'm soooo bored what should I do? ... Huh? Oh look a bath house. I should go look and make sure that there are no yoma inside that could kill the _poor_ women of this town. I'm _such_ a caring person. Sometimes it's _soooooo_ hard to be me.

Inside the bath house

Lady 1: … and that's when I punched him.

Lady 2: Hmmm… So he only ended up with a black eye?

Lady 1: Oh no I broke a few of his ribs as well.

Lady 2: Nice! Huh, is that an eye?

Lady 3: Ah!!! It's a disembodied eye!!!

Lady 1: No, it's a peeper!!!

Lady 2: Get him!!!

Rubel: Uh oh…

Somewhere in the town

Claymore (Who shall remain nameless because I feel like it.): Agh! Where is Rubel?! I wonder why he told me to meet him here. Usually he just sneaks up on me in the middle of nowhere. Hmmm….. A bath house? Oh, I bet that's why he wanted me to meet him here so he could spy on them, old pervert.

A little ways away

(Wham!!!) Take that peeper! ( Crack!!!) Pervert! The Claymore walked closer to the front of the bath house to see a group of very angry town's women kicking, stomping and punching something black. As she walked closer she realized the black thing was Rubel and figured that he must have been caught peeping.

Claymore: Hmmm… I suppose I should help him…… maybe. (_Sigh_) Well at this rate he could die… although… (_Sigh_) I suppose I have to save him. (She walks to the mob that is pummeling Rubel.) Oh there you are Rubel! (She walks towards him and observers that he hasn't noticed her, so she accidently on purpose steps on his arm and it breaks.) _Whatever_ could you be doing down there? Up you get.

Rubel: mmmmmm mhmmmmm

Claymore: Oh, you're _very_ welcome. Of _course_ I would save you. (Inner thought: Although I did stand laughing and watching it for a bit with the towns people. Ah, memories I shall cherish this one for the rest of my life.)

Well in the end Rubel came away from the experience with two black eyes, swollen jaw, couple of broken ribs, many bruises, and of course a broken arm.

Erimita: Rubel! What happened to you?!

Rubel: I fell.

Rubel hobbles away leaving Erimita alone with his thoughts.

Erimita: Yeah right he probably got caught peeping.


	13. Clarice's Graduation Exam

Clarice's Graduation Exam

Head nasty man's black throne room

Rimuto: So, how did this year's graduation exam go?

Erimita: Not very good most of them died and we were unable to fill one position.

Rubel: Wasn't there one in that year that wasn't tested?

Orsay: What?! Why wasn't she tested?

Rado: Well, she's a bit special.

Orsay: Special? Special how?

Rado: Ummm… Well training was a bit of a disaster. She's really clumsy and keeps getting her sword stuck in trees, walls, …… people…

Rimuto: So that's how one of the trainers got that nasty stab wound. Hehe

Orsay: Well, how is she fighting one on one?

Rado: Ummmm… well she won that one time… although, it was only because she tripped and accidently knocked out the other girl when her sword went flying.

Rimuto: (_Sigh_) Well, whatever go get her.

An hour later

Clarice: Ummm… excuse me why am I here? (Orsay: Oh, it's her)

Rado: You have been chosen to take the graduation exam.

Rimuto: Now the first question is… What is our purpose?

Clarice: Huh? Purpose?

Rimuto: Yes, why are you here?

Clarice: Because you told me to come…. (Rado: This isn't going well.)

Meanwhile Erimita has written something on the wall in front of Clarice and she reads it rather confused.

Clarice: Yoma?

Rimuto: Correct! (Clarice: Huh?!) Second question... Out of the 47 ranks what is the lowest rank?

Clarice: Ummmm… 47? But what does…

Rimuto: Last question.

Clarice: Last quest…

Rimuto: Where was the war in the North fought? (Rubel: _Sigh_ I miss Clare, she was fun to mess with.)

Clarice: Uh, the North…

Rimuto : Correct, now for the practical part of the test.

Clarice: Oh no…

Rimuto: Pick up the claymore next to you. (Orsay: This is sad.)

Clarice: Huh? Umm… ok (she picks it up)

Rimuto: Congratulations you pass! You are now number 47!

Clarice: Really?! Wow! I always heard funny rumors that the graduation test was this horrible test that no one ever returned from.

Rado: Ahahaha, ummmm….. you shouldn't believe everything you hear, uh… you can go now.

Erimita: We are sooooo pathetic.

Rimuto: I know.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. As an answer to your question Ahm 771, when I was reading one chapters at the beginning of the series Clare was bathing and Rubel was just standing there watching her and I started wishing someone would just smack him, but unfortunately that never happened. Then he did a bunch of other stuff that I really wished someone would smack him for, but that also never happened. So, in the end I had to resort to writing something in which he would get smacked a lot. (evil laugh) ^ ^


	14. Bedtime Stories With Galatea Take 2

Bedtime Stories With Galatea Take 2

Somewhere in Rabona

Galatea: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllright kids it's story time again!!! And you guys are lucky it's my turn and I got some good ones.

Child 1: Oh no! The last time she told a story I couldn't sleep for a week!

Child 2: That's nothing! I had nightmares for months!

Child 3: Ha! I'm still having nightmares!

Galatea: Now I know the last bedtime story I told you kids may have been a tad bit scary, (Child 3: Ha! A bit scary, now I'm terrified of teddy bears) but I have rethought what could have gone wrong and I've fixed my stories.

Child 1: Really?! Maybe this won't be traumatizing!

Galatea: This one is about a cute fluffy white bunny in a pretty flower filled meadow (Child 3: Great, now I'm going to be terrified of cute white fluffy bunnies.)

Child 2: Oooooooo bunnies! This isn't going to be bad. How could bunnies possibly be terrifying?

Child 3: I thought the same thing about teddies, but I cry whenever I see one.

Galatea: Ooooooooooooook. One day a little cute fluffy white bunny was hippity hoppiting (Child 2: Hippity hoppiting?) along with three almost equally cute and fluffy grey bunnies. They eventually reached a beautiful sun-lit meadow filled with flowers. (Child 1: This story is sooo much better! I won't be traumatized after all!) Now once they saw the beautiful meadow they starting hopping all around the field picking all kinds of pretty flowers. (Child 3: Hmmm ok, this isn't going to be so bad after all). And then…… (Child 3: Uh Oh) **A GIANT MUTANT FLOWER APPEARD OUT OF NOWHERE TOWERING ABOVE THE BUNNIES!!!! **(Child 1 and 2 scream, Child 3: I'm _never_ gonna sleep again) _**WHERE ARE YOU GOING LITTLE BUNNIES!!! I'M GONNA GET YOU! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! **_The giant mutant flower suddenly shot out thorn thingies everywhere barely missing the terrified bunnies. The mutant flower reached down and grabbed the grey trembling bunny at its feet. _**HELLO LITTLE FRIEND PLEASE ACCEPT MY PRESENT. SUPER HUG OF DEATH… I MEAN LOVE!**_ The giant flower started to hug the little helpless bunny. The poor weak bunny was being squeezed to death. Then all of a sudden… (All three children are now crying, but Galatea is completely oblivious to the reason and mistakes them for tears of happiness) The very cute white fluffy bunny jumped onto the mutant flower and used its very sharp fangs and long claws to start biting and slashing the mutant flower. The cute white fluffy bunny bit into the stem and popped its head right off saving its grey little friend. Then the cute white fluffy bunny and its three almost equally cute and fluffy grey bunnies went hippity hoppiting back home with their pretty flowers. The End.

All the children are sobbing at this point. Galatea thinks that her wonderful _non scary_ story had been sooo touching in its cuteness that it had moved them to tears of happiness.

Galatea: I know that was a much better story wasn't it? Ok now sweet dreams and guess what I'll be telling another one tomorrow night! (The sobbing gets harder) Oh I know you are excited, so am I. Ok, night.

Child 1: I don't wanna ever go outside ever again!

Child 3: Now I'm terrified of teddy bears, cute white fluffy bunnies, and large flowers.


	15. Clarice’s First Mission

Clarice's First Mission

Rado: Ok, It's time for your first mission.

Clarice: Ummm… ok, uh what am I going to be doing?

Rado: (_sigh_) Killing a yoma… (Inner thought: _duh_) Just go to the town and get rid of it (_If you can_).

At the town

Clarice: …… so that's why I'm here. Don't worry I'll get rid of that yoma.

Supreme Chiefly Guy: Uh ok, ummm… you don't really look like the description of a claymore, aren't they suppose to all be blondish?

Clarice: Oh Umm… well they told me I was special so my hair didn't really change.

Random Town Guy: Special how?

Supreme Chiefly Guy: Ummm… right whatever.

Random Town Guy: We're all gonna die. (All those in his vicinity nod in agreement.)

Clarice: Ok, now to find Mr. Yoma

Clarice starts walking around looking for the yoma, when it suddenly jumps out in front of her.

Clarice: Ahhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Neighborhood Yoma: Ahhhh? Hey! That's not a proper greeting, you hurt my feelings.

Clarice: Uh sorry…

Random Town Guy: Did she just apologize to the big bad yoma?

Town Drunk: Yeah, she did.

Random Town Guy: I thought so, awww we are soooo gonna die.

Clarice: Mr. Yoma (Random Town Guy: Mr. Yoma?) I've come here to get rid of you.

Neighborhood Yoma: Huh? They sent you? Awwww man! I am soooo insulted! Here I have spent so much time and effort in building up my image and reputation to become known as the biggest baddest yoma, and they send a little girl. Ha! I'm outta here, go home and play with your toys. (Starts walking away pouting)

Clarice: Hey! Wait! I'm supposed to get rid of you! (She swings her sword and misses)

Neighborhood Yoma: Hey! I'm in a really bad mood kid! (She swings again and falls)

Random Town Guy: Is she trying to pick a fight with the big bad yoma?

Town Drunk: That's what I see.

The Neighborhood Yoma gets mad and attacks. Clarice starts randomly swinging her sword around and finally manages to give him a ity bity scrape.

Random Town Guy: I think I'm beginning to see why they told her she's special. We are _sooo_ dead.

The Neighborhood Yoma suddenly disappears and Clarice can't find him. He jumps silently behind her and starts creeping towards her.

Random Town Guy: Hey! Behind you!

Clarice: Huh? Did you say something?

Clarice swings around to the Random Town Guy and her feet get tangled up. She trips and starts falling with her sword arm swinging wildly towards the yoma and accidently beheads him.

Neighborhood Yoma: Agh!!! Why me?!!!

Clarice: Yay! I win!

Random Town Guy: She has the best dumb luck ever.


	16. Isley's Inner Pain

Isley's Inner Pain

In the middle of nowhere

Isley: (_singing_) _Prisssy, Prisssy, Oh why oh why did you leave meee? Prisssy, Prissy, I'm sorry I pounded Rakiii._

He keeps walking until he sees a wolf eating a deer. It looks at him with blood dripping out of its mouth.

Isley: Oh hello Mr. Wolf…. (starts crying) The dripping blood reminds me of Prissy!

Many tears later, Isley approaches a town and enters it.

Isley: Awww how cute, look at the little girl clinging to her big brother…. It reminds me of how Prissy used to cling to Raki. _Snif _

He continues to walk through the town and ends up outside of a bar. He stands there watching two guys pound each other until one of them gets hit in the face and falls to the ground. He walks over to the one on the ground and looks at him.

Isley: The vacant look in the eyes of that guy who just got knocked out _reminds me of my Prissy!_ (His lip starts trembling and 2 tears leak out of his eyes)

He walks into the bar, gets a drink, and sits down beside two guys.

Isley: This cup reminds me of the one Prissy threw at me that one time… why was that anyway? Oh… that's right I smacked Raki upside the head and she got mad. _Snif_

Delinquent 1: Wow! Who's Raki? Is that Prissy's brother?

Delinquent 2: Is Prissy your friend?

Isley: Yeah.

Delinquent 1: Yeah to both?

Isley: Ummm…… Yeah. (_I'll go with their story, can't tell them the truth not when they're listening to my pain)_

Delinquent 2: Where is she now?

Isley: Prissy….. She's….. _She's_…. _**She's gooooooooooooooooooooone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Prrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Delinquent 1: Woa… he's actually crying.

Delinquent 2: Yeah, I bet that's why she left.

Delinquent 1: Hey, ummmm why did she leave?

Isley had several drinks by this point. Unfortunately, he wasn't paying attention and forgot to control the amount of alcohol entering his body and as a result he is quite drunk.

Isley: It was on a day like today. _Snif _(Delinquent 2: Is this guy for real?) It was such a normal day. Little did I know how it was going to turn into the worst day in history. _Snif_ _Snif_ (Delinquent 1: Worst day in history?) I was on my way back from an unsuccessful hunt, apparently Prissy and I ate everyone in the area.

Delinquent 2: Everyone? You mean that you ate _all_ the animals in your area?

Isley: Uh…… Yeah………….

Delinquent 1: How did you manage that?

Isley: Ummmmmm………….. Accident?

Delinquent 2: Oh, ok. Well, continue on.

Isley: As I was saying, I was on my way back home. I knew before I went into the house that it was going to be a trying day because I could hear _him_ going on and on and on and on and on………….(_5 minutes later_ Delinquent 1: …….. Do ya think we should stop him? Delinquent 2: Nah, he should be done soon……. I hope.) and on and on and on and on and on………. (_20 minutes later……_ Delinquent 1: Make it stop! Make it stop! Please, I can't take it anymore! Delinquent 2: Stop banging your head on the table! You might damage your brain even more. You know I'm beginning to think that this Prissy left him because he's annoying! Hey, idiot! Stop it already! We get the idea!) Oh ok. So he was going on and on and on (Delinquent 1: Argh!!!!!!!!) and on about Clare. Clare this, Clare that, Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare( Delinquent 1: Oh no! Not again!) Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare Clare……… Hey, what's that banging noise?

Delinquent 2: He's just banging his head on the table. Ignore him, just please continue we get the idea that kid was babbling on about someone named Clare.

Isley: Ok. Well I had enough with hearing him talk about her. My head started pounding and I lost it. I yelled at him and picked him up and threw him across the room then I hit him upside his head.

Delinquent 1: Woa…… You actually beat up her little brother?

Isley: Yeah, I couldn't take it anymore.

Delinquent 2: Well, what did she do after you hit him?

Isley: She looked at me with such hatred and then picked Raki up and left never to return…… Everything I see reminds me of her. Trees, bugs, blood, rocks, she used to love picking up rocks and throwing them at me. _Sigh_ Those were the days…. Hey! Guys, where did you go? Wait for me!!!!

He runs outside to where the two delinquents were trying to sneak away.

Isley: Hey! Don't leave me all alone! _Snif _The way you're walking away from me reminds me of…

Delinquent 2: Yeah, yeah we _know_ already!

Delinquent 1: It reminds you of your _Prissy_!

Isley: _**Pppppppppprrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **__sob sob sob sob sob ………………….._

Delinquent 2: Ah get a hold of yourself! The real reason she left you was probably cause you're soooo annoying!!!!!!!!!

Delinquent 1: Let's go. We are _never_ going to that bar ever again.

Delinquent 2: Yeah, you know I think I understand why mom said talking to strangers was dangerous.

Delinquent 1: Yeah, you might end up with some nut that can't get over being dumped!

They leave Isley in the street, intent on causing some sort of mayhem before bedtime.

Isley: (_singing_) _Prisssy, Prisssy, Oh why oh why did you leave meee? Prisssy, Prissy, I'm sorry I pounded Rakiii……………._

Truly Unfortunate Man: Hey, are you ok? Do you want to talk?

Isley's eyes light up as he prepares to tell his inner pain…………….


	17. Riful’s New Hobby

Riful's New Hobby

Dauf: Riful, ya got a letter.

Riful: Oh Goody! My first one!

Dauf: Uh… Riful? Why are ya gettin mail?

Riful: Oh silly Dauf! This is my new hobby. I've decided to impart my wisdom upon the world to human, claymore, and awakened alike!

Dauf: …….Uh……. Why?

Riful: Oh, it's ok Dauf. You don't have a brain so you can't understand my greatness.

Dauf: ……………..

Riful: Now, my first letter….

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Riful,

My mommy and daddy made me move to a horrible new place! I have no friends here and no one will talk to me. All the other little girls here point and laugh at me and won't be friends with me. Riful, how do I make them be my friend?

Signed,

Lonely Little Girl

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Dear Pathetic Lonely Little Human Girl Child,

Oh that's just horrible! I too know the pain of having no friends. The little girls in my town all run away from me and call me mean names like monster and they also will try to hit me as well! I did nothing at all to them except try to make friends! They don't know how much it hurts to be called mean names and to be beat up! I know exactly what you can do. What you need to do is sneak up behind them and hit them over the head with a relatively heavy object. Now be careful delicious little girl that you don't crush their skulls because remember "a dead friend is no friend at all". Then you need to drag their near lifeless little bodies to a private location. Then tie them up so they can't get away and then jab sharp pointy objects into their stomachs until they want to be your friend. Now be careful that you don't accidently hit a vital spot and kill them because "a corpse isn't a very good friend" and also be careful that they don't die of blood loss (humans are so fragile) because "carcasses don't frolic in meadows". Oh, and be careful that you don't accidently cut off any limbs. I don't think their mommies and daddies will appreciate that. Well, I hope it goes well and that you make lots of little friends.

Bye bye,

Riful Mistress of Knowledge

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Two weeks later

Dauf: Riful, ya got another letter.

Riful: Yay! Oh, it's from that little girl I imparted my fail proof way to make friends knowledge with. She must be writing me to thank me!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Riful Mistress of Exceedingly Bad Advice,

I read the letter you sent to my sweet innocent little girl. How dare you ask her to do such horrible things! No wonder you don't have any friends! I think the other little girls are perfectly justified in calling you a monster! Have you ever thought that the reason that they hit you is to protect themselves from you?! Someone like you should never be allowed to give advice and should definitely be institutionalized because you are obviously insane and dangerous!

Signed,

Very Angry Mother

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Three days later

Little Girl: Mommy! Mommy! You got a letter!

Mother: Oh, really? Let me see.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Angry Mommy,

Look behind you.


	18. Clare’s Sewing Disaster

Clare's Sewing Disaster (Clare's lessons on how to get out of chores part 1)

Helen: Clare! You're on sewing duty this month right? I have some holes in my shirt!

Clare: Yeah Helen, that's where your head and arms go through.

Helen: I have some here and ... Hey! Did you just call me stupid?!

Clare: Hmmmm… Did I? Give it here. Take this one for now until I fix yours'.

Helen: Ok, thanks!

Clare tries to suppress her laughter as Helen walks away wearing the shirt that reads Pretzel Girl on the back.

Clare: Stupid chores! I could be out searching for Raki but _noooooo_ I got stuck with sewing duty this month. So now I'm stuck in here patching up stupid holes and repairing rips!

Deneve, Cynthia, and Tabitha walk in with clothes to get repaired. Clare gives them some spare clothes and they leave.

Clare: Now how do I get out of this mind numbing chore?

Somewhere outside the cave

Cynthia: (_whispering_) Do you think we should tell her?

Tabitha: (_whispering_) No way! I want to live to see my next birthday.

They turn a corner and see Helen

Deneve: Hey Helen, I see you already dumped your clothes on Clare.

Helen: Hahaha. This was a brilliant way to piss Clare off and get back at her for those stupid nicknames. We all know she hates doing chores because it cuts in on her time to search for Raki. Purposely ripping holes in stuff and dumping it all on Clare is the best revenge. Hehehe (Helen walks away and Deneve sees the back of her shirt).

Deneve: (_I wonder if I should tell her that her shirt says Pretzel Girl… Oh well)_ You two, don't tell her about her shirt, ok?

Tabitha/Cynthia: Ok.

Cynthia turns her back on the other two and Tabitha and Deneve fight to suppress their laughter. They barely manage to get control when Cynthia turns to look at them.

Cynthia: Something wrong?

Deneve: No.

Later that evening there is an uncomfortable silence in the cave. No one will look at anyone out of fear of laughing. Miria and Yuma walk in and are confused by the tense atmosphere.

Several hours later

Miria has developed an annoyed eye twitch. She can no longer take the uncomfortable silence.

Miria: Everyone outside!

Everyone gets up and turns to go outside.

Miria: For the love of… Is that why you are all acting weird? (They all turn around toward her) Helen your shirt says Pretzel Girl, Deneve, yours' says Madam Sunshine Giggles, Cynthia, Yours' says No Pants Girl, Tabitha, The Amazing Voyeur. Ok, now everyone knows. Move on with your lives and stop acting like five year olds!

There's an explosion of noise as Pretzel Girl, Madam Sunshine Giggles, No Pants Girl, and The Amazing Voyeur start yelling at each other, all angry that the others said nothing. Miria, who is used to the fighting, sits down and calmly drinks her tea. The others however continue to yell at each other before turning in unison to look at Clare.

Nickname Victims: CLARE!

Clare: (Feigning ignorance) Hmmm?

Deneve: I'm going to kill you Clarenstein!

Clare: Whatever for? Oh by the way, I've finished fixing your clothes. (She hands them back to the rightful owners)

Helen: Argh!!!!!!!!! What?! Why does it have three arm holes and why are the sleeves all different lengths?!!!!

Deneve: WHAT HAPPENED?!!! **_IT'S PINK!!!!!_**

Clare: Oh my, how'd that happen?

Cynthia: There are two holes for my head. Which one is the right one?

Tabitha: Why is my skirt is 15cm (6") shorter?!!!

Clare: Well _soooory_! I _told_ you I didn't know what I was doing! (_Lucky! They've forgotten all about the nickname shirts! Hehe!)_

Miria: Alright, Alright, Helen you can sew, fix this. (Helen: But…) Just do it. Clare you aren't allowed on sewing duty ever again.

Clare: (sigh) Ok… (Insert silent evil Clare laugh of choice_, My plan worked! I've gotten out of cutting hair and sewing! Now I can search for Raki!)_

Miria: Clare, You're on cooking duty now.

Clare: ………………………………..


	19. Cooking Lessons with Clare

Cooking Lessons with Clare (Clare's lessons on how to get out of chores part 2)

Clare: Stupid Chores! Stupid! _Stupid!_ **Stupid!** Haven't I proved myself incompetent enough?! I know the windcutter hair cut that resulted in a bloody Helen incident wasn't forgotten! Why? _Why_ did she put me on cooking duty?! Now I don't have the unlimited time and unlimited freedom and unlimited non babysitting happiness without being hounded by insults like _baby _and _brat_ (Humph!) I am not a brat or a baby! (pouting) Just cause they're older than me doesn't give them the right to boss _me_ around! Me! Clare! Mistress of the… (Deneve: **Babbling like an idiot technique!** _Now shut up!_) Shut up?! That's how they treat me. Always like this and they always kick me around saying "this is for your own good" blah blah blah …....What was I talking about again?......... Oh yeah, how Miria putting me on cooking duty was cutting in on my precious Raki search and rescue party time. (Humph!)

Miria: Clare! Stop pouting and start cooking! The longer you stand there and complain the less time you'll have to search for that stupid brat!

Clare: He's not a stupid brat! (Helen: Yeah, she's right he's probably a very dead stupid brat.) _Is not!_

Deneve: How about the formally clingy very dead stupid brat? Is that better?

Clare: Shut up! Miria! Helen and Deneve are being mean again! (Miria Ignores her)

Tabitha: Hmmmmm…… You know I was thinking more on the lines of the emergency ration formally clingy very dead stupid brat.

Cynthia: Oh! Oh! Can I play? I have one! Whiny emergency ration formally clingy very dead stupid brat

Yuma: ………..How about brain damaged whiny emergency ration formally clingy very dead stupid brat. Or usless…

Clare: Finish that sentence and it'll be the last one you ever say! GOT IT?! (Clare grabbed the front of Yuma's shirt and was in her face.)

Yuma starts to tremble and tears start to leak out of her eyes as she runs away.

Helen: Miria! Clare made Yuma cry!

Clare: THEY STARTED IT!!!

Miria: (Wham!) (Clare: OW!) Clare! Go fix dinner and after we drag Yuma back you apologize!

Clare:** THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!**

Miria: Does it look like I care?

Clare goes stomping away to cook dinner muttering all the way.

Miria: I heard that!

Clare: Good! I meant for you to! (Crack!) **OW!!!** (Miria had picked up a rock and threw it hitting Clare in the back of the head.)

In the "cooking" area

Clare: Just wait! I'll get them back and get out of chores so I can go on my precious Raki search and rescue party time. Mwhahahahahahahahaha!

Miria: Clare! What are you mumbling about!

Clare: Nothing. (She says in a sickening sweet voice) Bwahahahahaha! (softly)

Miria: Ummm… right.(_I have a bad feeling for some reason._)

Clare: Now, what should I cook for the super special dinner I'm supposed to be making? Hmmmmm……. Oh! I know! (An evil maniacal grin spreads across her face.)

Later on that unfortunate evening

Clare: Ok, dinner time!

Deneve: Ugh! What's that horrible smell?!

Helen: Yay! Dinner! Gag! That's disgusting!

Tabitha: Ummm… Is it safe to eat? I'm a little worried on the account that it's blue.

Cynthia: Really? That's what you're worried about? Not the fact that it glows?

Yuma: AH!!!!!! IT'S MOVING! HOW COME IT'S MOVING?!

Miria: What did she put in it?

Deneve: I think that's what we're all wondering.

Clare: Ok! Let's eat!

Cynthia: Do we have to?

Miria: Unfortunately yes.

Yuma: I'm scared…

Tabitha: Me too.

Helen: ……………

Cynthia:……. We all survived Pieta! We can defiantly survive Clare's cooking!

Deneve: It doesn't look likely.

Cynthia: Don't be so gloomy! It can't be that bad!

Group:…………………….

All of them except Clare look at their food with varying looks of horror, fear, and disgust.

Miria: All right, stop acting like babies. We've all faced worse before. This is only… only… well I guess we can call it food as a loose description. (Helen: Yeah right.)

They all prepare themselves for the so called _food_. Yuma starts whimpering when her bowl of mystery dinner burbles by itself. Then they all reluctantly and cautiously take a bite. Several things happen at once. Yuma runs out of the cave with her hands over her mouth and promptly throws up outside. Deneve doesn't even bother swallowing and spits it back into her bowl. Tabitha immediately passes out. Cynthia sits there with a smile and a glazed look in her eyes until closer inspection proves that she had managed to pass out with her eyes open and a smile on her face. Miria starts choking and coughing. Helen manages to choke it down with a look of horror upon her face.

Helen: …(Looks repeatedly between Clare and her _food_)… What is this?! Words can't even begin to describe……. Oh wait, they can! THIS IS THE WORST FOOD I'VE EVER HAD! OH WAIT! WE CAN'T EVEN CALL THIS _THING_ FOOD! **THERE IS NO WORD IN THE HUMAN LANGUAGE THAT CAN EVEN BEGIN TO LABEL **_**THIS**_**!!!!!** WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?! HOW COME YOUR COOKING SUCKS _SOOOOOOO_ BAD?! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO COOK?!

Clare: No, Raki did all the cooking.

Helen:………………

Miria: (coughing because her lungs are singed) H-How did she survive before she found Raki?


	20. How to Raise Yuma’s Self Esteem

How to Raise Yuma's Self Esteem (Clare's lessons on how to get out of chores part 3)

Yuma: Ummm… Clare? Is this right?

Clare: Oh yes, Yuma! That's exactly how you're supposed to swing! Wow, Yuma that's the bestest swing I've ever seen.

Yuma:… You don't have to be mean about it! If it was wrong you could have just told me! I can't help it if I'm useless! (Nearly crying)

Clare: (_Wow, I wasn't even trying to make her cry. Why did I get put on Raise Yuma's Self Esteem Duty again?_)

_Flashback to last night_

Miria: Clare! You've proven yourself incompetent at nearly every chore I've assigned you! Are you really that stupid?! Don't answer that! You even managed to mess up getting water! I DIDN'T EVEN THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE! **HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY MESS UP GETTING WATER?!**

Clare: Incompetence?

Miria: I think I'm getting that headache again.

Two days before

Helen: Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deneve: Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look I can fly!!! (Wham!)

Cynthia: I'm a pretty pretty princess.

Yuma: Yeah! Well _I'm_ _**THE QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE!!!**_

Tabitha: Hehehe … Hahahahaha … Ahahahahahahah … Kukukuku… Bwahahahahahaha… _**WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Miria: …….. **I AM YOUR LEADER! YOU WILL DO AS I SAY! **(Talking to a group of rocks) **NOW GO FORTH MY MINIONS AND BRING ME……………………….. **_**A FRILLY PINK DRESS!!!**_

Clare: Wow, they've all gone insane.

_1 hour before_

Miria: Clare, did you get the water this morning?

Clare: Yeah, it's over there in the corner.

Miria: Ok, I'll go get it.

_2 hours later_

Miria: I… I… (Smack)

Clare: Well, she was the last of them to pass out. I'm impressed, I didn't think she would last that long.

The next morning

Miria: Ugh!!! I feel terrible. What happened?

Deneve:…. Why is my head bleeding?

Cynthia: I don't remember anything after drinking my water.

Miria: _Clare_, when I no longer feel like I'm dying you are so gonna get it, but for now I'm just going to lie here.

_Back to original flash back_

Miria: Clare, since you proven incompetent at cooking as well (Helen: Oh, the horror.)

Clare: _It seems that spiking the water was a good idea after all._

Miria: I know I will definitely regret this, but there seems to be no other choice. (_Sigh_) Clare, you're on Raise Yuma's Self Esteem Duty. Don't make her cry.

_Back to present_

Clare: _Oh yeah, now I remember. The day after I nearly poisoned them I had some alone time and found those crates of alcohol. It was a good thing that I brought them back and hid them. That way I was able to mix a bottle of each in with the water creating Clare's Dangerous Cocktail of Insanity. Hehehehehe. I'll have to try that again sometime. Now onto more pressing needs. I can't crush her self esteem that would be too mean. How do I mess this up without Miria killing me…….._

Yuma: I can't do anything right……..

Clare: Don't say that. You can do lots of things.

Yuma: Oh yeah. Name one thing.

Clare: What about…. How about…….. Well what about that one time when…… And………………Ummmmm……………………………………………………………………………………..………………… Well crap.

Yuma: SEE! YOU KNOW IT TOO! (Tears forming)

Clare: Ahhh! Don't cry! _Please_, don't cry. (_Agh! Miria's gonna kill me! Oh crap what do I do?_) Hold on! You just caught me off guard! Let me think! The list is _sooooooooooo_ long that it's hard to narrow down.

Yuma: ……………..

Clare: Ummmm……….. (_Think! Think! Think! There has to be something!_) ……………..

Yuma: I'm waiting. (Tapping foot)

Clare: ……………….. Uh… Oh! I know! The first fight in Pieta! You were in Miria's Group and you did fine!

Yuma: No, in the first 5 minutes I had my left arm ripped off. I didn't even get the chance to attack.

Clare: Oh, Um…. Oh what about in the second attack? I'm sure…

Yuma: I was thrown into a building seconds after the fight started. I was unconscious the whole time.

Clare: Wow, I mean… Well what about….. What about that time you beat Helen at sparring?

Yuma: I was sparring Deneve at the time. She kicked me so hard that I flew back into Helen and knocked her out.

Clare: Oh yeah I remember that….Oh oh don't cry…. Ummm… what about… Oh! A few weeks ago when you, Deneve and Miria went out and killed that yoma, they said you did great!

Yuma: WRONG! I was getting ready to throw my claymore at it, but I forgot to check that no one was standing near me! When I swung back I accidently wacked Miria upside her head and knocked her out! Deneve had to take care of it by herself!

Clare: Ahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

Yuma: I'M _SOOOOO_ GLAD THAT I WAS ABLE TO ENTERTAIN YOU!!!! (Stomps off crying)

Clare: No wait I'm sorry! I didn't mean to laugh! Come back! (_Oh crap! Now she's crying! Miria is going to kill me! And this time I was actually trying!_)

Clare reaches down and grabs a handful of snow and makes a snowball. She throws it at Yuma and hits her in the middle of her back and she falls.

Clare: See you can do something! You got hit with a snowball perfectly! …… Yuma?... Yuma! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! She must have knocked herself out when she fell! Oh, I am soooooo dead. Yuma! (She opens her eyes)

Yuma: Ow ow ow… I'm sooo useless! I GOT TAKEN OUT BY A SNOWBALL! (Wailing)

Clare: Uh… What do I do? What do I do? Ummm…. (Thwack! Thud!)…. Maybe…… that wasn't the best choice…….

Back at the cave

Miria: Clare! What did you do to Yuma?!

Clare: I was trying to make her feel better by saying things she did right, but I kept picking the wrong ones! She lost it and started running away, so I hit her with a snowball and she fell down and knocked herself out. When she came around she started crying and I didn't know what to do so I…. I….

Miria: You what….

Clare: I panicked and hit her with a rock.

Miria: So let me get this straight. (Eye twitching) You made her cry so you thought that hitting her with a snowball would make her feel better. Then when she woke up and started crying once more… You panicked and hit her with a rock. (Vein in temple throbbing)

Clare: …… It sounds worse when you say it that way.

Miria: IT SOUNDS BAD NO MATTER HOW YOU SAY IT!!!

Clare: But I really did try to make her feel better. It just went horribly wrong!

Deneve: Obviously…

Miria: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10…. Deep calming breaths…. In… Out…. Ok, I'm going out. When I get back I want this fixed.

Clare: …….

2 hours later

Yuma: _**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_ _**I'M QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Miria: Clare, (sickening sweet tone) what's wrong with Yuma?

Clare: Ummm… nothing?

Yuma:_** YOU THERE! NEW GIRL! WE ARE DISPLEASED! FIX IT!**_

Miria: …………. Try again.

Clare: Well…. Ummm ….. When Yuma woke up she was still kinda depressed so I kinda got her drunk….

Miria: ….. Right. Clare, come here please. (Still speaking in a sickening sweet tone) I won't hurt you.

Clare: Nuh uh. (Backing away)

Miria: COME HERE! (Clare runs away and Miria chases after her)

Yuma: _**OOOOO! ENTERTAINMENT! WE ARE HAPPY NOW YES WE ARE!**_

Clare was only able to evade Miria for a few minutes until Miria tackled her. Clare came away from the _encounter_ with a black eye, couple of lumps her head, and many many _many_ bruises. She also was told to take care of Yuma's massive hangover the next day.


	21. Clare’s Special Recipe

A/N: Clare's going on a little vacation after this story. Durian and Lychee are a type of fruit.

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Clare's Special Recipe (Clare's lessons on how to get out of chores part 4)

Helen: Miria! _Please_! No!

Miria: Helen, don't whine. You're not a child.

Helen: But _Miria_ (still whining) she almost poisoned us last time.

Yuma: Mine was _moving_.

Miria: Shut up! It's final! Clare is cooking dinner tonight!

Helen: If I make Deneve really mad… Then she would break my jaw… Then I won't have to eat tonight! I am a genius! Hehehe

Miria: Oh, and for those of you who are planning on getting injured so that you don't have to eat. Don't. She's making soup. (Tabitha: More like a soup-like substance.) I'll personally pour it down your throat.

Helen: ………………… I'm wanna cry.

Meanwhile in the designated cooking area

Clare: (singing) _IIIIIIII'm lookin for my Raki in a tree. Is he there? No I don't think he can be. I'm looking for my Raki in a house. Is he there? No nothing but a mouse. I'm searchin far and wide for my Raki. Where oh where can he really be? I'm goin out huntin for Raki. I will look for an eternity. No one better hurt my Ra-aki. Kill kill kill…._

Deneve: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!

Miria: **CLARE!!! I THOUGHT I BANNED THAT SONG BECAUSE IT WAS ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Clare: …. _Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh_…….

Miria:** THAT ONE IS BANNED TOO!!!!**

Clare: _Raki_……

Miria: **SO IS THAT ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Helen:** BAN THE NAME!!! **_**PLEASE**_**! I'M STARTING TO HAVE DREAMS WHERE EVERYONE IS NAMED **_**RAKI**_**!!!**

Clare: **FINE I'LL STOP SINGING! HELEN, YOU SHOULD REMEMBER WHOSE IS COOKING YOUR DINNER TONIGHT!**

Helen: …….. SORRY, OH _GREAT_ ONE! I DIDN'T MEAN TO _OFFEND_ YOU IN ANYWAY! PLEASE DON'T POISON ME WITH YOUR _ABYSMAL_ COOKING!!!

Clare: Close enough…. Maybe……..Anyway, back to cooking my special recipe. Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!!! Now what else do I put in it? Hmmmm …. Snow, cayenne pepper, peanut butter, cheese, carrots, tree bark for texture, oat meal, durian, beets, noodles to disguise any potential worms, lychee, and mud for color. Hmmm…. I think that will do it. Now they will truly regret making me cook for them! (Insert insane Clare laugh of choice)

That night at dinner

Clare: Dinner time! This is my ultra super secret special recipe!

Yuma: I'm too afraid to look. What color is it?

Tabitha: Black.

Cynthia: It's lumpy too.

Deneve: More like congealed.

Yuma: But I thought it was supposed to be soup! How can soup be congealed!

Deneve: Good question.

Cynthia: It's giving an ominous black glow.

Helen: ………………

Yuma: I-I think it's moving……..

Tabitha: Is it still possible to eat what she made last time?

Helen: I AM _NOT_ EATING THIS!!! IT'S TORTURE!!! NO WONDER SHE IMMEDIATELY DESERTED WHEN SHE WAS SEPERATED FROM THAT BRAT!!! SHE WAS TERRIFIED THAT SHE WOULD STARVE TO DEATH!!!

Through this whole conversation Clare had an evil smirk plastered across her face.

Miria: Clare…… Why don't you take the first bite? (A truly evil smile spreading across her face)

Clare: Oh, but I can't do that. The cook always eats last.

Miria: Really? I've never of heard that. Come on Clare, we're all friends. You can have the first taste.

Clare: Oh, but I could _never_ do that. It would be too rude. Please, eat.

Miria: Oh no, no, _no_, that will _never_ do. Please, no one here will mind.

Clare: ……. Oh no that's alright you don't have to worry about me. Please go ahead and eat.

Miria: I insist you eat first. Go on.

Clare: ………………………….

Miria: Is there something wrong?

Clare: Uh… No there's nothing wrong. (Starting to panic)

Miria: Then why don't you eat?

Clare: Ummm….. I...I… What I mean is…

Miria: Here you go.

Clare: …. (Now really panicking) Ummm… (Starts looking back and forth between the bowel and Miria) Uh…….ha…ha…………

Miria: Is there a problem? (Starting to revel in evil glee at her panic)

Clare: Uh…. No, no problem. (Her voice higher than normal)

Miria: Then why don't you take your bowel of delicious (Helen: Delicious? I'd rather eat a rotting corpse of a rabid yoma!) food?

Clare: …..Oh, sorry. Thank you.

Clare takes the bowel and looks at as if it contains impending doom. She gets a spoonful and as she moves it towards her mouth she starts having a flashback of all the _ingredients_. Then she completely panics and throws the bowel at Miria and takes off running. Miria, who had been expecting something, dodges and fortunately avoids being hit by the congealed black mess. Helen, who most unfortunately was standing behind Miria, takes the entire thing in her face.

Helen: _**AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S TOUCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T SEE!!!!!!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Deneve: (sigh) Helen, You're not blind. The goo is just covering your eyes. If you wash it off you'll be able to see again.

Helen: Oh….

Miria: **CLARE!!! GET BACK HERE!!! YOU ALMOST HIT ME WITHTHAT GOO MASQURADING AS FOOD!!!!!**

Clare: **NO WAY!!! YOU'LL HURT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Miria**: SO WHAT!!! YOU DESERVE IT FOR PURPOSLY COOKING POISON!!!!! AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?!!! I'M NOT STUPID!!!!**

Clare: **THAT'S A SURPRISE!!!!**

Miria:** OOOOHHHH!!! YOU ARE SOOOOOOOO GONNA GET IT!!!! I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN SCREWING UP ON PURPOSE!!!!!**

Clare almost gets to the bottom of the mountain before Miria catches up and pummels her. Miria drags Clare kicking and screaming back up to the cave and force feeds her the glowing black mess she cooked. Clare was sick for almost a week after eating her cooking. Miria made Clare cook dinner again, but this time she personally supervised it. Unfortunately, Clare's cooking really did suck even when she was trying and frighteningly resembled her two previous cooking experiences. Miria decided that it was in everyone's best interest if Clare never ever _ever_ cooked again.


	22. Tabitha’s Pet

Tabitha's Pet

In the dead of night an eerie silence had fallen in the cave where seven people were peacefully sleeping. A creeping black shadow moves slowly and purposely towards its intended victim.

The next morning

Helen: Agh!!!! Miria!!!!! Look I have more of them on my arms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miria: Mmmmmmm

Helen: Miria!!! Wake up!!!! This is more important than sleeping!!!!!!! **WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Miria:** AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS IT!!!! THIS HAD BETTER BE LIFE OR DEATH!!! OTHERWISE YOU'RE ON CLEANING **_**AND**_** COOKING DUTY FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS!!!!!!!!**

Helen: … But but _Miria_! Lookie, I have weird bite thingies!

Miria: That's not news. We all do. Well, everyone but Tabitha.

Helen: But I have _more_ on my arms!!! _Loook_!!!! (Whining)

Miria sighs and looks down only to see Helen's arms covered in little puncture wounds. Upon closer inspection the puncture wounds look more like fang marks of varying sizes and widths. The group had been plagued by a mystery creature that seemed to be using them as its personal chew toy. The only one that hasn't had one single bite during this whole incident is Tabitha.

Miria: What do you want me to do about it?

Helen: Make it better. (Now whining and pouting)

Cynthia: What's all the noise about?

Deneve: Helen's being a baby because she's been bitten again.

Helen: Shut up! It's all over my arms now!!!

Clare: So what! We're all getting bitten. Look at my leg.

Helen: Nuh uh! Tabitha's never been bitten!!!

Tabitha: Well that's not my fault!

Really late that night

Tabitha: Come here puffy wumkins. Awwwwwe you're sooo fluffy and cute and sweet. I wuv you my ity bity inkle puffykins. It's beddie by time. (She and a black mass cuddle together under her blanket.)

Hours after Tabitha falls asleep the black mass creeps out from underneath her blanket. It silently moves towards Miria and sinks it's fangs into her leg. After chewing on her for a while it moves onto Yuma's arm before moving on to gnaw on Helen. Appeased for the night it creeps back under Tabitha's blanket and cuddles against her wrapping its legs around her. She gives a contented sigh and wraps her arm around it.

Morning

Helen: **AGH!!!!!!!! I GOT BIT AGAIN!!!! WHY?! WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE GETTING BIT EVERY NIGHT?!!! NO ONE ELSE GETS BIT EVERY NIGHT!!!**

Deneve: Calm down it's not that bad.

Helen: HAH! SO SAYS YOU!! YOU'RE ONLY GETTING BIT EVERY OTHER NIGHT! I'M SLOWLY BEING EATEN TO DEATH!

Clare: Don't be so dramatic. Look at Miria's leg. It looks like she's been bitten a hundred times.

Yuma: My arm hurts. (Tears forming)

Cynthia: Oh, that looks bad.

Deneve: Are you ok Yuma?

Helen: **WHAT?!!! HOW COME YOU'RE CONCEREND ABOUT HER, BUT DON'T CARE ABOUT ME?!!!!**

Clare: Because you're being pathetic about it.

Miria: Alright, stop fighting and get out of the cave. At least we won't get bitten while we're outside.

Couple hours later Yuma returns alone

Yuma:_** AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Deneve: YUMA, WHAT'S WRONG!!!!!

Yuma: _**MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Deneve: What?!

Deneve looks down to where Yuma is pointing and gets the surprise of her life. On the ground staring straight up at them is a giant black hairy spider with 18 long black hairy legs. The legs are different lengths and some are on the ground while others are pointed upwards at odd angles. The spider or rather mutant spider was five times larger than what would be considered a giant spider. There were around a hundred eyes staring up at them taking them in from every angle with black eyes, red eyes, milky white eyes, and some eyes were a mixture of milky white and red. What really caught Deneve's attention was the fact that the spider had five rows of fangs all different sizes and lengths and looked suspiciously like the bite marks that they all have been suffering from.

Deneve: **AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Deneve stares at the spider. The spider stares back. They continue to stare at each other until the spider grins up at her with a creepy fanged smile. Deneve looses it and stabs the spider with her claymore. She then proceeds to smash it with the broad side of her claymore before jumping up and down on its squished corpse.

Deneve: Hah… Hah… I-I think I got him.

Yuma: Deneve! You saved me!!!! (Runs over to Deneve and starts hugging her)

Tabitha walks in to see that Deneve's sword has little black hairs all over it. Her eyes move to the black hairy mess on the floor and she sees a lone twitching long black hairy leg.

Tabitha:_** NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CUDDLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Deneve: Cuddles?! You named that thing _Cuddles_?!

Tabitha: _**OH, OH MY POOR LITTLE CUDDLEKINS!!! **__**YOU!!!!**__**YOU KILLED MY CUDDLES!!!!**_

Deneve: **HE WAS EATING US!!!**

Tabitha: _**THE POOR LITTLE HELPLESS THING COULDN'T HELP THAT IT WAS TEETHING!!!!!!!!!**_

Deneve: **HELPLESS?!!! THAT THING WAS ANYHING BUT HELPLESS?!!! AND TEETHING?!**

Miria walks in to see Yuma crying and clinging to Deneve, and Tabitha sobbing on the floor next to a black mass petting a still twitching long black hairy leg in her hand repeating the word Cuddles.

Miria: What's going on in here? Why are you all screaming?

Tabitha: _Cuddles Cuddles Cuddles Cuddles Cuddles Cuddles Cuddles Cuddles Cuddles Cuddles…_ sob sob sob sob sob sob

Miria: ….. Um…. Cuddles?

Deneve: Her monster pet that she named _Cuddles_. You want to know what _Cuddles_ was? _Cuddles_ was a giant black hairy spider with 18 long black hairy legs that were all different lengths, some of the legs were pointed upwards at odd angles, it had hundred eyes that were black, red, milky white, and some eyes were a mixture of milky white and red, and the little monster had five rows of fangs all different sizes and lengths! Apparently _Cuddles_ was teething which is why we have bit marks all over us! That _thing_ was using us as a chew toy!!!

Tabitha: _CUDDLES WASN'T A MONSTER!!!! CUDDLES!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!_

Miria is completely disgusted that something like that had been inhabiting the cave with them. She starts doing a happy dance on the inside because the little monster is dead, but stops to deal with the very distraught Tabitha.

Miria: Tabitha? It's ok. How about we have a funeral for _C-C-Cuddles_? Why don't you go and work on what you're going to say, ok? But first, leave his leg here please.

Tabitha leaves and Miria gives instructions to the others.

At the funeral

Helen: Ok, here's the tomb stone (It reads "Good Riddance to the Little Chomper") What do you think? (Smack) Ow!!!

Miria: Do it again! This time just write C-U-D-D-L-E-S on it and in that order too! Oh, hey Yuma and Deneve, how did you manage with what's left of it?

Deneve: Well, I did a pretty good job smashing it so we had to chisel the rock out. So, now there's a huge hole in the middle of the floor.

Miria: Oh well, it can't be helped. We'll just bury the rock and the leg and that'll be close enough.

Clare: What?! That won't fit in the hole I dug!

Deneve: Make it bigger.

Clare: Couldn't we you know, break the rock into pieces? I mean Deneve already smashed it so it's not like it'll matter if it's in pieces or not.

Miria: No! Just make it bigger!

10 minutes later

Miria: We are gathered here to say good bye (Helen: More like good riddance. (Smack!) Oww!!!) to _C-C-Cuddles_ the ….. um…. (Clare: Mutant Chomping Monster. (Wham!) Ouch!!!) _spider_. _C-C-Cuddles_ has met an unfortunate end (Deneve: Heh Heh smashed the little sucker! (Whack!) Owww!!!) He was loved by…. by…Tabitha (sob sob) and will live on in our….. memories…

Yuma: _WHAT HE'S STILL ALIVE?!_ (Looking frantically around)

Helen: No, no don't worry. Deneve smashed the little chomper to bits.

Clare: Yeah, the monster chomper will chomp no more.

Deneve: Trust me. He's not coming back.

Wham! Wham! Wham!

Clare/Deneve/Helen: _**OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Miria makes their blood freeze with the death glare to end all death glares.

Miria: Tabitha, would you care to say a few words?

Tabitha: _Sniff Sniff_ Cuddles you were soooooooooo cute and sweet. (Whole group cringes) Cuddle bear was sooo fluffy and always gave the best 18 legged hugs. (Miria: _Eww! Note to self. No more pets._) My sweet little pufflekins, I remember how cute you were when you started drooling and I wiped it up with Miria's blanket. (Miria: _What!!! Ugh!!! Personal note, WASH BLANKETS!!!_) Wumbles smiled at me, oh I knew you wuved me then. Sweet little fluffy used to cuddle with me every night (Miria: _Agh! She slept with it?!_) You were teething and that made your poor little mouthy hurt soooooo much that you would chew on Yuma's pillow. (Yuma whimpers) (Miria: _We are washing everything in there and from this point on Deneve can smash anything that moves!_) I will take care of your ity bity babies too that you left allllll over the cave (Miria: _We're moving._) I'll always keep my cute little Cuddles' baby teeth with me. (She takes out a jar filled with varying sizes of fangs)

Miria: OooooK, that's it. (Wham!)

She whacks Tabitha upside the head with the broadside of her claymore and she falls unconscious to the ground.

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A/N: For those of you who care Cuddles was a he. I didn't mess up and forget that the others call him he, although Tabitha never calls him a him. I decided that as a mutant, laying eggs would be rather normal for him. R.I.P. Cuddles ^^


	23. Morning Surprises

A/N: song _Oh What a Beautiful Mornin'_ from _Oklahoma! _By Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II

Whenever something like this appears #$%*&*^#% insert favorite insult, curse word, or whatever you want.

* * *

Morning Surprises

"She's going to kill us!" Someone whined.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her." Explained another.

"I swear if we are discovered, you'll be begging for death." Snapped a shadow.

"You guys worry too much." A shadow said.

"But what if she finds out?" Asked another shadow.

"Don't worry we're not going to hurt them. We're just relocating them to a more hospitable environment." Someone explained.

At the organization

Rimuto: (singing) _Oh, what a beautiful mornin'! Oh what a beautiful day! Oh what a beautiful mornin'! Everything's goin' my way!_ Oh what a beautiful day!!! (skipping to the window) The birds are chirping! (_tweet tweet_) The sun is shining!!! (Bling) There's happiness among the ranks!!! (Voice 1: What did you say #$%*&*^#%!) (Voice 2: I said #$%*&*^#%!) The flowers are blooming! (Flowers: _Ah!!! Water!!!_) And what makes this day so much more beautiful than yesterday is that today is the day I was born! Gracing this wonderful planet with my presence! Oh! Look its Rachael! Good morning Rachael! Isn't this a beautiful day?! Guess what Rachael? Today is my birthday!

Rachael: Are you stupid?! This most certainly is not a beautiful day #$%^&*! And why the*&^%$# are you talking to me you %^$*^%^$?! What makes you think I $#^$%^*^&% about your birthday?! #^$#&%*&^*^&%$&%#%&%*&^*&^^$#&%^%&^*&^%^$#^%^%!!! (walks away)

Rimuto: Oh, what a wonderful young lady she's grown up to be. So articulate, I think she's learned a few new words too. I _always_ love our morning talks! (Sees a wrapped package by his door) Oh look a birthday present! I am _sooooo_ loved! I wonder what it is?! It's moving! Oh! Could it be the puppy I've always wanted?! (sees a card) "Please take good care of Nibbles and Bubbles" It is! It is the puppy I always wanted! Not only that, it's two puppies! Yay! This is the best birthday ever! I'm going to open it up right now!

Rubel's room

Rubel: Someone sent me a package… What does the card say? "To my sweet baboo, please take care of Chomper and Fluffy" …..Hmmmm… Ok, I guess it'll be fun having a pet.

Erimita's Room

Erimita: "To the most deserving person in the world. Please accept this gift and give them a loving home"… Ok….

Everywhere at the organization the other men in black have received similar packages and start opening them.

Men in Black: _**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Somewhere to the north the cries reach six people who were watching the sunrise

Helen: See, I told you they would scream like little girls.

Deneve: Yep, this was definitely worth all those bites.

Cynthia: One of them almost bit off my finger!!!

Clare: Hahaha! I sent Rubel that one!!! I hope he enjoys playing with it! Ahahahaha!!!

Yuma: What happens if Tabitha finds out?

Miria: Don't worry we'll just tell her that we found really good homes for Cuddles' babies.

Deneve: It's not like we sent all of them.

Clare: Yeah, we'll tell her that they will have fun in warmer weather.

(Tabitha walks over to them)

Tabitha: Hey! Did you guys hear something that sounded like a far away scream?

Miria: (singing) _Oh, what a beautiful mornin'! Oh what a beautiful day! Oh what a beautiful mornin'! Everything's goin' my way!_

Elsewhere the organization is having a major infestation of teething mutant chompers.


	24. Little Bundles of Joy

A/N: Insert favorite insult, curse word, or whatever you want for #$%*&*^#% .

* * *

Little Bundles of Joy

Helen: I wonder how they're doing…

Deneve: Who cares…

Clare: I hope Chomper has bitten off Rubel's hand.

Miria: I wonder what they're going to do when they find out they lay eggs?

_Outside Rimuto's throne room_

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_

_Rimuto's throne room_

Erimita: Babies…

Orsay: Hah! Who was it that ran out of his room in tears screaming "Save me!" "Save me!"

Erimita: Shut up! At least I didn't almost wet myself!

Orsay: What?! At least I didn't try to use a child as a shield!

Rubel: Now, now this isn't the time for fighting….

Rado: Hah! How's your hand Rubel?

Erimita: What's wrong with his hand?

Rubel: Chomper!

Erimita: Excuse me?

Rubel holds up his hand and shows the others that it's completely wrapped up to the middle of his forearm. He slowly removes the bandage letting it hang towards the floor. The others' faces start to become more and more horrified as his arm is exposed. Rubel finally removes the last of the bandage to reveal a fuzzy black body with eighteen legs chomping away on his hand.

Rubel: Everyone meet Chomper.

Rimuto: _**ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO DIE!!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!!! I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO THEM!!! EAT THEM ALL BUT NOT ME!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Rado: Hey!!!!

Rimuto: SHUT UP! YOU DIDN'T EVEN REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY AND GIVE ME THAT PUPPY THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED! I ENDED UP GETTING NIBBLES AND BUBBLES! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY TRIED TO DO TO ME WHEN I OPENED UP THE BOX?! THEY TRIED TO EAT ME!!! AS FAR AS I'M CONCERED I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU!!!!

Orsay: Ummm… I'm not sure if you want to hear this…. but some more eggs just hatched…

Erimita: _SAVE ME! SAVE ME!_

Rado: THEY'RE COMING THIS WAY!!!

The others look in the direction that Rado was pointing in and saw a bunch of newly hatched chomping monsters crawling towards them.

Rimulto: (Grabs Rado and puts him in front of him) _EAT HIM! EAT HIM!_

Rado: HEY! LET GO! (Elbows Rimulto in the face)

Rimulto: _**GAH!!! OUCH!!! YOU BROKE MY PRETTY NOSE, YOU IDIOT!!!**_

_Somewhere outside_

Rachel: What the **#^$%^&** are those **#$%^%* **doing in that ***&!#$&%$%** room?! (Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!) Ouch! Stupid **#%^&%$#%$ **(Chomp!) **$^$^$#!!!!**

Audrey: Hmmm… Oh my….It appears that they're being eaten alive…. How….. pathetic…. I…… wonder if we should…… help…..

Rachel: Help those **#%$&%$&%^ **?! No **#$%^%$%$** way! (Chomp! Chomp!) Ouch! Get away **#$&^*^%^% **!!! (Chomp!) **%$^&%*^ **(Chomp!)

Audrey: Hmmm….. (Picks up the mini chomper and holds it in the general direction of Rachel)

Rachel: Get that **#^^%$^** away from me! (Chomp!) What the **#$^%&* **!!! Why does that **#$&^(& **keep **$#^%%*&** biting me?! (Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!)

Audrey): …. Rachel...... Say something else.

Rachel: What the **#^%$$&^ **is wrong with you?! (Chomp!) ARGH!!!! STOP THAT YOU LITTLE **#^%^&^%# **!!! (Chomp!)

Audrey: It appears that whenever you curse…. It bites you.

Rachel: What the **%^$#&^*^*^#** ?!!! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!!! (Chomp!) **$#$&%^*^%$&%$&^&%!!! **(Chomp!)

Audrey: You know Rachel, I think you should keep this thing as your pet. It might help cure you of your little cursing problem.

Rachel: I DO NOT HAVE A **%$&^%*%^^%$% **CURSING PROBLEM!!!! (Chomp!)

Audrey: You were saying…

Rachel: **%$&*^*&%%^^*^&%&^%^&*%$%$%^#*&^#$^&*^%$#*&*%$%$^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **(Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Chomp!)

_Back at the throne room_

Rubel: We have to do something about these things!!! (Waves his hand with Chomper on it at the approaching hoard)

Orsay: I know, but they just keep coming!!! (Waving a stick at the baby mutants)

Rimuto: I have a brilliant idea! I know exactly how to take care of our infestation problem!!!

Erimita: Oh yeah, how?

Rimuto: Miata….

Rado: Miata?

Rimuto: Yeah! If we get her, she'll go into kill mode and then all of our problems will be solved!!! There is no way that this will fail!!!

Erimita: Ok Mr. Genius, how do we escape here and get to her?

Rimuto: We use Rubel and Rado as decoys of course.

Rado/Rubel: _**WHAT?!!!**_

Erimita: Oh that's brilliant!!!

Rado/Rubel: _**WHAT?!!!**_

Rimuto: Ok, let's go!!!

Rimuto, Orsay, and Erimita shove Rado and Rubel towards the hoard and run to the door ignoring their comrades' screams. As they're approaching their goal, some of Cuddles' offspring start to block the way. Rimuto grabs Orsay and throws him to the floor, then steps on his back and launches himself towards the door. As he is reaching his hand out to the handle, five rows of fangs sink into it.

Rimuto: _**AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Erimita: (Jumping off Orsay's back towards Rimuto) OPEN THE DOOR!!!!!

Rimuto: I'M BEING EATEN ALIVE!!!!

Erimita: SO AM I!!! SUCK IT UP!!!!

Rimuto yanks the door open and the two of them dive out of the room slamming the door shut. They run screaming and crying all the way to Miata's room.

Rimuto: _**MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Erimita: _**HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Miata: …………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Rimuto: Miata, come kill the monsters!!!

Erimita: Come on. It'll be really fun!

A long drawn out screams drifts from the direction of Rimuto's throne room.

Rimuto: Miata, pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

Erimita: ARGH!!! We don't have time for this!!!

Erimita grabs Miata, slings her over his shoulder and runs back to the throne room with Rimuto following close behind. When they reach the room, Erimita opens the door and walks into the room of horrors. Orsay was feebly fighting off the mutant spiders, Rado was running around the room covered in spiders with around a hundred others chasing him, and Rubel was nowhere to be seen. However, if one was to guess at his location, it would have been the huge moving black mound in the middle of the floor. Erimita plops Miata on the floor and spins her around so that she was facing Cuddles' progeny.

Erimita: Those are the monsters.

Rimuto: Go Miata, kill the monster chompers.

The next two words Miata says causes all the hopes and dreams of the men in black to crumble.

Miata: ………….Cute………………..Babies…………………

Rimuto: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY'RE MONSTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY AREN'T CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miata:…………………HUG!!!

All of the mutant chompers look up at Miata and smile. They then all run towards her and give her many 18 legged hugs. Miata leaves with all of the mutants and walks back to her room. Rimuto collapses to the floor and starts sobbing and Erimita stands there repeating the words cute and baby. Orsay, Rado, and Rubel just lay on the floor too traumatized to move. Rubel is so distressed that he doesn't notice that Chomper is no longer attached to his hand.

Since Miata took all of the mutants into her room, the residents at the organization were at least saved from chomping injuries during the day. However, once night arrived the spiders would sneak out of her room and go on their ritual teething missions. The men in black repeatedly sent assassins to kill the spiders, but Miata would kill them in the most gruesome ways imaginable. So in the end they had to hope that a few stray ones would wander into the Abyss Feeders' chambers and get smashed by them, because everyone else was too terrified to incur Miata's wrath by killing her precious _babies_. The infestation caused work efficiency to drop dramatically due to sleep deprivation. Miata has become the only permanent resident besides the men in black at the organization because everyone else refuses to stay there if they don't have to. In the end Miria, Clare, Helen, Deneve, Cynthia, and Yuma's presents became the gift that kept on giving and was also one that they could never get rid of.


	25. Temper Temper

Temper Temper

_**Monday:**_

Miria: Lunch time! Now I can sit down in peace and quiet and eat my favorite sandwich, drink my favorite tea and enjoy some alone time. Ah…. Peace and quiet I have soooo missed you. Ok, now where is my lunch…. (Looking around her stuff) What? Where is it?

Helen walks in eating something

Helen: Hey, Miria! Guess what I found?! A magical sandwich! It appeared out of nowhere!

Miria: Ah!!!!!! My sandwich! Why are you eating my sandwich?!

Helen: …. Your…. Sandwich? (Looks down at what's left of the sandwich)

Miria: YES! MY SANDWICH! WHY ARE YOU EATING IT?!

Helen: Uh… I found the magical sandwich and I thought that the magical sandwich was the one and only Great Magical Sandwich that appeared to the one special person that it deemed worthy to eat it.

Miria: ………………………_WHAT?!_ THE GREAT MAGICAL SANDWICH?! WERE YOU BRAIN DAMAGED IN PIETA OR WERE YOU ALWAYS THIS STUPID?! WHERE EXACTLY DID YOU FIND THIS GREAT MAGICAL SANDWICH?! DID IT HAPPEN TO BE IN MY THINGS?!

Helen: Ummm….. Maybe?

Miria: …………..1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10…. Deep calming breaths…. In… Out…. Why were you in my things?

Helen: I smelled something really good and decided to look for the source. I found the source in your things! It was really good!

Miria: **I KNOW IT WAS GOOD!!! THAT WAS MY FAVORITE SANDWICH!!! I WAS GOING TO EAT IT TODAY AND DRINK MY FAVORITE TEA IN PEACE AND QUIET!!!**

Helen:…. Oh….. Ummm… Sorry?

Miria: ……. Give it back.

Helen: What? How? It's already in my tummy.

Miria: I know. (Draws her claymore)

Helen: _**AGH!!!!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!!!!!!!! MIRIA'S GONNA KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!**_

_**Tuesday:**_

Deneve: Wow Helen, you were lucky we showed up when we did! Otherwise Miria would have cut you up for eating her sandwich.

Helen: I know…. Hey, what are Tabitha and Yuma doing?

Deneve: I told them to get in Miria's face and stare at her while she slept.

Helen: Why?

Deneve: So that we know the moment she wakes up and you can run and hide.

Helen: Oh, that's brilliant!

Meanwhile in Miria's sleeping brain….

Miria: Something's not right. I feel as if someone's watching me, but I'm all alone in this meadow. Reveling in the peace and quiet…… Oh, I'm dreaming. Then that must mean…… (She opens her eyes and sees four huge eyes staring back at her) _**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR**_ (Tabitha: Deneve! She's awake!) _**GGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Thwack! Thwack! Thud! Thud!

Deneve: Uh oh……

Miria had wacked Tabitha and Yuma on the sides of their heads with the broad side of her claymore.

Miria: **WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU!!! YOU DON'T GET INTO SOMEONE'S FACE LIKE THAT WHEN THEY'RE SLEEPING!!! IT'S CREEPY!!! WHERE DID YOU GET AN IDEA LIKE THAT?!!!**

Yuma: (whimpering) Deneve told us to.

Miria: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10…. Deep calming breaths…. In… Out…. Deneve, come here. (No answer) Deneve? Where did she go!

Tabitha: She and Helen ran for it.

Miria: **YOU TWO GET BACK HERE!!!**

Helen: NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID! YOU GOT ME IN TROUBLE TOO!!!!

Deneve: WHAT DOES IT MATTER TO YOU?! YOU'RE ALWAYS IN TROUBLE!!! NOW SHUT UP AND KEEP RUNNING!!!

_**Wednesday:**_

Cynthia: (singing) _La Li La Li La Oooooooooh! Cute little puppies go Woof! Woof! Cute little kitties go Meow! Meow! They're all so fluffy and puffy and cuddly and incredibly loveable!!!!!!!! They are the perfect friend for me! Yes the perfect friend for me…._

Miria: (slightly scared) Uh….. Cynthia, what are you doing?

Cynthia: Singing about puppies and kitties. (Pours something into a pot)

Miria: Uh… Yeah I kinda heard that part, but that's not what I meant. What are you making?

Cynthia: Oh this? I was bored so I decided to make my super secret art craft. (Pours something else in the pot)

Miria: Super secret art craft? Do I even want to know?

Cynthia: Of course! It's really cool!!! You wanna see? I'm almost done! (Stirs it)

Miria: I'm probably going to really regret this. (Sigh) Fine, show me.

Cynthia: Yay!!! Here it goes!!! (She throws something into the pot, kicks the pot, and then it explodes in a wet fiery red glory all over Miria and Cynthia and everything in the vicinity, which happened to be all of Miria's things.)

Miria: **ARGH!!!!!!**

Cynthia: YAY!!!!!!!! LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!!

Miria: **NO!!! **…..1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10…. Deep calming breaths…. In… Out…. Cynthia, kindly clean all of this up and you are no longer allowed to be in here unsupervised again.

_**Thursday**_

Clare: Hmmmmmmmmm…………………………..

Tabitha: What's wrong Clare? Do we need to explain it again?

Cynthia: We don't mind.

Yuma: Clare's scary.

Cynthia: Why do you say that?

Yuma: She's thinking. No good ever comes from her thinking.

Clare: ….. So….. What you guys are saying is that…… you guys are better at healing than I am…

Tabitha: Yeah.

Clare: That being injured isn't as bad for you as it is for me….

Cynthia: Yep.

Clare: ….. So if you lose a limb……… you can always grow it back….

Cynthia: Yep, as long as it hasn't been too long we can pop another one out! Haha!

Clare:………………….

Yuma: Oh no! She's thinking something evil!!!

Clare: So that means……………..

Tabitha: Defensive types are completely awesome!!!

Clare: Yeah! Defensive types _are_ completely awesome!!! (Yuma: Here it comes.) You guys make the perfect sparring partners!!!!!!!!!!

Cynthia: Huh? What?

Clare: Yeah! No matter how much I cut you up! You can always heal it!!! It's perfect!!! Here we go Cynthia!!!

Cynthia: A-Ah!!! No wait!!! If you injure me, who's going to aid the healing of the others?

Clare: ……… That's a good point. Ok, here we go Tabitha!!!

Tabitha: Then who's going to search for enemies?

Clare: ……… Yuma!!! (Swings and cuts Yuma's arm off)

Yuma: _**ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clare: Walk it off and hurry up and grow it back.

Yuma: _**I'M NOT DENEVE!!!! I CAN'T JUST POP ANOTHER ONE OUT IN LIKE 2 SECONDS!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clare: Oh…. Sorry……Deneve! She's the perfect partner!!! Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deneve: What's all this screaming for?

_Elsewhere_

Miria: I sense someone doing something stupid.

_Back to the group_

Deneve: Yuma! What happened to you?!

Clare: Prepare yourself Deneve!!!

Deneve: What?! (Clare cuts her leg off) _**ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Meanwhile Miria arrives to see Tabitha and Cynthia huddled to the side, and Yuma and Deneve on the ground a limb or so short of when she last saw them and Clare standing above them her sword covered in blood.

Miria: WHAT HAPPENED?!!!

Deneve: _**CLARE CUT MY LEG OFF!!!!!**_

Miria: _**CLARE!!! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!!! ARE YOU CRAZY?!!!!**_

Clare: No. Cynthia, Tabitha, and Yuma were explaining in detail about the differences between defensive and offensive types… So I concluded that defensive types make the best sparring partners.

Miria: …….. **_1-1-2-3-4-5-3-4-6-7-8-9-10-6-1-10_**…. Deep calming breaths…. In… Out…. _Clare, you…….just go back to the cave._

_**Friday**_

Helen: As all of you know, Miria seems to be having a bad week. So Deneve and I came up with a brilliant plan so make her happy again!

Cynthia: How are we going to get her to come way out here?

Deneve: Well being the genus I am I came up with a brilliant way to lure Miria here. Last night Helen and I borrowed some of Miria's clothes.

Yuma: YOU GUYS STOLE MIRIA'S CLOTHES?!

Deneve: No, we took everything but her shirt and skirt.

Helen: Yeah, we're not stupid. If we took everything she would kill us.

Deneve: Clare, did you finish them?

Clare: Yep, made a whole lot of them too.

Helen: Cynthia and Tabitha did you finish what I asked you two to do?

Tabitha: Yeah, we made it a little bigger than what you asked.

Helen: Great.

Back in the Cave

Miria: Ah, it's so quiet. How nice. I think I'll just lay here and relax…. Wait, it's quiet. What's going on? (Opens eyes) What? Where are the rest of my clothes? THEY STOLE EVERYTHING BUT MY SHIRT AND SKIRT!!! WHERE ARE THEY?!!! (Looks around and notices something black outside the cave) What's that? (Goes outside and looks) It's one of my belt things! It looks like there's something black way over there too. THOSE IDIOTS SPREAD MY CLOTHES ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!

_30 minutes later_

Miria: I am seriously going to kill them. I still haven't found my shoes! Oh, they are sooooooo going to regret this! (Starts imagining horrible punishments for them) It's my shoes!!! Oh how I've missed you!!!

Helen: NOW!!!

Miria gets hit with a barrage of snow balls from every direction. Helen and Deneve run behind Miria with a snow ball bigger than them and dump it on Miria's head. Everyone but Miria begin to pelt each other with snow balls. Miria just stands there occasionally getting hit by a snow ball.

Helen: Mwahahahaha!!!!

Cynthia: I don't think Miria is happy…

Deneve: What makes you think that?

They look over at Miria who is mumbling to herself. Somehow all the snow around her had melted and she was giving off an ominous black cloud of death.

Miria: ………_**1-**__She ate my sandwich__**-2-**__They nearly gave me a heart attack-__**3-**__ She blew up something in my face and got it all over my stuff-__**4-**__They made Clare think, then Clare concluded that cutting up someone was a good idea- __**5-**__They steal my clothes…. They spread them out all over the place…. THEY MAKE ME WALK AROUND FOR THIRTY MINUTES WITHOUT MY SHOES…..__**THEN THEY HIT ME WITH SNOW BALLS AND DUMP A HUGE BALL OF SNOW ON MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! **_

Helen: I know what she needs! She needs another snow ball!!!!(Hits Miria with a snow ball)

Miria: _**AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Tabitha: I think she's mad….

Cynthia: I'm scared….If she's melted the snow around her with just her anger, what is she going to do to us?

Miria: _**OH YOU AREN'T GOING TO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT THAT FOR LONG, BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO REVEAL THAT MYSTERY TO YOU NOW!!!**_

Helen: Yay! Another snow ball! (Miria gets hit once again)

Clare: Uh… Miria, don't forget you deep breathing.

Miria: _**SHUT UP!!! NOW AS IT SEEMS THAT ALL OF YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOO INCREDIBLY BORED THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN TORTURE ME WITH YOUR STUPIDITY……**_

Helen: Is she calling us stupid?

Miria: _**SHUT UP!!! THE NEXT PERSON WHO TALKS GETS KICKED ALL THE WAY BACK TO PIETA!!!**_

Helen: But that's…. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miria kicks her into the sky and the others stand watching her retreating form and listen to her fading scream.

Miria: _**ANYONE WANT TO JOIN HER?! **_(They all shake their heads no)_** NOW, NO NEED TO FEAR I WILL ALLEVIATE YOUR BOREDOM!!! FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS ALL OF YOU WILL BE CLEANING THE CAVE EVERYDAY!!! IT WILL BE SPOTLESS!!! IT WILL LOOK SOOOO CLEAN THAT EVEN DIRT WILL STAND IN AWE!!! YOU ARE ALL ACCEPETED INTO MY SPECIAL TRAINING PROGRAM!!! YOU WILL TRAIN HARD AND I WILL OVERSEE THAT NONE OF YOU MESS AROUND!!! YOU WILL ALL COOK DINNER, CLARE IS ONLY ALLOWED TO HAND STUFF TO YOU GUYS, AND YOU WILL ALL WORK TOGETHER TO DO ALL THE CHORES!!! YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO DO ANYTHING STUPID FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS!!! NONE OF YOU WILL COMPLAIN IF YOU DON'T WANT TO FEEL MY WRATH!!!**_ _**NOW TABITHA AND DENEVE GO AND RETIRIVE HELEN!!! THE REST OF YOU GO CLEAN THE CAVE!!! **_


	26. Miria’s Happy Place

_**A/N**_: Sorry for the late release I've been sick so nothing got done.

* * *

Miria's Happy Place

It had been two months since the _incident_. Two months of nothing but harsh training and chores. It had been two months since they had had any fun at all. It had been absolutely horrible nothing fun had happened, well except Helen's broken butt. It appeared when Miria had made good on her promise to kick the next person who talked to Pieta, Helen broke her butt. Whether it happened when Miria kicked Helen or on her landing wasn't really important. Upon her return she became the source of great amusement and Clare and Deneve nearly laughed themselves stupid when they heard. It was hard to tell who was more embarrassed though, Helen who had broken her butt or Cynthia who had to help Helen heal her broken butt. Helen became the source of a string of jokes from then on. She never found any of them funny however on the account that her butt was still sore. Now the two months were over and they all were determined to have some stupid fun to celebrate the end of their punishment. And that is how Miria found herself contemplating the meaning of her existence.

Miria had only left them for a couple of hours. What trouble could they possibly get into in two hours? Apparently a lot. When Miria returned she received the shock of her life. Somehow during her absence they had all gotten completely drunk and during their adventure had also managed to blow up the cave. Yes, the cave was completely gone. Their things were everywhere and all that remained of their former home were pieces of rock and a smoldering crater.

Miria: W-wh-wh-wh…

Helen: Oh, Look Miria's back! (Swaying slightly)

Clare: Miria! We had a party!!!

Miria: W-wh-wh-wh… (manages to point to the smoldering crater)

Tabitha: Oh yeah, it was blocking the view.

Cynthia: So I grabbed the huge cooking pot and made a super quadruple version of my super secret art craft! It went Boom!!! Mwahahahahahaha!!!!

Miria: C-c-c-c-c-c-c-ca-ve….ca-ve….cave…….

Yuma: _**MY LOYAL SUBJECTS!**_ (Talking to a group of snow bunnies she made) _**THE TIME IS AT HAND! THE WORLD WILL BE OURS! WE WILL RULE WITH AN IRON FIST!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! LET US GO AND CONQUOR THOSE THAT OPPOSE US!!!!**_

Deneve: THIS TIME IT'LL WORK!!! I'LL DEFINATLY FLY THIS TIME!!! WHEEEEEE!!! I'M FLYING!!!!!

Deneve has a claymore in each hand and is flapping them like giant wings. She goes blazing through Yuma's snow bunnies.

Yuma: _**AGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LOYAL SUBJECTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

It was then that it happened. Miria's mind shattered into little tiny pieces. The force of her mind breaking was so powerful that it sent a shock wave through the universe and for mysterious reasons immediately sobered her brain damaged charges.

Miria: ……………. Mmhmmmmmhmmmmmm………(Drooling)

Deneve: Uh oh…..

Clare: I-I think we finally went too far.

Tabitha: Uh…. Miria? (Waves into her empty eyes)

Miria: ………mwah….gah…….mhmm……mwah….

Helen: AGH!!! WE'VE REDUCED MIRIA TO A BABBLING IDIOT!!!! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!!!

Cynthia: This is your fault you know!!! If you hadn't been complaining about your sore butt then we wouldn't have wanted to cheer you up!!!!

Helen: My fault?! Who was the one who blew up the cave?!

Cynthia: WHAT?! WHO WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD ME TO BLOW IT UP IN THE FIRST PLACE?!

Helen: _WHAT?! WHO WAS THE ONE WHO SAID THEY KNEW HOW TO BLOW UP STUFF?!_

Cynthia:_** WHAT?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HELPED ME!!!!!**_

Deneve: Ok, you two stop! I think Miria's condition is more important than whose fault it is. What are we going to do now?

Yuma: Hey! I think Miria's better now!

They all look at Miria. Miria starts to look around at them with slightly unfocused eyes.

Tabitha: Miria?

Miria:…………

Deneve: Do you know who we are?

Miria: …………..

Deneve: Ok… I take that as a no…. I'm Deneve…

Miria: Of course I know who you are!!! (Deneve: That good.) You're Yachiru!

Deneve: What?!

Miria: But Yachiru, why did you bleach your hair? Pink really was your color.

Deneve: P-p-pink?

Clare: Ahahahaha!!! That's awesome!

Miria: Oh…. Your name is Ed!!! Ed, what happened to your four legged shadow Ein?! Oh no!!! You lost Ein!!!

Clare: Ein?

Yuma: I think that's suppose to be Raki…

Miria: Oh… You're here too Mr. Soupy!

Yuma hangs her head in shame and Tabitha walks over to comfort her.

Miria: Gasp! It's Twenty Faces the phantom thief!!! Oh, it's so good to meet you!!! I'm so happy to see that you've eluded arrest so far, but that disguise is rather strange. Oh well, I guess if you're in hiding cross dressing isn't out of the question.

Tabitha: C-cross dressing?

Cynthia: Um… Deneve? I think I prefer the babbling like an idiot Miria. This one is really scary.

Miria: Big O lets go!!! (Miria jumps on Cynthia and they both fall. Cynthia is knocked unconscious.) Hmmm… You're not Big O. Who are you? Oh, I know you're Suzuka!!! I can tell because of your aversion to clothes!!!

Helen: Bwhahahahaha!!!

Miria: Why Sailor Stupid! What are you doing here?

Helen: S-sailor S-S-stupid?

Miria starts babbling about justice, love and other random things that make no sense.

_Three hours later_

Cynthia: (Regains consciousness) Ow ow ow… My _head_... What's Miria doing?

Deneve: I'm not completely sure, but she's been twirling and posing for the past three hours.

Miria: (Singing ending to Claymore) _Kokoro mada anata no kioku no nake de Karada sagashiteru tarinai watashi wo Kyou mo dokoka de dareka ga nagasu namida Tsumetaku warai sadamete ikite yuku koto Nakusenai mono nigirishime nagara Watashi wa ima mo koko ni iru no Karenai hana wa utsukushikute Yuruginai omoi wo mune ni sakitsuzuketa Chigireta kumo no danzai no sora Tomaranai kanashimi wo dakishimeteta…. _

Clare: Oh yay, now she's _singing_! (wham!) Ouch!!!

Deneve: Shut up! If you have time to be sarcastic you have time to think of a way to bring her back to reality!

Miria: _**JUSTICE!!! MWAHAHAHA!!! IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE YOU WILL BE PUNISHED AND I WON'T FORGIVE YOU!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!**_

Miria grabs her claymore throws it on the ground and jumps on top of it. All the others can do is stare in shock as Miria uses her claymore as a modified snowboard and zooms down the mountain screaming about justice and whatever else she happened to be babbling about at the moment.

Deneve: Ack!!! Helen!!! You were supposed to be watching her!!!

Helen: What?! How was I supposed to know that she would do that! One minute she was twirling and singing and the next thing I know she's zooming down the mountain on her claymore! There is no way you can say this is my fault, _Yachiru_!

Yachiru (Deneve): Oh yes I can Sailor Stupid!!!

Yuma: Ummm…

Sailor Stupid (Helen): What is it Mr. Soupy?!

Mr. Soupy (Yuma): Well it's just that…. Miria's kinda really far away now. Don't you think someone should you know…. bring her back?

Sailor Stupid (Helen): Ed! Why are you doing nothing?!

Ed (Clare): I'm supposed to be thinking of ways to bring Miria back to the real world!

Sailor Stupid (Helen): ….. Big O-Suzuka!

Big O-Suzuka (Cynthia): My head still hurts.

Deneve: Allllright Twenty Faces-Tabitha- whoever you are, let's go bring her back.

Twenty Faces (Tabitha): But I don't want to go! She's scary!

Deneve: Don't be a baby. The rest of you come up with a _good_ plan on how to get Miria back to normal.

_Meanwhile….._

Miria: Chibi Chibi, what's the meaning of my existence? (Talking to her Claymore)

Chibi Chibi (Miria's Claymore): Snoopy.

Miria: Really?! Oh thank you Chibi Chibi! What's the meaning of justice?

Chibi Chibi (Miria's Claymore): When it rains upwards and a big black ball of doom descends on you bad things will come to pass.

Miria: Oh wow! Thank you Chibi Chibi! I've always wanted to know what the meaning of justice was! Oh no!!! I don't have anything to write the knowledge you have imparted to me on!!! How will I ever remember that the meaning of my existence is Snoopy and that justice is when it rains upwards and a big black ball of doom descends on you bad things will come to pass?!!!

Chibi Chibi: Don't worry you won't ever forget the meaning of your existence is Snoopy.

Miria: Really?! What about the meaning of justice?

Chibi Chibi: The meaning of justice is always changing. Tomorrow the meaning of justice will be a barrel full of half eaten apples.

Miria: Oh! That makes perfect sense!

Chibi Chibi: I know doesn't it?

_Back at the smoldering crater_

Yuma: Ummm… How are we going to bring Miria back to normal?

Helen: I don't know. Hit her with a bunch of snow balls?

Cynthia: You know that's what got us into this mess in the first place.

Helen: You guys are intent on blaming this whole thing on me aren't you?

Cynthia: Yes.

Helen: _**WHAT?! WHY?!**_

Cynthia: Because it's always your fault.

Yuma: Blaming Helen isn't going to bring Miria back, although it does make me feel better.

Helen: _**I GOING TO POUND YOU TWO!!!**_

Clare: I have an idea on how to bring Miria back.

Helen: What is it?

Clare: Hit her with a rock.

Cynthia: Try again.

Clare:……… Hit her head with a claymore?

Helen: That'll make it worse.

Yuma: I don't think Clare should be thinking. Bad things happen when she does.

_In the middle of nowhere_

Chibi Chibi: Now go Miria and vanquish the evil ones!!!

Miria: Yes Chibi Chibi! Die in the name of… _**WHEN IT RAINS UPWARDS AND A BIG BLACK BALL OF DOOM DECENDS ON YOU BAD THINGS WILL COME TO PASS!!!**_ (GASP!!!) Chibi Chibi? Isn't there a shorter meaning of justice?

Chibi Chibi: Yes, three days from next Tuesday.

Miria: Oh, ok.

Chibi Chibi: Now go and defeat them in the name of Snoopy!

Miria: _**FOR SNOOPY!!!!**_

Miria runs forward and starts randomly swinging and slashing her claymore through imaginary enemies. Sometime during this episode Deneve and Tabitha appear.

Deneve: Wow… She's really lost it.

Tabitha: What is she doing?

Deneve: Looks like she's fighting imaginary people.

Tabitha: Right….. How are we going to bring her back without getting cut up into small unidentifiable pieces?

Deneve: ……….

Tabitha: **YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN?!!!!**

Deneve: Ummm…… Not really….

Tabitha: **BUT-BUT YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE SMART!!! I MEAN I WAS WORRIED ABOUT COMING AFTER HER, BUT I WAS COMFORTED BY THE FACT IT I WAS GOING WITH YOU AND NOT HELEN!!! NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU'RE NOT THE SMART ONE OF THE BRAINLESS DUO?!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Deneve: Oh, come on don't be like that. I just have to have time to think of a plan and you're in luck. While you were ranting I came up with one.

Tabitha: Is it a _good_ one?

Deneve: Do you want the truth or a comforting lie?

Tabitha: Truth.

Deneve: This is probably the worst plan ever. A four year old could have done better and there is a high possibility that we'll die.

Tabitha: ……… Comforting lie……

Deneve: This is the greatest and smartest plan in history and we will most defiantly not end up cut up into small unidentifiable pieces.

Tabitha: My life sucks…..

Deneve: Let's go!

Deneve grabs Tabitha's arm and starts to drag her to where Miria is slashing the imaginary enemies.

Tabitha: So what's the plan?

Deneve: We go up to her and tell her that we're being mercilessly attacked by very bad people and to please come and save us. (smile)

Tabitha: ………

Deneve: Miria!!!

Miria: Who are you!!!

Deneve: It's me, Dene-Yachiru. It's me Yachiru and Twenty Faces.

Miria: How do I know it's really you and not some evil impersonators?

Deneve: Ummm…… Because……I ………said so? (Tabitha smacks her forehead with her hand)

Miria: Why did your friend smack herself?

Deneve: Ummm…. Mosquito?

Miria: …………. Ok, Well I know how to tell if it's really you or not. Quick tell me the meaning of justice!

Deneve: Ummm… To protect the weak from really bad people?

Miria: **NO!** _**WHEN IT RAINS UPWARDS AND A BIG BLACK BALL OF DOOM DECENDS ON YOU BAD THINGS WILL COME TO PASS!!!**_ (GASP!!!) **Imposters!!!**

Tabitha: ………We're going to die….

Deneve: Oh, sorry sorry. You see the two of us are so stupid that we really can't comprehend a concept like that!

Miria: ….Ok.

Meanwhile several big bad yoma appear. Miria notices them and turns to fight them.

Miria: **BEGONE** **IN THE NAME OF…** _**WHEN IT RAINS UPWARDS AND A BIG BLACK BALL OF DOOM DECENDS ON YOU BAD THINGS WILL COME TO PASS!!!**_ (GASP!!!)

Chibi Chibi: No Miria, the meaning of justice has changed. It is now… If you hurt your violin, your violin teacher will hurt you.

Miria: **FORGET WHAT I JUST SAID. THE MEANING OF JUSTICE HAS NOW CHANGED TO … IF YOU HURT YOUR VIOLIN, YOUR VIOLIN TEACHER WILL HURT YOU!!! SO BEGONE IN THE NAME OF… IF YOU HURT YOUR VIOLIN, YOUR VIOLIN TEACHER WILL HURT YOU!!!**

Yoma 1: Yo! Crazy girl's friends! What's wrong with her?!

Deneve: Ummm….. nothing?

Tabitha: Can it get any worse?

Yoma 1: ….. No, I can defiantly tell that somethings …(Yoma 2: ARGH!!!!!!) (Yoma 2 is cut in half) HEY WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! WHY DID YOU KILL MY BEST BUDDY?!

Yoma 3: ARGH!!!!! THAT WAS MY ARM!!! NO, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! (Head is cleaved)

Miria: **EVIL DOER BEGONE!!! **

She runs screaming and swinging her claymore at the yoma. He barely dodges losing his arm in the process. He screams in pain and swats Miria's claymore away from her.

Miria: _**NO!!! CHIBI CHIBI!!! **_(Miria's claymore flys high into the sky and falls to the ground with a thud)

Yoma 1: _**ARGH!!!!! MY ARM!!!! DIE!!!**_

Deneve slashes the yoma to pieces before it kills Miria.

Miria: NO!!! CHIBI CHIBI!!!!

Tabitha: Is she talking to her claymore?

Deneve: Yep.

Miria: CHIBI CHIBI YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!!!

Chibi Chibi: It's ok Miria. I'll always be with…. you…. All you….. have to do….. is call me by…… my real…..name……

Miria: Your real name? Chibi Chibi, what's your real name?

Chibi Chibi: My….. real…. name….is……………………………………………………………………………..Ninny Fru Fru……..

Miria: Ninny Fru Fru?

Chibi Chibi: ….. Yes……….Ninny………..Fru………..Fru………………

Mira: NO!!!! DON'T GO NINNY FRU FRU!!!! COME BACK!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Tabitha: Ummm….. Miria, we can take Ninny Fru Fru back with us and maybe Cyn-ah- Big O-Suzuka can fix her.

_Back to the smoldering crater_

Miria: Well what's taking so long?

Cynthia: Uh…I don't know what to do.

Miria: Ninny Fru Fru………… You make Ninny Fru Fru better!!! (Grabs Cynthia's shirt) Make Ninny Fru Fru better!!! (Shakes her) Make Ninny Fru Fru better!!!

Cynthia: Ah!!! I'm sorry I don't know what to do! Please don't kill me!!!

Twack!

Deneve: Clare!!! Why did you hit Miria with that rock?!

Clare: She was about to kill Cynthia! I had to do something! Besides maybe this will make her better!

Miria: Ow! My head! What happened?

Yuma: Miria! You're back!!!!!!!! (Starts hugging her)

Miria: Agh!!! Get off!!! What's going on?! The last thing I remember is leaving all of you here… THE CAVE! YOU IDIOTS BLEW UP THE CAVE!

Helen: You know… I think I'm beginning to miss crazy Miria. (Smack!) Deneve! What was that for?!

Deneve: Shut up! This is your fault!!!

Helen: Why?

Deneve: Because I said so!!!

Their argument was cut short when Miria kicked Clare past them. They look up and immediately regret it because Miria has a look of pure murderous intent in her eyes. Deneve and Helen start to tremble in fear and look to Yuma, Cynthia, and Tabitha for help but find none, because Miria had apparently already knocked them out. Helen and Deneve run for their lives and almost escape Miria, but they trip and fall over some of the remnants of their former home. The next day Miria made Cynthia and Helen go look for a new home, while she made the others clean all of her things. Well, the end result of the whole unfortunate episode was that they were rendered temporarily homeless, bruised, and grounded indefinitely.

* * *

**_A/N_**: Yachiru is from bleach, Ed and Ein are from Cow Boy Bebop, Mr. Soupy was a Green Dragon costume in Scrapped Princess, Twenty Faces is from Daughter of Twenty Faces, Big O is from Big O, Suzuka is Tokko, and Sailor Stupid is an exaggerated modification of Sailor Moon, Chibi Chibi is also Sailor Moon.


	27. Art Projects With Galatea

Art Projects With Galatea

Galatea: Allllllright kiddies! It's craft time!!! YAY!!!

Nun 1: Why does she always have so much energy?

Nun 2: I don't know, but the more important question is how is she going to be able to do craft time?

Nun 1: What do you mean?

Nun 2: She's blind.

Nun 1: So?

Nun 2: So? She's holding a saw in her hand! Doesn't that worry you in the slightest?! (Glances over to watch Galatea wave the saw around)

Nun 1: Not really, because you see I'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay over here and she's waaaaaaaaaaaaay over there. Only a freak accident could cause her to hit me.

Nun 2: Uh huh, well I'm going to stand behind you in case a freak accident does occur.

Galatea: Alright kids as I said before its' craft time! Isn't that exciting?! (Child 1: Her excitement is scaring me.) Today is a free day and you can make anything that your ity bity hearts desire! Ok, let's get started!

Child 2: When did she pick the hammer up and why does she even have a saw and hammer?

Child 3: I'm not sure, but I don't think I want to know.

Child 1: Maybe she's just holding them?

Child 2: Yeah right, keeping on hoping.

Child 3: Anyway, what are you going to do?

Child 1: Draw a pretty pretty picture with no monsters or anything traumatizing.

Child 2: I'm doing a macaroni picture!

Galatea: Oh splendid!

Child 1,2,3: Ah!!!!!!!!!!!

Child 1 is so startled by Galatea's sudden appearance that she falls out of her chair. Fortunately, Galatea catches her before she hits the floor.

Child: 2: How can she silently creep up on people?

Child 3: I don't know, but I think the more important question is how she was able to catch her when she can't even see.

Child 1: How long was she standing there?

Galatea: Long enough to hear that you are drawing a pretty pretty picture and you're doing a macaroni picture!

Child 3: Does she have like super hearing powers?

Galatea: What are you going to do?

Child 3: I'm making something out of popsicles sticks.

Galatea: Ooooooooo (Child 1: Seriously, what's wrong with here today? She's a lot goofier than usual.) This is going to be great!!! I looooooooooooooooooove craft time!!!!!!

Child 2: Ummm… Are you feeling ok?

Galatea: Yeah, why do you ask?

Child 2: Well, you're kinda acting a bit weird.

Galatea: Oh, well I'm just sooooooooooo excited to be doing craft day! Also, I discovered the most wonderful thing in the world today! It's called _candy_!

Child 3: Ummm… how much did you eat?

Galatea: Hmmm…. It's hard to say. I kinda lost count after the third bag.

Child 1: Wow! You ate more than three bags of candy and you're not sick?!

Galatea: How could a wonderful thing like candy make you sick?

Child 2: I wonder when she's going to come down off her sugar high?

Child 3: Hopefully soon.

Galatea: Well, I'm going to leave the three of you to do your craft and I'm going to start mine!!! Oh, you kids are going to loooove it!!! (Skips away)

Child 1: If she thinks we're going to love it, does that mean that we're about to be traumatized again?

Child 2: Nah, besides what can she possible make during craft time that would traumatize us? I mean after those stories I don't think anything could surprise me.

The children start working on their crafts and everything seems to calm down for a bit. That is until they start hearing mysterious sawing and hammering noises coming from a corner. They look over to the corner and see Galatea merrily hammering and sawing away at something.

Nun 1: How is she doing that?

Nun 2: I don't know. What I want to know is how she hasn't smashed herself with the hammer or cut a finger off with the saw.

Nun 1: …… She's moving so fast and yet she hasn't hit anyone.

Galatea: YAY!!!! I'M DONE!!!!!

Galatea flings her arms wide open and the hammer flies out of her hand and straight to the head of Nun 1.

Nun 1: GAH!!!

Nun 1 falls to the ground unconscious while Nun 2 revels in her good fortune and intellect.

Nun 2: Hah! _Only a freak accident could cause her to hit me!_ I'm glad I thought of using you as a shield just in case.

Galatea: Alllllllllllllright!!!! It's share time!!! Yay!!! Hahahahahaha!!!!!

Child 1: Well it appears she still on her sugar high.

Child 2: Really? What made you think that?

Child 1: Shut up! You don't have to be so sarcastic!

Child 3: Stop arguing or she's gonna hear you.

Galatea: Hear what?

Child 1,2,3: ARH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Child 1: How was she able to sneak up on us again?!

Child 3: Well, the two of you were arguing so we probably didn't notice her.

Galatea: Why don't you share first.

Child 3: O-ok. I made a house out of popsicle sticks.

Galatea: That's the bestest house ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Child 3: Sister Latea's hyper side is a little scary.) You're next!

Child 2: I made a picture of you out of macaroni…..

Galatea: Oh! It's lovely!!!

Child 2: ……………………………. How…

Galatea: Hahaha! You're next!

Child 1: I drew a picture of a meadow.

Galatea: That's the most beautiful meadow ever drawn!!!!!!!!!!!

Child 2: Ummm… how do you know that it's "the most beautiful meadow ever drawn" and that my macaroni picture was lovely and that her house is the "bestest house ever" if you can't see?

Galatea: I just know.

Child 1: That makes no sense.

Galatea: …..It does to me! Ahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Child 3: ……….

Galatea: Oh oh, my turn! My turn! My turn! My turn! My turn! My turn! My turn! My turn! My turn! My turn! (Jumping up and down)

Child 1: Hey, I think we need to hide all the candy from her tomorrow.

Child 2: Yeah, good idea.

Galatea: Lookie what I made! Tada! (Pulls out a box with a metal rod sticking out of the side)

Child 3: It's a box.

Galatea; It's more than that! It does stuff! Mwahahahahahahaha!!!!

Child 1: I'm scared.

Child 2: Me too.

Galatea starts to crank the metal rod in the side. What happened next would haunt the children for the rest of their lives. The box started to play a creepy wavering melody that sounded like it would die any minute.

Box: _Da...dum…. da dum…..da dum di da dum………da dum………_…………

The children lean towards the box to hear the disappearing melody. When the top of the box suddenly exploded and out popped a three headed monster. One head was of a teddy bear with tentacles coming out of its' mouth, the second head was fanged rabbit with blood red eyes, and the last one was a giant flower head with fangs and thorns poking out at odd angles all over the place. The body was big black and hairy and had a giant mouth in the center with five rows of fangs. The whole monster was attached to a spring, which made it bounce back and forth ominously.

Children: _**ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_ (Shaking in fear)

Galatea: Wait! There's more! (She squeezes the black body)

Three headed monster: _**I………….LOOOOOOVE………….**__**You**__**…………………………….**_

Children: _**ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_ (Crying)

Galatea: Oh, I knew all of you would love it!!! I also had time to make something else as well!!!

She takes out a doll dressed in black clothes, with black sunglasses, and a black hat.

Galatea: Lookie!!!!!!!!!! A baby doll!!!! Hahahahahahaha!!!! (Squeezes it)

Rubel baby doll: _**Maamaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

The low shaky voice finally cracked the poor children and had them sobbing uncontrollably. None of the children would go near the new _toys_ Galatea made for them. They had all developed phobias of Jack in the Boxes and baby dolls dressed in black that talked. So, Galatea's special toys never got any use that is until Miata came. The Talking Rubel baby became her favorite. She would spend hours squeezing it repeatedly. Although, Clarice was convinced her enthrallment with it was because he said her favorite word over and over again. Galatea was so excited with her success that she decided to make more toys. The end result being that her toys were now hidden in an abandoned room where they can't see the light of day.


	28. Dauf’s Days Are Numbered

Dauf's Days Are Numbered

Riful: Dauf!!!

Dauf: Yes Riful?

Riful: Do my laundry!

Dauf: Ok. (Walks away with several dresses)

Riful: Oh, and Dauf! You better not mess them up! Those are my favorite dresses!!!

_The next day_

Riful: Where could that idiot be?! It doesn't take a day to wash four dresses!

_Four days later_

Riful: That's it! I'm finding a new minion! Dauf is officially kicked out!

Dauf lumbers into the room

Riful: Dauf!!! Where have you been!!!

Dauf: Dah… Washing your dresses…

Riful: You've been gone five days!!! It doesn't take _five_ days to wash _four_ dresses! One day tops! That's it! Now what have you been doing the past five days!!!!

Dauf: Dah… Washing your dresses…

Riful:….. YOU ALREADY SAID THAT YOU IDIOT!!!!

Dauf: …. Here ya go. (Hands her the dresses)

Riful:…………….._**WHAT THE #^$%^%^$#^%&^%^% DID YOU DO?!!!!!! **_

Dauf: What do ya mean, Riful? I washed your clothes.

Riful: _**YOU RUINED MY FAVORITE DRESSES!!!! LOOK! THIS ONE IS FULL OF HOLES!!!! THIS ONE IS DIFFERENT COLORS AND THIS ONE IS THE SIZE OF MY LITTLE FINGER!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Dauf: …………….. Sorry?

Riful: _**…. WAIT, I GAVE YOU FOUR DRESSES!!!! WHERE'S THE OTHER ONE?!!!!! YOU LOST MY DRESS!!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Dauf leaves the room.

Riful: HAH HAH HAH……..I SO HAVE TO GET RID OF HIM!!!

_The next day_

Riful: So, you are here to interview for the position of assassin?

Yoma: Gurgle

Riful: ……….. Ok, I hate getting my hands dirty. That's why I'm looking for someone to help me with a little problem. What makes you think you are perfect for this job?

Yoma:…..I…….eat……people……..

Riful: Perfect! You're hired!!!

_Three days later_

Dauf is walking by a mountain while a hunched over shadow follows his progress from above. He stops and bends down to pick a flower. Unfortunately, his fingers are so big that he can't pick the flower. So he stands there stooped over the flower trying repeatedly to pick the flower without crushing it.

Brainless Assassin: Mehehehehe… This will get him.

The Brainless Assassin shoves a huge rock off the mountain and it falls on Dauf's head. The rock shatters upon its' impact with Dauf, but Dauf doesn't even notice. The Brainless Assassin starts shoving random rocks off the mountain only to get the same result.

Dauf: Huh? Is it raining? (Looks up to the sky)

Brainless Assassin: ARGH! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! THIS TIME I'LL REALLY WILL GET HIM!!! (He runs over to a huge boulder and shoves it off the mountain.) MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! THERE'S NO WAY HE CAN SURVIVE THAT!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dauf: ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S RAINING ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!

He shoots a bunch of rods at the falling boulder and succeeds in breaking it to pieces. However, he also succeeded in accidently killing the unfortunate assassin that Riful hired. Dauf returns to Riful.

Dauf: Riful!!

Riful: DAUF!!! WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!

Dauf: THE SKY!!! IT NO LONGER RAINS WATER!!!! IT RAINS ROCKS!!!!!

Riful:……. Time for plan B.

_The next day_

Riful: Dauf, could you please come here?

Dauf: What is it Riful?

Riful: Do you remember that lovely little girl that's staying with Isely?

Dauf: Ya mean the one you wanted to kill?

Riful: Yeah, that's the one. I believe her name is Pricilla. Well, could you give her this letter for me?

Dauf: Uh… Ok, what is it?

Riful: It's an invitation to my birthday party. Oh, by the way give it to her when she's all alone.

Dauf: Ok (Leaves)

Riful: Hahaha! This will get rid of him! The best part of this is that he can't read! Mwhahahaha!!!!

_One week later_

Dauf: (singing) _Da Dum Da Dum Flower! Da Dum Da Dum Tree! Da Dum Da Dum Fluffy Cloud! Da Dum Da Dum………………._EIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!! DANDILION FUZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! IT'S TOUCHING MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GET IT OFF!!!!!!!!!! GET IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs face first into a tree) OWIE!!! (Tree falls on his head) WAHHHH!!!!!!!! THE MEAN OLD TREE FELL ON ME!!!!!! OWIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks up and sees a girl. They both stare at each other for several hours until Dauf speaks.

Dauf: Duh…………….

Girl:…….

Dauf: Duh………….. Pricilla………….. Duh…………..

Pricilla:…………………

Dauf: Duh……. Here Pricilla (Hands her Riful's note)

Pricilla: …………………

Dauf: I think yar suppose to open it……. Yep, I definitely think letters are supposed to be opened……

Pricilla opens it and stares at the letter.

Pricilla: ……. What does it say? I can't read.

Dauf: Oh, I can't read either, but she told me that it was an invitation to her birthday party.

Pricilla: ………………………

_Two weeks later _

Riful: Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dauf is dead hehe! Dauf is dead hehe! (Dancing around her castle) He's been ripped into ity bity pieces and is never coming back!!! Mwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dauf walks in to see Riful dancing around the room and decides to join in. Unfortunately, because of his size and weight he falls through the floor leaving a huge hole as the only evidence that he was there. Riful turns around when she hears his fading scream.

Riful: Was that…..Nah, couldn't be. Pricilla has ripped him apart by now. It must be my imagination.

Dauf: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuulllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Riful:…….. Now I'm hearing things too.

Dauf: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Riful:………………It's not him. It can't be him. Pricilla…………………..

Dauf climbs out of the hole.

Dauf: Riful! I'm back!!! Hehe!!!

Riful: Why? I mean how? It's impossible! What went wrong? My plan was perfect!!! What happened?

Dauf: I gave Pricilla your letter, but she can't read so I told her about your birthday party and since she can't write she drew you a picture!

Riful takes her letter and opens it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear, lovely little girl Pricilla,

Dauf ate Isley. You are hereby granted permission to kill him.

Signed Riful, Your Bestest Friend Forever

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Riful reads her letter and sees a picture drawn at the bottom. She looks and sees it's a picture of Pricilla with her hands around something and a blob to the side. At closer inspection she realizes that the thing is her neck and the blob is her disembodied head. She loses all color in her face momentarily before she makes a vow to never ever _ever _give Pricilla a reason to pay her a visit.

_The next day_

Riful: Ok, this has to work. I've planned it out perfectly! There is no way this could fail! Dauf!

Dauf: Yes, Riful?

Riful: I want you to give this letter to Isely.

Dauf: Awwwwwww!!!! I don't wanna!!! Ya know we hate each other!!!

Riful: I know… I mean, I don't care. Just make sure you give it to him!

Dauf stomps out muttering about a certain big headed former number one.

Riful: Good bye Dauf, my faithful, bumbling, brainless…Ah, what am I saying. PARTY TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

_The next week_

Dauf: Why'd she make me come all the way out here to give a stupid letter to stupid Isley! I thought she didn't like him! Stupid, stupid, stupid…..

Isley: Hey, what are you doing here, Idiot cry baby?

Dauf: Idiot cry baby?! Ya stupid big headed….. big headed…. Argh!!!!!

Isley: "Easy come easy go", so they say. It seems that you're still incapable of keeping thoughts for longer that one second.

Dauf: I hate ya!

Isley: I hate you more, moron! Again, what do you want?!

Dauf: Riful wanted me to give ya a letter.

Isley: Why?

Dauf: How am I supposed to know? Here take your stupid letter.

Isley takes it and opens it.

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Dear, Isley my royal subject whom I have forgiven,

I know that things were strained in the past, but I hold no grudges against you. I am an understanding person and I forgive you. Now, since I am such a kind and loving ruler to let someone like you live in my glorious lands due to my pure and generous heart, I think it would be a good time to call upon you. I'm just going to ask you a tinsy winsy ity bity favor that you'll absolutely love to fulfill. Could you help me with my moron problem and kill Dauf for me. I would be the most appreciative monarch in all of history! I'll even let you be over see the Southern lands for me! Thanks a bunch!

Riful the Most Magnificent Empress of all the Lands

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Isley:…………………………..

Dauf: What's wrong with ya?

Isley: Nothing. Uh, Dauf she asked for a response could you wait for me to write one before you go?

Dauf: Fine…..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_One week later_

Riful: PARTY TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah, I am such a genius for sending him to Isley. They hate each other there's no way Dauf's stupidity wouldn't annoy Isley enough to pop his empty head off. Not to mention my heartfelt letter to him asking him to dispose of Dauf for me. Now, all I have to do is find a new minion to serve me. Maybe one that's not as stupid, but still subservient to do all I ask.

Dauf walks in and sees the party.

Dauf: Oh, Riful! (Riful goes pale) You're giving me a welcome home party! Ya _do_ love me!!!

Riful: B-but, but, but, but, but, but…… WHY?!!! MY PLAN WAS FLAWLESS!!! HOW DID HE MANAGE TO MESS IT UP!!!

Dauf: Oh, Isley wrote you a note too.

Riful snatches it away and rips it open.

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Dear, Riful The Delusional Little Girl

I am not your servant boy and I will not kill Dauf for you. If you want to get rid of Dauf so badly do it yourself.

Isley, Master of the Universe

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Riful's eye started twitching and a black cloud of doom had started to form around her head. She grabs a pen and starts to furiously write a response.

Riful: (Grabs a random yoma) You! Give this to Isley! (The terrified yoma runs out) I'm starting to get desperate now. I guess I'll have to resort to that.

_Two days later_

Isley: What do you want?

Yoma Currier: Gurgle…. Letter for you.

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Dear, Isley The Pathetic Old Man with a Crush on a Little Girl

I hope something eats you.

Riful The Bestest and Coolest Abysal One Ever

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Isley: Eaten? Yeah right………………. Hey, what's that?

He looks over into the woods and sees eleven figures moving slowly towards him. When they get closer he sees that they are women and they all have their eyes and mouths sewn shut and all of them were drooling.

Isley: ……….Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww………………………………………………………

_Meanwhile_

Erimita: Rimuto, you have a letter.

Rimuto: Really? Give it here.

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Dear, Rimuto Head Nasty Man who Sits

Hello all, I hope business is going well. Since it's been a really long time since we've talked, I thought I would break the silence. Well, now that I've become the Queen of the Abyssal Ones I would like to reach out to all the little people who reside in my kingdom. Down to business, I would like to put in a request to kill a certain awakened named Dauf. Really, I see this as a win win situation. You get rid of a former number 3 who has hurt and killed several of your soldiers, and I get my moron problem solved. I shall be awaiting your best soldiers.

Riful, Empress of Everything that Exists, Most Magnificent Empress of all the Lands, Queen of the Abyssal Ones, The Bestest and Coolest Abysal One Ever, and Your Bestest Friend Forever

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_Two Weeks Later_

Dauf: Riful, ya got mail.

Riful: Yea!!! Give it here!!!

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Dear, Riful The Biggest Pain in all History

First thing, you are an awakened one, you can't put in requests. Secondly, Dauf works for you. Any soldiers he killed, maimed, hurt etc. happened because you told him to. Although, we are willing to overlook that point because we really don't care about our soldiers and we can always make more. Thirdly, you delusional little monster, you are not Queen, Empress, or ruler of the island. We are not your subjects and do not answer to you. Lastly, you have never been or ever will be my besttest friend. Oh, and never talk to me ever again.

Rimuto, Mad Scientist Extraordinaire

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Riful: I always hated that man. Now, what am I going to do? No one will get rid of him for me. I'm stuck with Dauf forever! I wish I didn't stop twisty arm girl from killing him that one time. (Sigh) I guess I'll just have to hope something happens to him and _this_ time I won't save him.


	29. The Benefits of Two Swords

The Benefits of Two Swords

Clare: Hey Deneve, why do you use two swords? I mean, I understand that one was Undine's sword so you have it because she's dead, but I fail to see the benefit of having two instead of one.

Deneve: What are you babbling about?

Clare: Nothing, I was just thinking (Yuma: Oh no!) about how you have two swords and all the rest of us have one and I fail to see how that gives you an advantage.

Deneve: Well, having two swords means that I have one more weapon than the rest of you.

Clare: Yeah, so what?

Deneve: Well, I can chop yoma into more pieces on the first strike because I have two swords.

Tabitha: …… But Clare can do that as well when she uses the Wind Cutter.

Cynthia: Yeah, that's right.

Deneve: So, I can still chop more than the rest of you.

Yuma: Doesn't having two swords mean that you have a higher chance of accidently hitting yourself or someone else?

Deneve: No, that's just you.

Yuma: …………………………

Clare: You know having two swords means that you have extra weight to carry.

Deneve: So, there is something that I can do that you guys can't.

Clare: Oh yeah, what's that?

Deneve: I can defend from two sides at once.

Cynthia: Ok, we'll give you that, but that's not a really big benefit.

Helen appears out of nowhere and jumps down towards Deneve.

Helen: GOT YOU NOW!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Wham! Wham!) Helen gets hit simultaneously with two claymores on both sides of her head knocking her out.

Cynthia: …………………….

Tabitha: …………………….

Yuma: ……………………….

Deneve: Now, where were we……

Clare: Having two swords is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deneve: Glad you agree now. (Smug smile appears on her face)

Yuma: I'm scared

Clare is eying Helen's claymore, after all she won't need it as long as she unconscious right?

Tabitha: Me too…..

Cynthia: I think we need to run screaming and crying to Miria now…..

Clare: (Picks up Helen's Claymore) Hmmmm…………. I wonder what would happen if I tried to use the Wind Cutter with two swords instead of one……………………

Cynthia, Tabitha, Yuma: _**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Deneve: Ah! It's so nice to be recognized. Now, with Clare about to get into serious trouble again, Miria will ignore the fact that I just gave Helen a serious concussion._ I_ _am such a genius!_

As predicted, Clare got into serious trouble once the screaming and crying Cynthia, Tabitha, and Yuma reached Miria. The moment Miria caught sight of Clare running towards them attempting to do the Wind Cutter with two claymores and an insane smile on her face, Miria immediately started yelling.

Miria: CLARE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING AND WHERE DID YOU GET THAT EXTRA CLAYMORE?! WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S HELEN'S CLAYMORE! WHY DO YOU HAVE HELEN'S CLAYMORE?!

Clare: I took it from her. You see, if she's unconscious she doesn't really need it now, right? (Smack!) OWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deneve was right in the end. The fact that she gave Helen a serious concussion was overlooked in light of Clare getting into serious trouble for stealing Helen's claymore and scaring Cynthia, Tabitha, and Yuma.


	30. Deneve’s Cure for Ear Ringing

Deneve's Cure for Ear Ringing

Helen: Hey Deneve, my ears have been ringing for an entire week! Actually, the ringing started after that day that I can't remember.

Deneve: (_That_ _massive concussion I gave her must have caused some memory loss of that day_. _Lucky for me, otherwise I could have gotten in trouble with Miria if she blabbed_.) Oh really? It still hasn't gotten better?

Helen: No, well I mean at least I'm not seeing double of everything and I'm not experiencing the mystery headache anymore, but my ears are still ringing. I just wish I knew why. It's such a pain that I can't remember anything that happened that day and the others aren't any help. It seems that Clare, Cynthia, Tabitha, and Yuma want to block that day from their memories and Miria is still mad at Clare so I don't wanna implicate myself for something that I could've possible done but can't remember. Are you sure that you don't know what happened?

Deneve: Uh, nope. I just happened to be walking along and just happened to find you and just happened to be there when you woke up. (_Lucky for me that Miria assumed that Clare knocked Helen out so that she could use her claymore_.)

Helen: Ok. Maybe I should ask Miria how to get rid of the ringing.

Deneve:……. You know I could help you with that.

Helen: You know how to get rid of the ringing?

Deneve: Yep.

Helen: Cool!

Deneve: Ok, close your eyes.

Helen: Ok, they're closed.

Deneve: Ok. Now, no peeking.

Deneve moves behind Helen and takes out a claymore and whacks her head.

Helen: Ouf! (Thud!)

_Several hours later_

Helen: Ugh…. Ow ow ow…. My head! What happened? Deneve? Why are there three of you?

Deneve: (_Oops, maybe I hit her a little too hard…. Oh, well Helen is pretty durable she should be ok._) Are you ok?! Why are you on the ground?!

Helen: Ugh……. I don't know……. What day is it?

Deneve: It's Tuesday.

Helen: What?! I thought today was Monday! You mean I lost another day?! Owwwwww….. Shouting bad…….. (Tries to get up and falls) Moving bad……… It feels like I've been hit by something _really_ heavy.

Deneve: Ahahaha…. But Helen, we're in the middle of nowhere how could that possibly happen?

Helen: I guess you're right. I wonder what happened though……

Deneve: You shouldn't think too hard. You'll make your head hurt.

Helen: Oh yeah, I was wondering why my head was starting to hurt worse. Ok, then that means that thinking is bad as well. (She tries to get up again and succeeds in keeping upright) My ears are ringing worse than ever….

_Back at the cave_

Cynthia: I wonder what happened to Deneve and Helen……

Tabitha: Who cares, at least we don't have to listen to Helen whine about how her ears are ringing.

Clare: That's right.

Helen: I'm baaaaaaack. Ooooooo….. Still a bit woosy. Well, at least I'm only seeing double now. Haha! Owwwwwwww……………

Clare: Uh, Deneve what's wrong with Helen?

Deneve: Uh, nothing.

They both look over to where Helen is talking to the empty space to the right of Cynthia. Clare looks at Deneve.

Deneve: Well, I could tell you the truth, but you'll end up lying to Miria and I don't think that you want to do that.

Clare: Why would I have to lie to Miria? I could tell the truth and only you would get in trouble.

Deneve: Then I'll tell her how you _really_ messed up the water. (Clare goes pale) That's what I thought. Have a good night Clare.

_Two Days Later_

Helen: Whew! I've finally stopped seeing double! Isn't that great?!

Clare: Uh huh… Great.

Deneve: I'm happy for you Helen. Aren't you happy for Helen, _Clare_? (Menacing tone)

Clare: Uh, yep super happy! Never been happier in my life! I'm soooo….

Deneve: You're over doing it.

Clare: Ok, stopping.

Helen: You know the only thing I'm not happy about is that my ears are ringing worse than ever.

Deneve: You know…. I know how to take care of that.

Helen: Really?! Wow! Could you help?!

Deneve: Sure! Now close your eyes (Helen: Ok, eyes closed.) and no peaking. (Helen: Awe… How'd you know I was peaking?!) OK , are you ready?

Helen: Yep! _Wham!!!!_ Ouf! _Thud!_

Clare: Deneve! What did you do?! Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh crap! We are soooo gonna get it! Wait… I'm not here! Yeah, that's right! I'm not here! I was never here! If I wasn't here then I never saw anything and I don't know anything. I can't get into trouble for something that I don't know! (She runs away with her eyes shut and her hands over her ears and runs straight into a rock wall.) _Smack!!!! _ _Thud!!!!!!_

Deneve: _Sigh_ You know….. You really shouldn't run with your eyes closed. I guess this means I have to take care of Clare as well.

Clare: Ugh…. My head….(Looks over and sees Helen on the ground and Deneve standing in between herself and Helen) Deneve! You hit Helen! Why?!

Deneve: Well…. Sometimes it can help with ear ringing.

Clare: In what messed up world do you live in where it would cure ear ringing to smash someone's head in?!

Deneve: Ok… It's just more fun for me ok?

Clare: Why? What could Helen have possibly done to you to have deserved…..(Deneve looks at Clare)

_Deneve Cartoon Thought Bubble_

A badly drawn cartoon version of Helen is sneaking around the organization with an equally badly drawn Deneve reluctantly following.

Helen: (Whispering) Come on, keep up!

Deneve: (Whispering) Helen! Where are we going?!

Helen: It's a surprise, come on or else we'll get caught!

Deneve: We shouldn't be doing this! We're going to get into _soooooo_ much trouble!

A badly drawn cartoon version of Erimita appears.

Helen: Oops……

Erimita: What are you two doing here and why are you not in the designated training area?

Deneve: We are _sooo_ dead

Helen: Uh..Ummm….. Deneve was feeling sad and wanted a hug….

Deneve: (Looking horrified) A HUG?!!!!

Helen: Oh, don't be shy go on and get your hug. (Shoves Deneve towards Erimita)

Erimita: You wanted a hug? Oh, all right. Come here then.

Deneve shoots a death glare and vows to get Helen back some day for this and moves towards Erimita and gets her hug……………

_Outside of the_ _Deneve Cartoon Thought Bubble_

Clare: Ummm…… Ok, I can see how that was probably mildly traumatic, but is that any reason to cause her brain damage?

Deneve: _MIDLEY TRAUMATIC?!__** MIDLEY TRAUMATIC?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HUG ERIMITA?!**_

Clare: Well, no…

Deneve: _**HE'S ALL ROBES AND CLOTH!!!! THE ONLY PART OF HIM THAT YOU CAN SEE IS HIS EYES AND THEY ARE CREEPY AND EVIL LOOKING!!!!!!!! IT WAS LIKE HUGGING A CORSPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clare: I hugged a severed head for several days……

Deneve: …………………………………………………………………

Clare: You know some villagers gave me that same look as I walked past them.

Deneve: I wonder why.

Helen: Ugh…. My head……Agh!!!!!!!!!!!! Clare there are four of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Owwwwwwww…… I shouldn't have yelled.

_Back to the Cave_

Miria: Those three have been gone a really long time. I hope they aren't getting into trouble.

Cynthia: Oh, don't worry it's just Deneve, Clare and Helen. (Miria looks at Cynthia) Ok, well Helen and Clare aren't that bad they wouldn't……….. Deneve is with them! Maybe it won't be bad?

Tabitha: Haha! Yeah right!

Yuma: Well, Clare wouldn't dare do anything bad this soon after she's gotten into trouble, and Helen is still having ear ringing problems so she probably can't think of anything bad to do and Deneve never does anything stupid.

Miria: You're right Yuma. I'm worrying for nothing. I was just sensing someone doing something stupid again. I must be getting paranoid. Haha!

Helen staggers into the cave.

Helen: Miria! Oww….. Ooooooo… 'm a bit woozy again. Oh well, at least it's a wonderful Wednesday evening…

Cynthia: It's Thurdsay.

Helen: What?! You mean that I messed up my days again?! Owww…. Oh hey Miria, I'm glad to see that all four of you are back safe and sound.

Deneve: Maybe I hit her one too many times…….Oh well, her brain may heal in time…..

Miria: Helen? Helen?!

Helen: Huh? YOUR GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK A LITTLE LOUDER MIRIA!!! MY EARS ARE RINGING PRETTY BAD AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miria: HELEN! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!! DID ANYTHING HAPPEN WHILE YOU GUYS WERE OUT?!!!

Helen: OH, WOW! I'D LOVE TO EAT OUT, BUT MIRIA YOU KNOW THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE HERE IN THE NORTH!!!! THERE'S NOBODY HERE BUT US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miria: Clare and Deneve? What happened?

Clare: I ran into a rock wall! I didn't see anything!!! I don't know anything!!!

Miria: Ok, why did you run into a rock wall?

Clare: I ran into a rock wall!

Miria: Yeah, I got that part. Why?

Deneve: She thought that it would be a good idea to run around with her eyes closed.

Miria: Ummm… Ok, but that doesn't explain why Helen is acting weird. You know she has been a bit off for the past week. Do you know why?

Deneve: …….. I don't really know the exact reason why she's been acting like this.

Miria: Ok (_I'll just keep an eye on Helen just in case_.)

_The next week_

Helen: Wow Deneve! I'm feeling a lot better now. My head's not hurting anymore and I'm only seeing one of everyone and I don't feel like I'm confused all the time!

Deneve: That's great Helen! (_It's a good thing she started to get better. I was starting to worry I may have given her serious brain damage._)

Helen: You know the only complaint is that my ears are still ringing. Oh well….

Deneve: That's too bad. (_I really want to hit her again, but I'm afraid that I may cause permanent damage this time._)

Helen: Hey Deneve, do you remember that time when we were kids and we were sneaking around the organization when we were supposed to be training?

Deneve: Yeah….

Helen: And we got caught by Erimita and then I told him you were sad and wanted a hug so that we wouldn't get into trouble?

Deneve: ………………

Helen: Ahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! You had this haunted look on your face like you had been severely traumatized for a whole month!!!! Ahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! That was _soooooooooo_ funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deneve: …………. You know………… Helen, I know how to stop your ears from ringing.

Helen: Oh really?! Cool!

Deneve: Close your eyes now….

_Whack! Thud!_

Deneve: Wow! She kinda flew that time!!!!

Miria: DENEVE!!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!!!!!!!

Deneve: Would you believe curing ear ringing?

Miria: _**NO I WOULD NOT BELIEVE THAT YOU'VE BEEN CURING EAR RINGINIG!!!!!!!**_ _**DO YOU MEAN THAT YOU'VE BEEN REPEATEDLY HITTING HELEN WITH YOUR CLAYMORE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Deneve: Uh…. Well, she said that her ears were ringing. So I helped…

Miria: _**YOU HELPED BY WHACKING HER UPSIDE HER HEAD WITH YOUR CLAYMORE?!!!!!!! HOW CAN THAT POSSIBLY STOP EAR RINGING?!!!! IT JUST MAKES IT WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Deneve: Well, it did stop when she was rendered unconscious.

Miria: _**WHAT COULD HELEN HAVE POSSIBLY DONE TO DESERVE BRAIN DAMAGE?!!!!!!!!!**_

Deneve: When we were kids she got us into trouble. To avoid serious punishment when it was clearly her fault!!! SHE MADE ME HUG ERIMITA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miria: Oh…….. Ok, I can understand how horrifying that was to you, but that doesn't mean that you can beat her senseless!

Deneve: OH, YES IT DOES!!! I SWORE THAT DAY THAT I WOULD GET MY REVENGE AND I DID!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! THE IDEA HIT ME LAST WEEK WHEN SHE JUMPED OUT AT ME AND I SMACKED HER TWICE!!!!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEN YOU THOUGHT CLARE DID IT AND I WAS OFF THE HOOK AND THEN THAT'S WHEN I THOUGHT THAT IF HELEN COULDN'T REMEMBER IT HAPPENING I COULD WHACK HER ALL I WANTED!!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miria: _**DO YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT YOU'RE THE ONE THAT GAVE HELEN THAT SERIOUS CONCUSSION AND THAT I PUNISHED CLARE FOR KNOCKING HER OUT AND STEALING HER CLAYMORE WHEN SHE DIDN'T?**_

Deneve: Well, not really. Clare really did steal Helen's claymore and scared Cynthia, Tabitha, and Yuma, only it was I who knocked Helen out.

Miria: ……………_** AND THEN YOU PRETENEDED THAT CLARE DID IT?!!!!!**_

Deneve: Well, it didn't seem to make sense for two of us to get into trouble did it? (Smack!) Owww!!!!

Miria: _**OH, YOU ARE IN SOOOOOOOO MUCH TROUBLE NOW!!!!!!!!!! NOT ONLY FOR LETTING CLARE TAKE THE BLAME FOR SOMETHING YOU DID, BUT ALSO FOR REPEATEDLY WHACKING HELEN!!!!!!!! **_

Deneve: Your yelling is making my ears ring!

Miria: _**OH REALLY?! I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR YOU!!!!**_

Deneve: (Looking panicked) Uh…No! That's ok! _Whack! _OWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miria: _**OH MY! IT LOOKS LIKE I DIDN'T DO IT RIGHT!!! LET ME TRY IT AGAIN!!!!!!!! **__Twack!!! _(_Deneve: _**OWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)**_** OOPS!!! I MESSED UP AGAIN!!!!!**_

Helen wakes up to Miria's yelling and Deneve's cries of pain. When she is able to focus properly she sees Deneve running away from a very angry Miria occasionally getting hit in the head by Miria's claymore. Deneve was in serious trouble she was told that she had to take care of Helen and aid her in her rehabilitation, and because Clare was blamed for something that she did, Deneve was told that she had to babysit Clare on all her searches for Raki for the next three months.


	31. The Adventures of Tubby

The Adventures of Tubby

A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a while I've been really busy the past few weeks. I'm going to be really busy for the next couple of months as well so instead of updating every week like I have been, I'm probably going to be updating every other week.

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Life is hard for awakened ones. It's not all eating and sleeping and getting rid of the occasional hunter that might be sent for you. Yep, life is definitely not easy being awakened ones especially if you used to be number 47 before you awakened. Trust me I know. I used to be number 47 and I'm still the weakest one out there. I accidently awakened on my way to a super cool mission. Okay, so it wasn't actually super cool. I was supposed to deliver someone's clothes because Orsay was too lazy to do it himself. Anyway, on my way I slipped and started tumbling down the mountain side. Unfortunately, I was never really good at controlling my Yoki and as I was tumbling I accidently crossed my limit. Suffice it to say, Isley never got his new clothes. I don't think anyone ever missed me either. That really hurt, knowing that no one would ever miss me, Tubby! Yes, my name is Tubby. Hey! Stop laughing! It's not funny! If you don't stop laughing I'll… I'll… I'll eat you! OK, I won't eat you. I hate the sight of blood. Ummm….. I know I'll throw you really really far! Oh, wait… I'm super weak and probably will hurt myself if I did that. If you don't stop laughing I'll cry!

I really am a failure as an awakened. I'm afraid of blood and I can't even eat people. I'm so weak that normal yoma are stronger than me and they pick on me all the time. I live mostly on plants. Sometimes when I get really desperate I can eat an animal as long as I keep my eyes closed the whole time and immediately jump into a lake or something to wash off the blood. I've tried this method with humans, but there's something about eating people that makes me lose my nerve. That and they usually beat me up. Maybe today is the day that I'll finally eat a real human!

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Chubby the Yoma: (Singing) _Rip and slash and eat and stomp and tear……….._ Hey! Look it's Tubby!!!!

Rose Bud the Yoma: Oooooo Tubby! Mwahahahaha! It's been forever since we've picked on him!

Sparkles the Yoma: I know! It's been two days since we've picked on him!

Chubby the Yoma: I've been going into withdrawal! Hehe! This is going to be fun!!!!!!!!!

_Some distance away_

Tubby: Today is the day! Today is the day that I'll finally eat a real live human!!! Hmmm….. Where do I find a real live human?

Unsuspecting Human: (Singing) _La la la I'm a human… La la la A real live human…._

Tubby: …. Is that a human? It is! It is a human! A real live human! Oh boy! Oh boy! Now, I'll finally eat a real live human!!!

_Some ways back_

Chubby the Yoma: Well, isn't that convenient.

Rose Bud the Yoma: Hmmm…. Well, let's watch his technique.

_Back to Tubby and the Unsuspecting Human_

Unsuspecting Human who shall be known from now on as Twinkling Chicken Bucket: Oh my, I'm conveniently all alone. I hope nothing jumps out and attempts to attack me.

Tubby: Rarr!!! (Jumps through the air hits a tree) Ouch! _Thud!_

The three yoma watching Tubby hang their heads in shame at the sight of Tubby laying sprawled out on the ground.

Twinkling Chicken Bucket: Wow! That was……..pathetic.

Tubby: I shouldn't have closed my eyes before I jumped. Anyway, (Gets to his feet) weakling human! You will be my prey!!!

Twinkling Chicken Bucket looks at Tubby for a minute and decides that his appearance of a giant white fluffy rabbit wasn't that intimidating at all.

Twinkling Chicken Bucket: You're kidding right? You're not really scary at all you know. If you're going to be a monster then you need to look more terrifying.

Tubby: S-shut up! (Tearing up)

Twinkling Chicken Bucket: Are you serious?! You're crying because I said you weren't scary?!

Tubby: L-leave me alone! _Snif_

Twinkling Chicken Bucket: Look, it's not my fault you're not frightening. You're a giant white fluffy rabbit. I mean, you look like some cutesy children's mascot. If you leave now, I won't beat you up, ok?

Tubby: No! I'm going to eat you!

Tubby lunges for Twinkling Chicken Bucket and misses. Twinkling Chicken Bucket sighs and punches Tubby in the stomach and he doubles over. Tubby remains doubled over gasping for air.

Twinkling Chicken Bucket: Look, I really don't want to hurt someone as pathetic as you, ok? Just walk away.

Tubby tries to stand as straight as he can and lunges for Twinkling Chicken Bucket again. Twinkling Chicken Bucket was too fast for poor Tubby and proceeds to beat Tubby senseless. Chubby, Rose Bud, and Sparkles the Yomas, who have been observing this whole incident, hang their heads in shame.

Chubby the Yoma: This is embarrassing!

Rose Bud the Yoma: Agreed, he's shamming yoma and awakened ones everywhere.

Sparkles the Yoma: You know I'm starting to feel bad for Tubby. I think we should save him before he gets beaten to death.

Chubby the Yoma: _Sigh_ Yeah you're right. Let's go.

Chubby, Rose Bud, and Sparkles jump out and pull Tubby to safety.

Chubby the Yoma: Hey, Tubby you've looked better.

Tubby: ………….

Rose Bud the Yoma: You really are pathetic getting beaten up by some weak human.

Sparkles the Yoma: Yeah, you're shaming yoma and awakened everywhere!

Chubby the Yoma: Don't worry Tubby. We'll show you how it's really done.

Twinkling Chicken Bucket: See! They at least look frightening! That's what a monster should look like!

Sparkles the Yoma: Ok, Tubby watch closely now.

Twinkling Chicken Bucket: See! That's what you're missing, frightening fangs and………..

Unfortunately Twinkling Chicken Bucket wasn't able to say anymore, because at that moment Twinkling Chicken Bucket was tackled to the ground by Chubby, Rose Bud and Sparkles. The three helpful and energetic yoma start feasting on Twinkling Chicken Bucket's twitching body.

Chubby the Yoma: (Blood dripping down face) Come on Tubby! Join in on the fun!!! Hahaha!

Tubby: …..B-B-B-BLOOD!!!! (faints)

Suddenly and for no reason what so ever, a claymore jumps out of nowhere behind the three feasting yoma.

Sparkles the Yoma: _(Squish Squish) _Who are you? _(Squish Squish Chomp Crack)_

Nameless Claymore: My name is Snowflake The Skipping Slasher, I am here to stop your evil yoma antics.

Chubby the Yoma: Snowflake?

Rose Bud the Yoma: The Skipping Slasher?

Snowflake: Yes, my name is Snowflake and the nickname I am known by is The Skipping Slasher.

Sparkles the Yoma: Why do they call you The Skipping Slasher?

Snowflake: Well, that's easy. You see, while I kill yoma I skip around them slashing them to bits.

Sparkles the Yoma: Oh……..

Sometime during this conversation Tubby regains consciousness and sees Snowflake standing before Chubby, Rose Bud, and Sparkles.

Snowflake: Ok, well I guess it's time to get started then. Here I go, Snowflake The Skipping Slasher is getting ready to slash.

Snowflake draws her claymore and starts to skip towards Chubby, Rose Bud, and Sparkles who stand up and prepare to attack. Sparkles brings his arm down in an attempt to slash her in half cutting only air. Snowflake skips away from his arm and slices it off. Sparkles screams in pain and Rose Bud lunges for Snowflake who skips out of his range. Now completely enraged, Sparkles, Chubby, and Rose Bud all attempt to attack her at once. Snowflake evades their attacks and skips around them slashing them to pieces. Tubby watches the whole scene in frozen shock. When it becomes apparent that they are indeed dead, he notices a little tiny drop of blood on his furry foot.

Tubby: _**B-B-B-B-BLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Tubby passes out and Snowflake looks at him for several moments before shaking her head and moving towards him. Once she reaches him she grabs his foot and drags him away towards the river that is conveniently located next to them. She throws him in and he wakes up.

Tubby: **C-C-C-COLD!!!!!** (Jumps out of the water)

Snowflake: ………………………

Tubby: Uh, why didn't you kill me?

Snowflake: Well, you didn't really try to kill me and you weren't eating that human. Actually, now that I think about it you were unconscious…….

Tubby: Yeah, well……Who are you?

Snowflake: I am Snowflake The Skipping Slasher.

Tubby: Oh, so are you going to kill me?

Snowflake: No. When you noticed that tiny drop of blood you screamed "Blood!" and then passed out. You're afraid of blood aren't you?

Tubby: Yeah.

Snowflake: You've never eaten a human before have you?

Tubby: No, this is as close as I've gotten to eating a human. I've eaten animals before, but I have to close my eyes and be near a river or lake.

Snowflake: …………Well, you're actually too pathetic to kill so off you go.

Snowflake skips away leaving Tubby all alone and depressed.

Tubby: _Sigh_ Maybe I'll go North………………………………….


	32. The Battle of Patheticness

The Battle of Patheticness

It had been several weeks since Tubby's encounter with Chubby, Rose Bud, Sparkles the yomas, Twinkling Chicken Bucket (the unfortunate human), and Snowflake the Skipping Slasher. He had decided to leave the south for warmer weather; well sorta, he decided to go north. So it wasn't really warmer, but in a figurative sense it was. During his travels he had already braved the unknown when a scary looking kitty walked up to him, he ran screaming and crying. He had already shown his courage in a dangerous situation when several children between the ages of 2-4 came running up to him and proceeded to use him as a living jungle gym, he cried the whole time. He had shown his resourcefulness in a hopeless situation when the scary lightning and thunder started, he was so scared he fainted. Yes, Tubby had had many adventures that maybe someday someone would hear of and sing songs about them. So, it wasn't any surprise when he found himself in a new predicament that he responded with amazing bravery and resourcefulness.

Part 1 Battle of Tears

Tubby: Hmmm…. I wonder if I'll know when I reach the North….  
He hears a lot of banging and crashing and freezes in fear. Clarice comes flying out of a tree and falls to the ground covered in tree branches and leaves. Clarice: Owie….  
She stands up and looks around. Tubby stands rooted to the spot in fear. Clarice finally notices Tubby and the two of them stare at each other for a long time. Tubby: _**C-C-C-C-CLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_ Clarice: _**YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...**_....................................................................................I think…………….. Hey! Are you a yoma?

Tubby: NO!!! I'M AN AWAKENED ONE!!!!

Clarice: Isn't that…………… you know, the same thing?

Tubby: NO! It isn't the same thing. There's an important difference!!!

Clarice: Oh yeah? What is it?

Tubby: Well…. I used to be a brave solider like you!!!

Clarice: Well, besides that little detail there's really not that much difference.

Tubby: There a whole lot of other things!!!

Clarice: Oh, really? Then what are they?

Tubby: Ummm…. We…. And then there is…… Hey! You're part of the organization! You're supposed to know this! You tell me!!!

Clarice: Well…. I asked you first!!!

Tubby: That's not fair!!!

Clarice: Well, life not fair! So there!!! (Sticks out tongue)

Tubby: Why are you so mean? (Tears up)

Clarice: I am not! I was just asking what you were! Besides how can you be an awakened one?! They're supposed to be all big, ugly and scary looking, but you're cute, fuzzy, and not at all scary!!!

Tubby: Oh yeah!!! (crying) Well, are you sure that you're really a solider from the organization!!! They don't have any color in their hair and your hair is brown!!!!! (Shrieking)

Clarice: WHY ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MY HAIR?!!!! (Crying)

Tubby: YOU MADE FUN OF ME FIRST!!! YOU SAID I WAS CUTE AND NOT SCARY!!!!! (Sobbing)

Clarice: **I WASN'T MAKING FUN OF YOU!!! I JUST SAID YOU WERE CUTE!!!!! **(Sobbing now too)

Tubby: **YOU SAID IT AGAIN!!!! **(Sobbing so hard that he's near hyperventilation) **YOU'RE SOOO MEAN!!!**

Clarice: _**I'M NOT THE MEAN ONE!!! YOU ARE!!! YOU MADE FUN OF MY HAIR!!!! I CAN'T HELP IT IF MY HAIR DIDN'T CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_(Hyperventilating and sobbing at the same time)

Tubby: _**SO WHAT!!!!! YOU SAID I WAS CUTE!!!!!!**_ (Has joined in on the hyperventilation contest too)

Clarice:_** I WASN'T MAKING FUN OF YOU!!! I LIKE THAT YOU'RE CUTE!!!! **_(Crying so loudly that the windows in a nearby town have started to crack)

Tubby: _**I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!! **_(His cries add to the cracks in the windows)

Clarice: _**IT'S TRUE!!! IT'S BETTER THAN SEEING SOME BIG UGLY MUTATED THING THAT MAKES YOU SICK TO LOOK AT!!!!!!!**_

Tubby: _**REALLY?!!! **__Sniff Sniff Sob Sob_

Clarice: _Sob_ _**REALLY!!!**_

Tubby: _**I'M SORRY FOR MAKING FUN OF YOUR HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clarice: _**I'M SORRY IF I HURT YOUR FEELINGS WHEN I SAID YOU WERE CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Tubby/ Clarice: _**WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Their combined shrieks and cries finally cause the cracked windows in the nearby town to shatter. They continue to sob in each other's arms for many hours before they are able to stop.

Part 2 Battle of Cowardice

When they're finally able to stop sobbing, it takes nearly an hour for them to catch their breath.

Tubby: What's your name?

Clarice: Clarice. What's yours?

Tubby: Tubby. What's your number?

Clarice: Forty seven.

Tubby: Really?! I was forty seven too!!!

Clarice: Really?! That's cool! I've never met someone who was forty seven as well!!!

Tubby: Me neither!!! I wonder why that is?

Clarice: I don't know…..

_Claymore Vision _

Badly drawn cartoon versions of former number forty sevens start flashing through the claymore portal of pathetic deaths suffered by former number forty sevens.

Former Forty Seven 1: Stop there yo….

The yoma takes a step forward and accidently steps on the poor forty seven. The brainless yoma never saw or heard the now deceased forty seven that was sent to kill him…………………………………….

Super Cool Claymore: Everyone move!!!! _Super Tornado of Death!!!!_

She creates a tornado that attacks the yoma ripping it to shreads and uproots a particularly large house. The tornado vanishes and everyone comes out of hiding

Team: Yay!!!!!

Former Forty Seven 2: Wo….

With the tornado gone the uprooted house comes crashing to the ground. Unfortunately, former forty seven was standing directly underneath it and gets squashed………………………………………………

Former Forty Seven 3: My very first mission!!!! I wonder what the yoma looks like?

A yoma jumps out in front of him.

Former Forty Seven 3: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Former Forty Seven runs away screaming and crying and runs into a tree. The tree sways into the boulder on the hill side causing it to fall. It rolls onto the yoma's foot causing him to spray spikes out of his mouth hitting Former Forty Seven killing him instantly…………………………………………………….

The claymore portal of pathetic deaths suffered by former number forty sevens fade away.

Clarice/ Tubby: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm………………………………………………………………………….

Tubby: I guess it's a mystery we'll never solve.

Suddenly, they hear a loud crack over their heads. The mystery of the former forty sevens is driven out of their minds as they cower in terror.

Tubby: I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clarice: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They start running in circles screaming until they run into each other and fall down. There is a loud crash and the earth shakes.

Tubby: **EARTH QUAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Clarice: **AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT'S THAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Tubby: (Looks to where Clarice is pointing) _**IT'S A MONSTER FROM THE ABYSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clarice:_** WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S AN ABYSSAL ONE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Tubby: _**NO! IT'S WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S A MONSTER FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clarice: _**OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DOES IT DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Tubby: _**IT-IT-IT DOES HORRIBLE THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clarice: _**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

The two of them jump up and run in circles again and they both trip over the same fallen tree at the same time. Clarice stares at it for some time ignoring Tubby's sobbing.

Clarice: Hey, Tubby. I don't think this is the monster from the depths of the earth. I think it's just a fallen tree.

Tubby: Oh………..

Apparently their cries had weakened a tree and it snapped in half causing the loud crack they heard. The loud thud that they thought was an earth quake was caused when the tree finally fell crashing down to the ground. Clarice and Tubby stare at the tree for several minutes extremely happy that it wasn't the monster from the depths of the earth. They are so absorbed in their happiness that they don't notice a figure approaching them.

Grizzly Man: Hey, what are you two doing?!!!

Tubby: _**AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! IT'S THE REAL MONSTER FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clarice: _**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clarice and Tubby run away screaming and crying.

Grizzly Man: What……..was that?

Part 3 Battle of the Klutzes

They run for some time and only stop when they can't breathe.

Tubby: Hah-Hah-Hah …I-I think we lost him…

Clarice: Y-yeah….

Tubby: That was sooo scary.

Clarice: Yeah. Ouch! (Clarice looks down at her finger and sees it's bleeding) Hmmm…………..

Tubby: _**B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, depending on your point of view, Tubby was so full of adrenaline that he didn't faint this time. He just ran in circles screaming while Clarice watched in confusion.

Tubby: _**BBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....OUF!!!!!!!!!!! **_(Tubby trips and falls into a tree knocking it down) _**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clarice: Tubby! Are you ok?

Tubby: Yeah (Tears in his eyes) I'm such a klutz!!!

Clarice: Me too!

Tubby: Really! You're a klutz!!! I've never met another one before!!!

Clarice: Me neither!

Clarice takes a step back from Tubby and loses her balance falling on a log. The log snaps in half and half and is sent flying into two trees knocking them down.

Clarice: Owie…………..

Tubby: Are you ok?!!!

Tubby rushes over to Clarice and trips over the other half of the log she snapped. The log flies through the air and takes down five more trees. Clarice jumps up and screams flinging herself backwards. Tubby attempts to catch her before she falls. Unfortunately, he learns the important lesson that the clumsy should never stop another's clumsy act because it can only end in tears. Tubby grabs her hand and swings her back towards him. He immediately senses the danger of her flying body and swings her to the side congratulating himself on how he so deftly avoided disaster. His celebrating was short lived when he realized he had swung Clarice into a row of trees effectively mowing them down. To rectify his mistake he swings Clarice back, unfortunately into some more trees. Clarice screamed in fear when he first swung her into the trees. However, when she hit the second batch she decided to use some new words she had learned from Rachel, resulting in a very surprised Tubby.

Tubby: Wow! I didn't know you could use those in that combination!

Clarice: _**SHUT UP AND STOP SWINGING ME AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Tubby immediately sensing danger pulls her towards him to stop the swinging. He realized a little too late that this was also a poor decision. Clarice slams into him sending the both of them into the only trees still standing around them.

Clarice: Owwww…….

Tubby: Hey, do you think anyone is going to notice?

Clarice looks at Tubby then looks around the forest or what was left of the forest. It appeared that their combined clumsiness had somehow taken out the fifty mile radius around them.

Clarice: Yeah, I think it's kinda hard to not notice the lack of trees.

Tubby: Do you think we'll get into trouble?

Clarice: Well… No, I don't think anyone will know it was us…….

Tubby and Clarice look at each other and sigh realizing that they were the two clumsiest people on the planet and would immediately be suspected.

Tubby: Wait! You know I don't think anyone could guess it was us!

Clarice: How did you reach that conclusion?

Tubby: Look around! It looks like a super battle took place. The two of us are so weak no one would ever guess we were capable of causing this kind of destruction!

Clarice: You're right!!!

They both start dancing around in pure bliss until they both trip and fall down. Clarice tries to use a tree to help herself up only to pull it down onto her head.

Clarice: OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO PATHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tubby: That's not pathetic. Do you know how I awakened? I was walking on a mountainside and I tripped and tumbled down the mountain and accidently crossed my limit. When I finally regained consciousness I realized I was a super cute overgrown bunny and that I was weaker than normal yoma!

Clarice stares at him blankly for a few seconds before the fear set in. It hit her all at once. This was her future. She would either end up in the claymore portal of pathetic deaths suffered by former number forty sevens or become a super weak cute monster thing.

Tubby: Clarice? (Waves a hand in front of her)

Clarice: I-I-I have to go…. (Eyes wide in fear)

Tubby: Ok! I'll see you around.

Clarice: Uh-huh……. _**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1**_

Tubby: Ok!!! Bye bye!!!! I'm going north if you want to see me again!!!!! (Waves at Clarice's rapidly retreating form) Now then, on with the adventure!

Clarice ran screaming all the way back to the organization. When she returned she stayed in her room rocking herself back and forth muttering things like "same" and "my future" and "not gonna end up super cute". Rado would have been concerned if he actually cared for anyone besides himself, but seeing how he didn't he just ignored her. Tubby, on the other hand, had ran into Grizzly Man again and promptly fainted. Luckily for him, Grizzly Man was a vegetarian and just stepped over him leaving him in the middle of nowhere.


	33. Talent Night

A/N: Sorry for taking so long I've been really sick. For anyone that doesn't know _Itsy Bitsy Spider_ is a children's song I didn't make it up.

Talent Night

Moral had been extremely low lately. People were moping around looking thoroughly depressed and resigned to their fates. Rimuto could actually date the start of this to the exact moment they had received their wonderful anonymous presents that had somehow managed to quadruple their population in a week. Yes, it was all the fault of those horrible mutant chomping monster spiders. Their little infestation problem has not gone away, in fact there were even more of them now. Miata killed any assassin he sent after those little bundles of horror. Yes, they were in trouble now. He had to do something to cheer people up and he had the most wonderful and brilliant plan ever thought of. This plan was even more brilliant than his plan of getting Miata to kill those mutants, which had magnificently backfired. No, there was no way this one would turn out badly. He was such a genius.

Orsay: What does he want this time?

Rado: Who knows.

Rubel: This had better be an emergency. I still have to attend to my latest wounds.

Erimita: Does everything have to be about you?

Rubel: Look at my arm! (Flailing his arm in Erimita's face.)

Erimita: I don't want to see that nasty thing!

Rubel: _Look at it!_

Erimita: _No_

Rubel: _LOOK!_

Erimita: _NO!_

Rubel: _**LOOK!**_

Erimita: _**NO!**_

Rubel: _**LOOK!**_

Erimita: _**ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_(Erimita wildly swings his arm into Rubel's arm.)

Rubel: _**AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY ARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Orsay: Must they behave like children? (Rubel and Erimita are having a slap fight off to the side.)

Rado: (_Sigh) _Just ignore them.

Rimuto: Where have you been!!! I called you here five minutes ago!

Erimita: We would have been here sooner if Rubel hadn't been wasting time crying like a little baby.

Rubel: _**WHAT?!!!!!!!**_

Rimuto: What was it this time? Monster Bunny outside your window?

Rubel: Hey! That really happened! I told you I woke up and saw a giant white bunny walking past my window!!!

Orsay: _Sure_ you did Rubel and Riful is giving out candy to all the good little Claymores who pass her.

Rubel: Shut up!

Rado: As much as I enjoy making fun of Rubel, I want to know why you called us here.

Rimuto: Oh right. Anyway, as you all know moral has been at an all time low. So, I have a brilliant plan to raise everyone spirits.

Erimita: This sounds horribly familiar. If my memory serves me right the last time you had a brilliant plan it backfired.

Rimuto: Ah… Well yes, that was rather unfortunate, but there is no way this can backfire!

Orsay: Where have I heard that before? Oh yes, the last time you had a brilliant plan and gave those mutant horrors a bodyguard.

Rimuto: Are you guys ever going to let me forget that? I already said that it was unfortunate the plan backfired. What else do you want me to say?

Rado: How about… I'm sorry.

Rimuto: I humbly accept your apology.

Rado: WHAT?! I'M NOT SORRY!!! YOU SHOULD BE SORRY!!!

Rimuto: Anyway, the reason I called all of you here is that we are going to have our first talent show!!!

Erimita: WHAT?!!!

Rimuto: You heard me. Spread the word, it's tonight. I expect all of you to participate. Bye bye.

Rimuto walks away leaving everyone standing there in shocked silence.

_At the Talent Show_

Rubel: This is the stupidest idea ever!

Rado: Just shut up. The sooner we start the sooner we can finish and purge this from our memories!

Orsay: This is going to be a disaster.

Rimuto: Don't be so pessimistic. This plan is foolproof. Now go sit down while I make the necessary introductions.

They all go to sit down while Rimuto walks onto the stage that he forced Rubel and Erimita to build.

Rimuto: Okay! Tonight is a special night! (Orsay: Yeah, so special I already want to forget it.) I thought that it would be nice to relieve some of the stress that we have all been experiencing and do something fun for a change! (Rado: In no way will this be _fun_.) So on with talent night!!! Who's first? Hmmm…. How about…. Rubel!!! (Rubel: What could I have possibly done to deserve this?!)

Rubel stomps up to the stage giving Rimuto his best death glare.

Rimuto: So, Rubel what are you going to show us tonight?

Rubel: (Gives Rimuto one last glare) Well, I am going to show you my wonderful gift with children. You see, children seem to absolutely love me and will always come to me.

A random unfortunate little girl is pushed onto the stage. She stands there quivering in fear looking around at the audience and her gaze rests on Rubel's smirking face.

Rubel: (Plasters what he thinks is a kindly smile, but is more like a creepy leer on his face) Hello, little girl….

Unfortunate Little Girl: WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rubel: Ah-Ah don't cry. It's ok.

Unfortunate Little Girl: **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Rubel: Uh… pretty little girl……

Unfortunate Little Girl: _**WWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Erimita: Move out of the way Rubel! (Shoves Rubel to the side) I know how to comfort children when they are upset. You obviously have no idea how to deal with children. (He looks down at the child and smiles behind his scarf.) Come here little girl I'll give you a hug……. (He opens his arms wide and reaches down towards the child.)

Unfortunate Little Girl:___**WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

The little girl runs away from Erimita screaming and crying.

Rimuto: Uh…. On to the next talent! Ummm… Erimita, since you're already up there, why don't you go next!

Erimita: Out of the way Rubel! You're ruining my moment to shine!

Erimita shoves Rubel off the stage and he lands with a loud thud on the floor.

Rimuto: Well, Erimita what are you going to do?

Erimita: Sing.

Orsay: He sings?

Rado: Apparently.

Erimita begins to sing. Instead of bringing tears of joy to their eyes he brings tears of horror. Rimuto, fearing that his ears would start bleeding if he heard anymore, picks up the conveniently empty chair next to him and throws it into Erimita's face.

Erimita: _AAAAAAHHHHHH……..OUF!!!!! THUD!!!!!_

Rimuto: Next!!!

Audrey: Ooo! We're next! (Audrey drags Rachel up onto the stage with her.) Oh, he might be in our way. (Points at Erimita's motionless body)

Rachel: _Sigh_ (Kicks Erimita off the stage.) Better?

Audrey: Much!

Rimuto: Okay! What talent are you two going to be showing us tonight!

Rachel: Yeah! Why the ^$%^(*$&*#* did you drag me up here?

Audrey: My talent is the curing of cursing! (Pulls out one of the mutant spiders)

Rimuto: AGH!!! Audrey! What's wrong with you?! Why did you bring that thing in here?!!!

Audrey holds the spider close to Rachel.

Rachel: Audrey! Get that %^(&^(*^)&^ away from me!!! (CHOMP!) ARGH!!!!!!!!!! ^(^&&^)*&^^% (CHOMP!) AUDREY!!! WHAT THE %$%!#$%^!!! (CHOMP!!!) _**AUDREY!!! GET THAT *&^%$# AWAY BEFORE I #$*&^%$#$%^&*&^%$#!!!!!!!! **_ (CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!!) _***&$^%&!&%#^(!*^%#$&#!&$&%#$!#$%^&^%$#^^%*^%^##$##!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_(CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!! CHOMP!!!)

Rimuto: As interesting as this is we need to move on!!!

René: I'm next!!! (Drags Alicia and Beth onto the stage with her)

Rimuto: What are you doing with Alicia and Beth?

René: Patience.

Rimuto: Uh…. Making Alicia awaken isn't really a talent… Ok, maybe it is, but it's not the kind of talent I was aiming for.

René: Just wait, this'll be great. Ok, I need a volunteer, preferably one with long hair.

René looks around with a hopeful expression for a volunteer. Scanning the room she realized that she wasn't going to find any willing volunteers and started looking for a good candidate.

René: Dietrich! I'm so glad you volunteered!

Dietrich: I didn't volunteer.

René: Come on up! Don't be shy!

Dietrich: I don't want to.

René, sensing that Dietrich was going to need some _help_ getting on the stage, decided to take matters into her own hands. She jumps down off the stage and immediately captures Dietrich dragging her kicking and screaming onto the stage.

Dietrich: René! Let me go! I told you I don't want to be you victim!

René: Now, now, I know you really want to.

Dietrich: No, I don't! Now let me go before I kill you!

René: You can't do that! Besides, I'm ranked higher than you. You have to do what I say.

Dietrich: Who said that?! (René pushes Dietrich into a chair on the stage)

René: I did! Okay, now that I have a volunteer, we can get started. (Dietrich glares at her) I'm going to show you all something super cool that will amaze you. (Dietrich: Are you trying to sell something?) I know that many of you out there have thought at one time or another… "Oh my, my hair is looking so shabby! How I wish I could do something about it!" (Dietrich: Ha! That's only you.) Well, now I'll show you the solution to your problem with the aid of Alicia and Beth! (Dietrich: I hate you.) Okay! Alicia go!

Alicia awakens and awaits René's next order. René moves a safe distance away from Alicia and Dietrich, the far side of the stage, and smiles to the audience.

René: Okay Alicia, give Dietrich's hair a little trim!!! (Dietrich panics and tries to get up and run) Dietrich don't move! Alicia might cut your head off accidently!!!

Dietrich glares at René and sits perfectly still. Alicia zooms towards Dietrich blades blazing so fast it's nothing but a blur. Dietrich sits completely still with her eyes tightly shut thinking of horrible painful deaths that could befall René.

René: See! That's how you take care of your little hair problem!

Dietrich: (Opens one eye) It's over?

René: Yep!

Dietrich: (Opens the other eye) René! I'm going to beat you up! Wait why does my head feel funny? It feels lighter on one side. (Lifts up her hand up to her head) René! It's cut completely crooked!!!

René: Oh, don't worry about that. It looks great.

Dietrich: IT'S CUT COMPLETELY CROOKED!!! HOW CAN IT LOOK GREAT?!!!

René: Uh… because I said so…

Dietrich: _**I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Dietrich chases René out of the room.

Rimuto: Wow! Okay, time's up! Next!!! It had better be one of you! (Looks at the remaining men in black) Our own soldiers have more talent than we do. They're making us look like a bunch of talentless losers! Now, one of you get up there and fix it!

Rado: Fine! I'll go next!

Orsay: What are you doing?

Rado: _Itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout _ (Rubel: What?! SPIDER?!) _Down came the rain and washed the spider out _(Rubel: Haha! Little sucker's dead!) _Out came the sun and dried up all the rain _(Rubel: Yeah, that's right! Dry up the little chomper's body!) _And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again _(The moment Rado finished he dropped a large stuffed spider in Rubel's lap.)

Rubel:__(Really high pitch) _**AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_(Dancing in a circle) _**GET IT OFF!!!! GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!!!!**_

Everyone Else: **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Rimuto: Ahahaha! Next!

Orsay gets up and walks onto the stage.

Rimuto: Okay, Orsay what are you going to do?

Orsay: Belly dance.

Rimuto: …. Huh? …………..

Everyone in the room is frozen in shock, hoping that they misheard Orsay. Orsay begins to move. Rimuto, sensing that he was about to be scarred for life, picks up the nearest object, which happened to be the large rule book, and threw it at him. Orsay falls to the stage in a heap of cloth.

Rimuto: N-next!!! Please, next!!!!

Clarice: Ummm…. I'm next….

Rimuto: What are you going to do?

Clarice: I'm going to juggle…

Rado: You can do that?

Clarice: ….flaming torches.

Rado: _**W-WHAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clarice begins to juggle the flaming torches and the whole room watches in stunned silence.

Rimuto: Rado, I thought you said she was really clumsy.

Rado: She is.

Rimuto: Then how can she juggle flaming torches if she's super clumsy?

Rado: I really don't know.

Rubel: You know, if she is as clumsy as you describe, it's really amazing that she can do this.

Rado: I know… She hasn't even tripped once.

Clarice suddenly trips on nothing and the flaming torches fly up into the air in what looked like slow motion and fell on Rado setting him ablaze.

Rado: _**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Rubel: Guess we spoke too soon. Oh well.

Rimuto: (Ignoring Rado's flames) Next!

Miata: Fire…….

Rimuto: Miata! How did you escape … I mean, when did you get here?

Miata: …..out……

Rado is swarmed by a black mass and the fire is extinguished immediately. The black mass moves onto the stage leaving him lying in a smoldering black heap. The audience stares curiously at the rippling black thing on the stage. That is until Rubel saw the glinting of fangs.

Rubel: _**AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! CHOMPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Rimuto: What? (Rimuto looks at the stage and sees the many many many eyes and realizes she brought her chomping spider friends.) _**MIATA!!!!!!!! WHY DID YOU BRING THOSE MONSTERS WITH YOU?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Miata: Monsters? (Looks confused) Where?

Rimuto: _**THOSE THINGS YOU CALL BABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Miata: They're not monsters….

Rimuto: (Panicking) Uh…. Of course not….. They're not monsters…… sorry…. Carry on….

Miata: Pretty…..

The mutant spiders organize themselves into a landscape complete with trees, hills, a large mountain in the back, and what looked suspiciously like a lake in the middle. They would have been impressed and awed by the display if it hadn't been created by their living nightmare

Rachael: It's those #$%^^%#&*&^%#& that have been chewing on us at night!!! (CHOMP!!!!) ARGH!!!

Rubel: _**RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!!!**_

Crowd: _**AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

The crowd forms a panicked mob and runs Rubel over. The sudden noise startles the spiders causing them to swarm the fleeing audience. The spiders only chased them to the doors however, deciding to stay with their favorite chew toys, the men in black. It was at this moment that Orsay and Erimita decided that it was a good time to regain consciousness.

Orsay: Owww…. (Looks up and sees and many fanged smile.) _**AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Erimita: I knew this was going to be a disaster. I just knew it.

Rimuto: Well, this didn't go according to plan. You guys should have thought it out better to make sure disasters such as this wouldn't happen.

Rado: WHAT? THIS WAS YOUR IDEA!!!!

Rimuto: Now now, I forgive you all for your incompetence. Just make sure that it doesn't happen again.

Rado: _**FORGIVE US?!!! YOU SHOULD BE BEGGING US FOR FORGIVENESS!!!!**_

Rubel: _**KILL HIM LATER!!!! WE SHOULD BE MORE WORRIED ABOUT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

They all learned an important lesson that day. Getting distracted when a horde of teething mutant spiders were surrounding you is a very bad thing. Their screams were heard for days and moral went even lower. Well, the moral of the men in black plummeted, mainly because no one seemed willing to help nurse their injuries and left them lying on the floor where talent night was held. The moral of the soldiers went up and Miata was seen as something close to a hero, because with the men in black lying on the floor in agony, everyone else enjoyed a nice vacation.


	34. Can’t Get Rid of You

Can't Get Rid of You

Riful: _Sigh_ I'm bored……… Dauf!!!

Dauf: Yeah?

Riful: I'm bored!!!

Dauf: Ok….

Riful: Well, fix it!!!!

Dauf: …………. 'K …………

Dauf stares at Riful without blinking. This goes on for several minutes.

Riful: What are you doing?! I told you to fix my boredom!!! Why are you just staring at me?!!!! (Her right eye starts twitching.)

Dauf: Ah! You blinked!!! I won!!! I won!!!

Riful: ……..WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I BLINKED AND YOU WON?!!!!!!

Dauf: You said fix your boredom. So, I started the staring game.

Riful: The staring game? What's that?!!!

Dauf: It's where you stare at each other and the first person to blink loses.

Riful: …………. **THAT'S THE STUPIDEST GAME I'VE EVER HEARD OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I TOLD YOU TO DO SOMETHING THAT WOULD ELIEVATE MY BOREDOM!!!!!!! **_**NOW DO IT!!!!!!!! **_

Dauf: (Mumbling) It's not a stupid game. It's a great game.

Riful: _What was that?_

Dauf: Nothing…..

Riful: That's what I thought, now on with my entertainment.

Dauf looks around trying to think of something to do. However, since he is severely lacking a brain, thinking seems to be a task beyond him.

Riful: Well? I'm waiting……

Dauf: (Pained expression on his face) I'm thinking.

Riful: …….. Wow…….. I didn't know you could do that without a brain………

Dauf: Oh! I know what I can do!!!

Dauf begins his attempt at tap dancing. Unfortunately, his weight causes the floor beneath him to weaken and he falls through it.

Riful: Dauf!!!!!!!!! Get back up here!!!!!!! If you think you can escape entertaining me, you're in for a rude awakening!!!!!!!!!!! **NOW GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

Riful reverts her left arm back into it's awakened form and sends it down the hole dragging Dauf though it when she brings it back.

Dauf: Ok, this idea is better. You won't be bored now!!!

Dauf starts growing a rod out of his back and pulls it out. He walks over to something that's hanging from the ceiling. He looks back at Riful and smiles before ramming the rod into a mass hanging from the ceiling.

Riful: Hehehehehehe…….. Now, that's more like it.

_Meanwhile………………………._

"I can't believe he did that again!!!!!!!!!"

"Well, he is pretty stupid. Simple things like this are a source of great amusement for him."

"When I get out of here I'm going to fill him full of holes. Yeah, that's what I'll do, we'll see how much he likes it then. Mwhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Ummmmm……………… You know filling him full of holes won't really solve anything."

"What do you mean? Of course it will! It will make me feel better!!!! That's all that matters!!!!"

"Well, it won't really stop him from doing that though, will it? I mean, right now we can't really stop him from doing that and we also don't know if we'll get out of here do we?"

"Well whose fault is that? Hmmm…… I wonder……. Let me think…..Oh yeah, that's right!!! _**IT'S YOU'RE FAULT WE'RE STUCK IN HERE RAFAELA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S MY FAULT?!!! HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY BE MY FAULT LUCIELLA?!!!!"

"HMMM……. HOW COULD THIS BE YOU'RE FAULT?!!! THAT'S A TOUGH QUESTION!!! I DON'T KNOW IF I'LL _EVER_ BE ABLE TO ANSWER THAT ONE!!! OH WAIT, I CAN!!!! JUST WHEN I WAS GIVING MY BELOVED LITTLE SISTER, THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS, A HUG!!! YOU HUGGED ME TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!! THEN YOU LET YOUR YOKI FLOW INTO MY LIFELESS CARCASS AND STARTED TO ATTACH YOURSELF TO ME!!!!! NOW OUR BODIES ARE MERGING INTO ONE BODY AND I'M STUCK WITH YOU _**FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN THAT NOT BE YOUR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Luciella screams stomping her foot.

"HEY, IT'S NOT LIKE I KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN!!! BESIDES, IF WE'RE PLACING BLAME HERE IT'S JUST AS MUCH YOUR FAULT AS IT IS MINE!!!" Rafaella yells back jabbing her finger into Luciella's face.

"WHAT?!!!!!! RAFAELA, HOW CAN THIS POSSIBLY BE MY FAULT?!!!"

"WELL, IF YOU HAD BEEN PAYING ATTENTION IN OUR SOUL LINK LESSONS AND NOT PLAYING WITH YOUR HAIR, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE AWAKENED!!!!!"

"_**WHAT?!!!!! YOU WERE IN CHARGE OF BRINGING ME BACK, AND I MIGHT SAY THAT YOU COMPLETELY SUCKED AT DOING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Flailing her arms for emphasis.

"_**YEAH?!!!!!!!!! WELL SOOOOOO WHAT!!!! YOU TOOK OUT MY EYE!!!!!!!!**_"

"_**YOU KILLED ME AND THEN COMDEMED ME TO AN ETERNITY WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!**_"

"_**YOU TOOK OUT MY EYE, NOW WERE EVEN!! SO THERE HA!!!!!!**_"

"_**SO THERE…….HEY!!! THAT MORON DID IT AGAIN!!!!!**_"

"I already told you he's stupid, therefore he finds pleasure in doing mindless things."

"I'm not talking to you." Luciella said turning her back to Rafaela.

"Well, that's going to be pretty hard not to do. Since, we're the only ones here and we're going to be together _forever_."

"Shut up! Don't depress me further."

"I thought you weren't talking to me."

"….I hate you!"

"……Oh, yeah I'm telling mom!" Rafaela sobs.

"NO WAY, I'M TELLING HER FIRST!!!" Luciella screams turning to face Rafaela. "THIS IS YOU'RE FAULT!!!!"

"I WAS ONLY TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF MY BELOVED BIG SISTER! I EVEN MANGAED TO CREATE THIS PORTAL SO THAT WE COULD WATCH WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THE REAL WORLD AND YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING BUT UNGREATFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rafaela screams with tears flowing down her face.

_Back to the real world……….._

Riful: _Sigh_ That was fun. Seeing something get punched full of holes is always fun. Although, I'm not entirely sure if they can feel it, but it still is enjoyable to see it happen.

Dauf: See, I came up with a good idea.

Riful: Yes, for once you used what little brain you have and actually did something useful. I wonder……….

Dauf: What?

Riful: I was wondering if they can think.

Dauf: What do you mean?

RIful: Well, I was wondering if while in that state they can actively think, but just are oblivious to the outer world and only live inside their heads. If that's the case, what do they do inside their own world all the time?

_Back to the Rafaela and Luciela show………………_

"_**OWWWWWWWW!!!! RAFAELA, STOP BITING ME!!!!" **_Luciella screams.

"_**THEN STOP PULLING MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Rafaela screams back, albeit a bit muffled because she has Luciella's arm in her mouth.

"_**LET GOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_"

"_**YOU FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" **_

"_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE DROOLING ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_"

"_**HAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TAKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUPER DROOL OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" **_Rafaela cackles spraying more drool over Luciella's arm.

"_**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ALL OVER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_"

She yanks on Rafaela's hair so hard that it wrenches her mouth from Luciella's arm. Luciella takes the opening and slings Rafaela's face first into the ground.

"_**OOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUCIELLA! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Rafaela tries to get up but falls down again.

"_**YOU BIT ME AND THEN SLOBBERED ALL OVER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**_ Luciella screams stomping her foot.

"_**SO WHAT!!! THAT DOESN'T WARRANT TRYING TO BASH MY BRAINS OUT!!!!!!"**_ Rafaela launches herself at Luciella and tackles her to the ground.

"_**RAFAELLA! GET OFF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Luciella tries to push Rafaela off her, but is unsuccessful. _Chomp!_ "_**OUCH!!! MY ARM!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BITING?!!!!!**_"

Luciella starts punching Rafaela in the head trying to make her loosen her grip. Unfortunately, the moment she started punching, Rafaela clenched her jaw tighter sinking her teeth deeper into Luciella's arm. Luciella grabbed Rafeala's arm and bit down as hard as she could. The act seemed to spark the "who can bite harder war" and the "war of who can take more pain". After several minutes of drooling and gnawing, they both let go.

"_**I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" They both exclaim. "_**WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" They yell at each other. "_**I SAID I WIN**_" They both yell again.

"_**HOW DID YOU WIN?!!!!!!!!! I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Rafaela yells yanking Luciella's hair.

"_**OUCH!!!!!!!! NO WAY, I WON!!!!!**_" Luciella screams digging her nails into Rafaela's arm.

"_**OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" Rafaela punches Luciella in the stomach.

"_Ouf!_ _**RAFAELA! I'M THE OLDEST AND THAT MEANS THAT I ALWAYS WIN!!! IT ALSO MEANS THAT YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME AND DO WHAT EVER I SAY**_" She kicks Rafaela in the shin. "_**WITH THAT BEING SAID, WHEN WE AWAKEN WE ARE GOING TO BE KITTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_"

"_**NO WAY!!!!!! I TOLD YOU THAT WE WEREN'T GOING TO BE A STUPID KITTY!!!!!!!**_" She knocks Luciella's feet out from underneath her.

_Smack!_ Luciella slams her head into the floor.

"_**AGH!!!!!" **_She jumps to her feet."_**WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING A KITTY?!!! I WAS A KITTY BEFORE THIS WHOLE UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT OCCURRED!!!!!!!!**_" She slaps Rafaela's arm.

"_**YOU HAD TWO TAILS AND CREEPY MOUTHS ALL OVER YOU BODY!!!!!!!!! HOW IS THAT NOT WRONG?!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" She claws Luciella's arm."_**I WANT TO LOOK COOL!!! I WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" She holds up a very badly drawn picture that has what looks like a two headed blob with barely recognizable wings on both sides.

"_**I REFUESE TO BECOME A TWO HEADED WINGED MUTANT!!!!!! I'M THE OLDEST AND I GET TO DECIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_"

"_**YOU ALREADY HAD YOUR CHANCE AS A KITTY!!!!! IT'S MY BODY TOO AND I SHOULD HAVE A SAY AND IT'S NOT A TWO HEADED WINGED MUTANT!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S LIKE A STATUE I SAW ONCE!!!! I JUST SUCK AT DRAWING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_" She stomps Luciella's foot.

"_**OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S A TWO HEADED WINGED MUTANT IF I SAY IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_"

They both dive at each other and proceed to bite, stomp, slap, dig nails into each other, claw, kick, punch, knock legs out from underneath each other, tackle, slam heads into the ground, and any other underhanded and dirty fighting method they can think of. They only stop when Dauf stabs another rod into their bodies. They both pause their attempts to kill each other, Rafaela hands on Luciella's pig tails and Luciella mid punch, to look at the portal.

"You know I really hate him." Rafaela says still holding onto Luciella's pig tails. "I'm beginning to like your idea of punching holes in him better and better."

"See, you should listen to your older sister once in a while. I do come up with good ideas."

"Well, at least we agreed on something."

"Yeah, you know while we're punching holes in people we should get Riful too. It's her fault he's doing it in the first place." She says as she bends down to help Rafaela up.

_Back to the Real World………._

Riful: _Shivers_

Dauf: Riful, what's wrong?

Riful: Nothing, I just had a feeling that someone was planning on killing us………………….


	35. Yuma’s Grand Adventure

A/N: Apparently f.f. didn't like several of my sentences and kept trying to delete them. So, I had to mess with the sentences and create new lines in the middle of the sentences to keep them. That's why a couple of sentences look wierd. It happens twice the sentences are meant to be read as one complete line with no spacings.

* * *

Yuma's Grand Adventure

Helen: Hey Yuma, Miria wants you to go get water.

Yuma: Ok, I'll be back in a few minutes.

Helen: She wants you to get water from that new place we saw a few days ago.

Yuma: You mean the one that's twelve hours from here?!

Helen: Yep.

Yuma: Why?!

Helen: She wants to try water from a new place.

Yuma: Again, why?

Helen: Because she says so.

Yuma: Fine.

Helen: Don't worry. It won't take you twelve hours to get there.

Yuma: It won't?

Helen: Nope, I drew you a map with a short cut Tabitha and I discovered.

Yuma: Thanks!

_Five hours later_

Miria: Hey, has anyone seen Yuma recently?

Helen: I have. She said that there was something that she wanted to check on.

Miria: Is everything ok?

Helen: Yeah, I don't think that it's anything to worry about.

Miria: Ok. Did she say when she'd be back?

Helen: She said it might take a while.

Miria: Hmmmm…………..

_Meanwhile……………._

Yuma: None of this looks familiar. I could have sworn that the place with water was more west, but I'm pretty sure that I'm going north. Hmmmm……. Maybe I should look at the map.

She opens the map Helen gave her.

_At the Cave_

Tabitha: Yuma's been gone a long time don't you think?

Helen: Not really. Anyway, don't worry about her. I gave her a map.

Tabitha: You gave her a map? How did you find an accurate map of this waste land to give her?

Helen: Simple. I drew her one.

Tabitha: You drew one?

Helen: Yep.

Tabitha: Maybe we should tell Miria.

Helen: Why?

Tabitha: Well….. If you drew the map it might be unreliable.

Helen: Hey! I drew the most awesome map ever!

Tabitha: That's what I'm afraid of.

_Back to Yuma_

Yuma: …….. What? WHAT?!!!!! _WHAT IS THIS?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ _THIS ISN'T A MAP!!!_ **IT'S A PIECE OF PAPER WITH A SQUIGGLE AND WHAT IS THAT? IT LOOKS LIKE LUMPS OF SOMETHING AND UPSIDE DOWN TRIANGLES!!! **_**WHAT ARE THE STICKS WITH LINES STICKING OUT AT ODD ANGLES SUPPOSE TO BE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Yuma hears an odd rumbling sound and looks up from the map.

Yuma: Huh? What's that? (The ground begins to shake and the rumbling noise grows louder.) Earthquake? (She looks at the ground and sees an odd shadow growing larger every second. She looks behind her and sees that the mountain behind her has snow falling off of it very fast.) _**ARRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AVANLANCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

_Miria's Calamity Radar_

_**Beep! Beep! Beep! Warning!**_ _**Calamity!**_

Miria: Ow….

Cynthia: Miria? What's wrong?

Miria: Headache…..

Deneve: Does anyone else hear a rumbling sound?

Clare: Hmmm……. Now that you mention it, yes.

Miria: I have a horrible feeling that some calamity is occurring…….

Tabitha: Are you sure?

Miria: Yes, some calamity is happening because someone has done something stupid.

Tabitha: But Clare and Helen are here!

Clare/Helen: HEY!

Tabitha: It's true! The two of you cause more disasters than rampaging yomas!

Helen: That's not true!!!

Clare: Yeah, give one example!

Helen: Ummm…. Clare….

Clare: I mean, give a couple hundred examples!

Deneve: ….. The fact that it's possible to give a couple hundred examples proves her point. Anyway, look over there. (She points towards the rumbling)

Cynthia: Oh, look it's an avalanche!

Tabitha: …. If Helen and Clare are here, what could have caused it?

Helen/Clare: HEY!!!!

Deneve: Hey, do you guys hear a far away scream that kinda sounds like Yuma?

They all listen….

Miria: You know, it does kinda sound like her…………

Helen: Ha-Ha, but that's impossible! Ahahaha! (Her laughter takes on a slightly hysterical sound.) No way would Yuma be over there!

Miria: I guess you're right.

_Under the mountain of snow_

Yuma: She's dead…. As soon as I dig myself out and find my way back I'm going to kill her. Actually, you know what? Death is too kind for her. Yes, that's right. I won't kill her. I will make her existence miserable! I don't know how I will do that, but I will!!!!! Mwhahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Yuma's evil laugh is slightly muffled due to being buried under the snow.) That was a pretty pathetic evil laugh. If I'm going to be the bane of Helen's existence then I'll have to do better. MWAHAHA---_Wheeze! Choke! Cough! Cough! Hack! Wheeze! Gag!_ (When Yuma opened her mouth to use her supremely evil laugh she inhaled all the snow in front of her mouth.)

_Three hours later_

Yuma: Finally! I dug myself out! I am soooooooo going to do something totally horrible to Helen for this! Helen is going to pay! _Rumble_ (Yuma turns towards the ominous rumbling sound and sees the mountain still has a little bit of snow left on it. A small portion of the snow starts falling.) _Whispering_ I mean, Helen is going to pay. Now, all I have to do is find my way back, get Helen into trouble for drawing this useless map to get me hopelessly lost, think up a brilliant plan, and then make her life a living nightmare. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_ Rumble Rumble Rumble Rumble_

Yuma runs towards a valley in the opposite direction of the mountain. She stops only when she feels safe from the range of the falling snow.

Yuma: Haha! Take that stupid snow mountain! Can't get me now! Can you?! Can't drop your stupid snow on me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ouf! (The snow on the tree she was standing next to falls on her.) Stupid snow! I hate you!!! Argh!!!! (More snow falls off the tree.)

Mysterious Voice 1: …and then she went bleh!!!! Splat!!! (A group of voices start laughing.) It was the funniest thing I've ever seen!!!!

Mysterious Voice 2: I bet it was! Haha! I wish I was there to see it!!!

Yuma: Huh? Who's over there?

Mysterious Voice 3: So then what happened?

Mysterious Voice 1: Well, I stated laughing so hard I was rolling on the ground and her friend decided to attack me while I was distracted. Unfortunately for her, I was laughing so hard that I rolled into her and she flew into a building and when she fell to the ground she landed on her sword!!!

Group of Mysterious Voices: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mysterious Voice 2: What happened after that? Ahahahahaha!!!!!!

Mysterious Voice 1: She ran away with her sword sticking out of her stomach and back!!!!!!

Group of Mysterious Voices: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuma: What's going on? (She walks towards the voices and freezes when she sees the source.) _Gasp!_ Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Why didn't I sense them?! (She continues to stare at several yoma who are soaking in what appears to be a hot spring.)

_In the yoma hot spring_

High Maintenance Yoma: Ah… It's so nice to take a break from all the eating and relax in a nice hot spring. (Yuma: Hot spring?)

Hypochondriac Yoma: Yes, it is, but we can't stay in too long or we'll get sick or something.

I'm Always Right Yoma: What are you talking about? We can't get sick.

Hypochondriac Yoma: How do you know that?

I'm Always Right Yoma: Have you ever seen a sick yoma?

Hypochondriac Yoma: No

I'm Always Right Yoma: Exactly.

Hypochondriac Yoma: That doesn't mean anything! How do you know that they didn't get sick and then die a horrible death!

I'm Always Right Yoma: Have you ever seen these supposed horrible deaths?

Hypochondriac Yoma: No.

I'm Always Right Yoma: Well, how do you ….

Hypochondriac Yoma: How do you know that it hasn't happened?!

I'm Always Right Yoma: Well… I don't….

Hypochondriac Yoma: See!

I'm Always Right Yoma: Come on! Hey! Help would you!

High Maintenance Yoma: You know… I do believe that the water in this hot spring makes my skin look all shiny and beautiful. What do you think?

I'm Always Right Yoma: You haven't been listening at all have you?

High Maintenance Yoma: You know, there's a hot spring in the south that makes my skin all soft and smooth, but if I stay in too long it dries my skin out. I think I prefer this hot spring. It makes my skin shiny and soft and has never dried my skin out no matter how long I stay in.

Hypochondriac Yoma: We're all going to get sick and wither away and then we'll die in agony!!! I FEEL IT COMING!!!! **I'M ALREADY SICK!!!!** _**OH, I'M TOO YOUNG!!!! I HAVEN'T EATEN ALL THE DIFFERENT TYPES OF PEOPLE I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAMPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

I'm Always Right Yoma: _**SHUT UP!!!!!!! YOU ARE NOT SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Hypochondriac Yoma: _**HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

I'm Always Right Yoma: _**BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

High Maintenance Yoma: Do you think that if I stayed in longer that my skin would get that beautiful glow that I've been searching for?

I'm Always Right Yoma: I think if you stay in any longer that you'll turn into a giant prune!

High Maintenance Yoma: _Gasp!_ Anything but that!!!

Hypochondriac Yoma: _**ARHG!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE GOING TO CATCH A DISEASE THAT'LL TURN US INTO PRUNES AND KILL US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Yuma: It looks like they can't sense me. I wonder if the hot spring makes it impossible to sense yoki…. If that's the case then I can get closer. _Achoo! Splash!_

Yuma's sneeze propels her into the hot spring splashing water everywhere.

Yuma: _Cough! Cough! Cough! Cough!_ (Yuma's hair is covering her face.)

I'm Always Right Yoma: …………… _**MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Hypochondriac Yoma:_** ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S THE GRIM REAPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY DID GET THE HORRIBLE PRUNE DISEASE AND NOW I'M GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

High Maintenance Yoma: _**ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DON'T LOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT BEAUTIFIED YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

I'm Always Right Yoma, Hypochondriac Yoma, and High Maintenance Yoma immediately start scrambling out of the water. Their escape is hindered by their hysterical cries and constant tripping over each other. During this pathetic display of bravery, Yuma is splashing around blindly waving her arms in front of her. The hysterical yoma take one last frightened look back towards Yuma and run as fast as they can. Yuma can hear their fading cries as she clears her hair from her face.

Yuma: …. You know they were right this is a really good hot spring. I think I'll stay here and relax a bit. Yeah, then I'll rub it in Helen's face when I get back. (Yuma falls asleep.)

_The next day_

Yuma: Wow! I feel great! I'm glad I stayed there last night.

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore:

AndThenIWasLike

TotallyEwwww

LikeGetAwayFromMe!!!

(Translation: and then I was like totally ewwww like get away from me!!!)

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like that must have been totally awful. (Really sarcastic tone.) Now isn't my new hair style like totally awesome? Doesn't it like make me like totally beautiful?

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: ……………(You can hear a whooshing sound from her head.)

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: OhTotally!ILikeLoveYourNewHairStyle!It'sLikeTotallyAwesome!!!

(Translation: Oh, totally! I like love your new hair style!It's like totally awesome!!!

Yuma was so shocked that she walked into soldiers from the organization that she completely froze to her spot on the path.

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: ……… (Tilts head to the side and points straight at Yuma.)

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: Ooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!LikeWhat'sThat?What'sThat?

(Translation: Ooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! Like what's that? What's that?)

She runs over to Yuma and starts jumping up and down around her.

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like why should I care?

Yuma: Uh…. Ummmm……… I'm a rock! (Yuma grabs her cloak and covers her body with it while dropping to the ground.

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore walks over to Yuma and pokes her.

Yuma: Eep!!! I mean…. ROCK NOISE!!!

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: Wow!ThisIsLikeTotallyAwesome!ATalkingRock!!!!Isn'tThatLikeTotallyAwesome?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Translation: Wow! This is like totally awesome! A talking rock!!!! Isn't that like totally awesome?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I'm Better Than You Claymore: I guess so, but I'm like way more totally awesome than like some talking rock.

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: ……Wow…….. This is like the softest rock I've like ever met. Like all the other rocks that I've like met have been hard and like hurt when I like sat on them. (Sits down on Yuma.)

Yuma: Ouf! I-I mean….. ROCK NOISE!!!

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: OhWow!TheRockLikeTalkedAgain!!!!

(Translation: Oh wow! The rock like talked again!!!!)

Yuma: (_Inner thought_) _What's wrong with them? Are they really this stupid?_

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like enough about this so called totally awesome rock. I'm like way more totally awesome than like that rock. Like come on, we got to like go and like hunt that like yoma thing.

They walk off and leave Yuma there on the path. Yuma stands up holding her back.

Yuma: Owwwwwwwww……………. My back. She was really heavy. I have to get back. (Yuma starts limping down the path while holding her back.)

_Ten minutes later_

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: Wow!LikeATalkingRock!That'sLikeTotallyAwesome!ThisIsLikeTheBestDayLikeEver!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Translation: Wow! Like a talking rock! That's like totally awesome! This is like the best day like ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Yuma: What?! Why are they back?!

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Argh!!! Are we like ever going to like get there? I like have better things to do!

Yuma: ……..They're lost. How did they get lost and end up back here when this path is straight and has no other tangents?

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: ………….. (Points at Yuma.)

Yuma: Uh… Ummm….. I'm a tree!!!!! (She stands straight and raises her arms above her head.)

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore walks over to Yuma. She looks at her and then kicks her shin.

Yuma: Ouch!!! I-I mean…. Rustle? Rustle?

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: …. Wow, this is like the softest tree I've like ever met. All the…..

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like shut up! We've got to like hurry and like kill that yoma.

Yuma: There are only three of you. Where's the other one?

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like other one?

Yuma: There are supposed to be four of you.

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore:………………………

I'm Better Than You Claymore: …………………..

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: ……………………

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like one (Points to herself.) like two (Points to Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore.) Like …….like……. like………….. (Thinking really hard and pointing at Brains Who Needs Them Claymore.)

Yuma: _Sigh_ Three.

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Right like three! …………………… (Looking around the area.)

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WeLikeForgotThatGirl!!!!LikeTheOneThatLikeReads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Translation: ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We like forgot that girl!!!!Like the one that like reads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

_Meanwhile_

Read Every Book Known To Exist Claymore: Hmmm…….. They left me…. I wonder where they went? I bet they're hopelessly lost. I can't believe that I have to listen to them because they outrank me. _Sigh_

Rimuto: Argh!!!! They deserted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Read Every Book Known To Exist Claymore: Seriously? I don't think they even know what that word means. They can't even count past two. They probably don't even know I'm not there.

Rimuto: Oh…. It's those three….

Read Every Book Known To Exist Claymore: _Sigh_ I guess I should go and get them. Knowing them they're probably having a conversation with a tree.

_Back to the Smartest, Wittiest, and Best Strategic Geniuses that have ever existed_

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like oops. Oh well, I'm like the only totally important person like here.

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore:………………………

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: LikeOhNo!LikeWhatDoWeDo?WeLikeTotallyLostSomeone!!!

(Translation: Like oh no! Like what do we do? We like totally lost someone!!!)

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Eh… Like who cares? I'm still like the most important person like here. Now, like what were we doing?

Yuma: Ummm….. Hunting a yoma?

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like oh yeah.

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore:

LikeATalkingTree! It'sLikeATalkingTree! That'sLikeTotallyAwesome!

LikeATalkingRockAnd

LikeATalkingTree!!!

LikeIThingALikeTalkingTree

IsLikeWayMore

TotallyAwesomeThan

LikeATalkingRock

ButLikeATalking

RockIsLikeStillLike

TotallyAwesome!!!

JustLikeNotAs

TotallyAwesome

AsLikeA

TalkingTree!!!

(Translation: Like a talking tree! It's like a talking tree! That's like totally awesome!!! Like a talking rock and like a talking tree!!! Like I think a like talking tree is like way more totally awesome than like a talking rock but like a talking rock is like still like totally awesome!!! Just like not as totally awesome as like a talking tree!!!)

Yuma: Ummm….. Shouldn't you guys go hunt that yoma?

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like oh yeah. I like forgot. Like let's go.

They go walking off the way they came. Yuma sighs and limps in the opposite direction.

_Back at the cave_

Helen: Oh, this is _really_ bad! Yuma's been gone for a week! I am _sooooo_ dead if Miria finds out!!!

Deneve: If Miria finds out what?

Helen: Uh…Ummm…. That I borrowed her claymore and used it as a bat to hit things at Clare?

Deneve:….. You are _soooo_ stupid. (Walks away.)

Helen: That was close.

Cynthia: Yuma!

Tabitha: Yuma's back!

Helen: Oh, that's good! I was beginning to panic! (Walks to where everyone is crowding around Yuma.)

Clare: Yuma, what happened to you? You look like you're half dead.

Miria: Yuma, where were you?

Yuma: I-I…..don't know. (Looking traumatized.)

Miria: You mean you were lost?

Yuma: Yes, I….(She sees Helen for the first time.) You…..(Shaking with anger.) You…..(Pointing at Helen.)

Helen: Uh-Ahahaha. Yeah, I'm here.

Tabitha: What's wrong Yuma?

Yuma: _**YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE THE REASON I HAD A MOUNTAIN FALL ON ME, WAS NEARLY DROWNED IN A HOT SPRING, AND NEARLY GOT CAUGHT AND KILLED BY THE STUPIDIEST SOLDIERS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID WORTHLESS MAP THAT YOU DREW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_(She pulls out the much abused map and waves it violently in Helen's face.)

Miria: Helen?

Helen: Uh… Yes? (Extremely frightened.)

Miria: Did you draw a map for Yuma?

Helen: Y-yes, but it was the most awesome map ever!

Yuma: _**NO, IT WASN'T!!!! YOU DREW THAT ##^%$*%$&$#%$# THING WITH THE INTENT OF GETTING ME HOPLESSLY LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Helen: (Inner Thought: Wow, Yuma cursed….)

Miria: Helen, is that true?

Yuma: _**OF COURSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK AT THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_

She waves the map in Miria's face. Miria takes the map from Yuma and looks at it.

Miria: No wonder you got lost. (Helen: Uh oh. I'm dead. Goodbye cruel world. It… well it kinda sucked.) Yuma, you know when you have a map you have to take extra care to make sure that it doesn't get damaged. I mean everything is completely blurred. That probably happened when you fell in the hot spring or the avalanche. You can't blame Helen for this.

Helen: What? I mean, yes thank you Miria. I don't need an apology.

Yuma: _**WHAT?!!!!!!! BUT BUT BUT IT WAS MESSED UP BEFORE!!!!!!!! THERE WERE ONLY SQUIGGLES DRAWN ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Miria: _Sigh_ Helen, did you draw squiggles on a piece of paper and give it to Yuma to use as a map?

Helen: No. (Inner Helen: There were triangles too.)

Yuma: _**SHE'S LYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Miria: I'm sorry Yuma, but without proof I can't do anything. I'm glad that you're back.

Everyone walks away. Helen walks away backwards too afraid to turn her back to Yuma.

Yuma: _**OH, THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SOOOOOOOOOO GOING TO GET HER BACK FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I RULED THE WORLD THIS KIND OF THING WOULD NEVER HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_ _If I ruled_……………… _**THAT'S IT!!!! I KNOW WHAT I WILL DO NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONCE MY PLAN OF WORLD DOMINATION SUCCEEDS THEN I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE ON HELEN AND MAKE HER LIFE A LIVING NIGHMARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Yuma walks towards the rest of the group laughing insanely to herself. Everyone casts nervous glances at each other. During the next few weeks everyone kept their distance from Yuma because she would randomly burst out in insane giggles. I'm Better Than You Claymore, Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore, and Brains Who Needs Them Claymore were eventually found by Read Every Book Known To Exist Claymore a month later. They tried telling Read Every Book Known To Exist Claymore about the wonderful talking rock and tree, but she didn't believe them and told them that there was a new spa built back at the organization and that they were chosen to try it out first. They got back in record time; four hours. Yuma, in the mean time, was beginning constructing her plan for world domination, while an unsuspecting Helen happily ate everything in sight.


	36. A Claymore Thanksgiving

A Claymore Thanksgiving

She must be in heaven. That was the only explanation. This was just too wonderful for it to be real. She had to be dead. She looks around with wide sparkling eyes, her mouth watering at the sight in front of her. Before her are rows and rows of tables covered in nothing but food. There were at least four tables with all kinds of apple dishes on them. She couldn't believe there were so many possibilities with apples. These tables were her favorite. She moved on to look at the other tables. There were many tables of all kinds of deserts, meats, and bread. She was _soooooooooooo_ happy. She never wanted to leave.

Deneve: What's she doing?

Clare: I don't know. It looks like she's trying to eat her pillow.

Deneve: I see that, but why?

Clare: Who cares? Knowing her she's probably dreaming of food. Hey, look at all the drool!

Miria: What are you two doing?

Deneve: Watching Helen eat her pillow.

Clare: Watching Helen drown in her drool.

Miria: What?! Why didn't you wake her up?!!!

Clare: It's more fun to watch, (Deneve nods her head in agreement.) but if you want me to wake her up then I will. (Raises her hand.)

Miria: NO! DON'T HIT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clare: Fine! (Turns towards Helen with an evil smirk on her face.) _**OH NO!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE ATE ALL THE APPLES IN THE WORLD AND NOW YOU'LL NEVER EAT ANOTHER APPLE FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Helen's eyes snap open and her face has a look of pure horror and despair.

Helen: _**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THE APPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANYTHING BUT THE APPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_(Weeping) **_MMMMYYYYYY PPPPOOOOOOOOORRRRR AAAAPPPPPPPPLLLLEEEESSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN I EVER LIVE WITHOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

Helen and Clare are rolling on the floor laughing while Helen weeps about the loss of her precious apples. Miria, on the other hand, looks as if she's developed some sort of a migraine.

Helen: _**WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY PAIN IS NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEITHER IS THE FACT THAT ALL THE APPLES IN THE WORLD ARE NOW GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_(Wailing)

This makes Clare and Deneve laugh harder.

Miria: _Sigh_ Helen….

Helen: _**SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clare and Deneve are now laughing so hard they can't breathe.

Miria: Helen! Your precious apples are safe! Clare thought that was an appropriate way to wake someone! (Glares at Clare who is still rolling on the ground laughing.)

Helen: There are still apples in the world? _Sniff_

Miria: Yes.

Helen: You mean that apples can still spread their apply cheer to everyone? (Her eyes light up with hope again.)

Miria: ……Yes. (Exasperated)

Helen: Yay! Apples!!!! (She gets up and starts jumping up and down.)

Helen is so happy that apples still exist she completely forgets Clare was the one who lied to her. Miria's migraine starts to get worse and Clare and Deneve take that as their cue to leave. Now that their fun had been ruined they had no reason to stay and face Miria's wrath. Helen suddenly remembers her wonderful dream and stops them by grabbing their arms.

Helen: I had the best dream ever!

Clare: So?

Helen: Well, it has given me an awesome idea.

Deneve: No thanks.

Helen: Why not? You haven't even heard my idea!

Deneve: You're "awesome" (Everyone could hear the quotation marks when she said it.) ideas always end in disaster!

Helen: Do not! (Deneve looks at Helen.) Ok, maybe there were a few unfortunate incidents, but this is an awesome idea! We can have a huge meal!!! You know everyone make a whole bunch of dishes and then we eat them all tonight!!!

Deneve: We're in the middle of a waste land. There's no way we can have a huge meal like that. Besides, we don't eat like that; well, except you.

Miria: I don't think this will be possible.

Helen: Why not? (Whining.)

Miria: Well, it would be a waste of food for one thing.

Helen: Nuh-uh! (Still whining.) We can eat leftovers! (Clare: Yeah, for the next millennium. _Smack!_ Ouch!) Don't be so pessimistic Clare. It won't take that long. I eat a lot. (Smiles) Besides, it will help build team moral! (Deneve: Doubtful. _Wham!_ Ouch!) _Whack!_ (Deneve hits her.) Owww! See Miria, we desperately need an exercise in team building that doesn't involve violence. (Gives Miria her best sad puppy dog eyes.)

Miria: ….Fine, but you're in charge of the organization.

Helen: Yay!!! This is going to be sooooooooo much fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come on, Clare and Deneve let's go make lots of food for tonight!

Clare: _**MIRIA!**_

Deneve: _**SAVE US!**_

Miria: Why? It's more fun to watch. Think of this as punishment for watching Helen nearly drown in her drool.

Miria walks away leaving Clare and Deneve to their fates.

_Many hours later_

Deneve: I can't believe Helen made us do all the work!

Clare: Heh Heh Heh (Extremely evil laugh.)

Deneve: All she did was sit there and order us around and where did she find all this food?! There's _nothing_ here! It's impossible! What did she do?! Sneak away in the middle of the night and rob the entire western region of food?!

Clare: _Peeerfect…._

Deneve: Clare! Are you listening to me?!

Clare turns around and looks at Deneve confused.

Clare: What? (Hiding something behind her back.)

Deneve: I was talking to you! (Notices she's hiding something behind her back.) Hey, what's that?

Clare: Uh, nothing. (Backs away from her.)

Deneve: Yeah right. Let me see. (Tries to grab her arm.)

Clare: No! It's mine!

Clare tries to avoid Deneve and hide the thing behind her back. Deneve manages to corner her.

Deneve: If you don't show me I'll tell Miria.

Clare: No, come on, don't be a tattletale.

Deneve: Oh, name calling, that's another one!

Clare: Fine!

Clare shows Deneve what she was attempting to hide. It was brown and looked like it was impersonating a pie.

Deneve: What is that?

Clare: A pie.

Deneve leans in to take a closer look at the so called pie. It looks familiar, but she can't quite place where she's seen something that looks like that. She smells it and finally it hits her.

Deneve: CLARE! THAT'S NOT A PIE!!!!

Clare: It is too a pie!!!

Deneve: THAT'S MUD IN A DISH!!!!

Clare: Wrong! It's a mud pie.

Deneve: ………….

Clare: What?

Deneve: WE CAN'T EAT THAT!!!!!

Clare: I know that and you know that, but Helen doesn't. (Evil smile forming on her face.)

Deneve: ….. Helen would eat anything……. (Evil smile forming on her face.)

Helen: (Calling from outside.) Hey, what are you guys doing?!

Clare/ Deneve: Nothing. (Sickening sweet tone and smiling evilly.)

_Later that evening_

Helen: Ok, it's time to eat. Come on everyone! See the wonderful meal I've prepared for all of you!

Deneve: What do you mean _you prepared_?! Clare and I did all the work! You just sat there day dreaming about apples!

Helen: Well, it _was_ my idea. So, I get to take all the credit.

Deneve: Helen…..

Cynthia: It's ok Deneve. We all know that Helen is the second worst cook here and that there is no way she would've been able to make all this by herself.

Tabitha: Yeah, let's just get this over with.

Yuma: Uh… Where's Clare?

Clare: I'm right here. I had to go pick up something. (Dragging something with her.)

Miria: Clare…. Why?

Helen: CLARE! WHAT'S THAT?!

Clare: It's Snow Raki.

Helen: YOU CAN'T BRING THAT _THING_ TO MY DINNER!!!

Clare: I CAN TOO!!! AND IT'S NOT A THING!!!! IT'S SNOW RAKI!!!!

Helen: IT'S MY DINNER AND YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT I SAY!!!! MIRIA SAID SO!!!

Miria: _Sigh_ Helen, she can bring her snowman in.

Helen: But…

Clare: Yay!!! Come on Snow Raki! I'll show you where we're sitting!

Clare drags Snow Raki towards the table that Helen conveniently found in an undisclosed location. Helen follows Miria inside stomping all the way to the table. Everyone notices Helen's bad mood and decides to placate her for now. Considering all the food within her reach it could be possibly messy if they tested her temper.

Helen: Ok, now I'll tell you about my dream! It was the most wonderful dream ever! (Clare: Oh, I know Snow Raki, that must have been horrible.) I was dreaming that there were tables and tables covered in nothing but food! (Clare: I agree with you Snow Raki, who cares?) There were also tables covered in nothing but apples dishes! (Clare: Yes, Snow Raki, apples aren't my favorite type of food either.) _CLARE! SHUT UP! HOW DARE YOU INSULT APPLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Miria: Helen! I think it's time to eat.

Helen: Oh yeah, food. Yay! Ok, let's eat!

They all begin to eat. Helen eats with so much excitement that little bits of food are flying everywhere.

Clare: Oh, I totally agree Snow Raki. I don't like messy eaters either. (Helen's eyes twitches.) Look Snow Raki! I can eat this messy sauce thing and not get a single drop on me.

Helen's hand begins to shake, but then she sees pie and forgets all about Clare. Deneve and Clare watch in amazement as Helen eats the entire pie in under a minute.

Deneve: Wow……..

Helen: That was the best pie ever! (Deneve: _Gag!_)

Miria: What was wrong with the pie?

Cynthia: I have an idea! Why don't we go around the table and say what we're thankful for! (Jumping up and down in her chair.)

Tabitha: Oh, that's a wonderful idea!

Clare: Snow Raki and I say it's stupid!

Deneve: I agree with them… I mean her.

Yuma: I think it's a good idea.

Miria: I think my headache is coming back.

Helen: I like it! I go first! I'm thankful for….. (Clare: _Leans towards Deneve_ Bet ya I know what she says.) Apples!!!!! (Clare: I knew it.)

Cynthia: I'm thankful that I'm here with all of you, my dear friends, and that I can spend every waking moment with all of you. (Smiling and radiating happiness and cheer.)

Helen: Uh… Thanks. Next!

Tabitha: I'm thankful for all of Cuddles' babies that I get to play with everyday. (Everyone Shudders.)

Yuma: I'm thankful that everyone lets me hang around even though I'm useless.

Helen: Uh yeah right. Next!

Deneve: I'm thankful for my infinite patience that allows me to keep control of my temper and prevents me from killing Helen in the most horrible ways imaginable. (Smiles sweetly.)

Helen: (Frightened.) Uh… Thanks, I think. Miria!

Miria: Let me think some more. (_I can't think of one right now. How do I say what I'm thankful for without sounding mean?_)

Helen: Clare!

Clare: I'm thankful for Snow Raki. Snow Raki, what are you thankful for? Oh, you're thankful for the song I wrote for you? Why thank you Snow Raki. Of course I'll sing it for you ……_ IIIIIIII'm lookin for my Raki in a tree. Is he there? No I don't think he can be. I'm looking for my Raki in a house. Is he there? No nothing but a mouse. I'm searchin far and wide for my Raki. Where oh where can he really be? I'm goin out huntin for Raki. I will look for an eternity. No one better hurt my Ra-aki. Kill kill kill…._

Helen: _MIRIA BANNED THAT SONG!!! MIRIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

Miria: Clare….

Clare: Oh Snow Raki did you know I wrote you another song……. _Snow Raki Snow Raki I really love my Snow Raki. Snow Raki you are so glisteny and not melty. Oh…._

Helen: _**SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE RUINING MY SPECIAL DAY!!!!!**_

Miria: Helen! (_Yep, headache defiantly returning._) It's starting to get a bit dark. Why don't you go make a fire? (Notices Helen's evil smile.) Away from Clare's snowman. (Clare: Snow Raki!) …_Snow Raki_. (Her right eye is beginning to twitch.)

Helen stomps away mumbling to herself and starts throwing things into a pile to make the fire.

Clare: Of course Snow Raki! Oh, you are soooooo funny! Hahaha!!!

Helen succeeds in starting the fire and glares back at Clare, who is talking to "Snow Raki". She glares for a few moments longer before she is struck with a brilliant idea.

Helen: OH NO!!! (Mock concern.) I'M TRIPPING WITH A FLAMING TORCH IN MY HAND!!! OH NO, I HOPE IT DOESN'T LAND ON ANYTHING THAT COULD MELT!!!!!!!!!!!!

The flaming torch flies in the air towards Snow Raki. Everyone watches its progress towards the unfortunate snowman and Clare is frozen in horror. The torch lands on poor Snow Raki and he melts impossibly fast.

Clare: _**NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SNOW RAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **_(Looks at Helen and sees her evil smirk.) _**YOU!!!!!!!!!! YOU KILLED MY SNOW RAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Helen: _**SO WHAT? YOU RUINED MY SPECIAL DAY!!!!!!!! NOW WE'RE EVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clare: _**YOU KNOW WHAT?! YOU KNOW THAT PIE YOU LOOOOOOOVED SOOOOOOOO MUCH? IT WAS A MUD PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Helen: _Gasp! __**YOU MADE ME EAT A MUD PIE?!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clare: _**I DIDN'T MAKE YOU EAT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST BECAUSE IT'S IN FRONT OF YOU DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO EAT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Miria: I wonder if the others would be mad if I accidently killed them. _Sigh_ Probably. It would also make me a bad leader. I could just tie them up and gag them and leave them in a corner.

Helen: _**YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THE MUD PIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Clare: _**WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR KILLING SNOW RAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

They both lunge and start punching and kicking each other. Everyone watches their fight progress outside, while Miria sits and eats quietly.

Miria: Sit down and finish eating. (They all do as she asked.) I believe I never got my turn. I'm thankful that my migraine is finally gone.

Clare and Helen continue to fight into the night while everyone else finishes their meal and sleeps peacefully. The next day Miria told Yuma and Cynthia to drag their battered bodies back to the cave. They were left in a corner and ignored while the rest of the group enjoyed the leftovers of last night's dinner.


	37. Santa

Santa

A shadow crept along the cave wall past the sleeping friends. It would crouch down every so often next to one of them. When it was done it tip toed back to where it was sleeping and fell asleep anticipating the next morning.

_The next morning_

Helen: Wake up! Wake up! It's here! (Jumping up and down on Miria and Deneve.) It's here! He came! Look!

Deneve: (Mumbling) Who came? (Falls back asleep.)

Helen: Don't fall back asleep! Santa came!!!

Miria: Who's Santa and how did he get in here while we were sleeping?!

Helen: He brings presents to all the good little boys and girls and gives coal to all those who are naughty!

Deneve: Then I don't know why you are so excited. If this Santa person really came, then you probably got nothing but coal.

Helen: _Gasp!_ Take that back!

Deneve: No! You play pranks all the time! Besides there's no way anyone snuck in here while we were sleeping and left things.

Cynthia: Uh… Deneve?

Deneve: What?!

Cynthia holds up a bulging sock. The rest of the group looks around them and discovers they too have socks stuffed with stuff.

Cynthia: I got a pretty doll! (Miria: Why did she get a children's toy?)

Tabitha: I got a really cute teddy bear!!! (Miria: What are we five?)

Yuma: _Squeal!_ (Miria: What happened?!) I got a doll house!!!!! (Miria: A doll house? Wait, how did that fit into a sock?)

Clare: _Gasp!_ I got a doll that you can behead over and over again! _Squeal! _(Miria: Clare can squeal?) It looks like Pricilla! This is completely awesome!!! (Miria: ………..)

Deneve: I got a club….. _Wham!_

Helen: Ouch!!!!!!

Deneve: Wow! I love this present! It's really useful!!!

Miria: _Sigh_ This is going to be a long day.

Helen: MIRIA! WHAT DID YOU GET? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH?

Miria: (Looks in her sock and her face lights up.) I got ear plugs and an eye mask! _Inner thought: Now I don't have to see or hear the stupid things they're going to do today!!!!_

Helen: Ummm… Ok…. Let's see what I got!!!!

Cynthia: What are those black lumps?

Deneve: AHAHAHAHA!!!!! You got coal!!! I told you there was no way you've been good!!!

Yuma: _Inner Thought: Well, there was no way I wasn't going to give her coal especially after the map incident._

Helen: No, wait there more in here….

Deneve: AHAHAHA!!! Half eaten apples!!!

Yuma: _Inner Thought: Hehehehehe I'm a genius…_

Helen: ……. _Gasp!_ I have two whole apples!

Yuma: _Inner Thought: Well it is Christmas…._

They spent the rest of the day together in the cave. Helen got whacked a few more times before Deneve decided to go back asleep. Miria put her new ear plugs in and her eye mask on and was blissfully ignorant to the exploits of her friends. Tabitha, Cynthia, and Yuma sat in a circle playing with their new toys and Clare say in a corner beheading the newly dubbed Pricilla doll repeatedly. It was a good day.


	38. NOOO! NOT THE APPLES!

NOOO!!!!! NOT THE APPLES!!!!!!

Oh, how her head hurt. It felt like somebody was bashing it with their claymore repeatedly. This was worse than when Deneve was trying to _cure_ her ringing ears. Maybe, if she adjusted her head it would ease the pain. Nope. Bad idea. _Very bad idea_. Yep, that definitely had to be the stupidest thing she'd done in a couple of days. Although, not stupider than this morning when she stole Deneve's spare clothes , dressed up as her, and pretended to be her while dancing and singing about all the cute things in the world. She had to admit it was pretty stupid not to foresee Deneve's wrath and the impending doom that would befall her once Deneve saw what she had done. Deneve twisted her into a pretzel, tossed her into the air, and used her claymore to hit her like a ball making her sail into a tree. That _really_ hurt. Although, not as bad as the time Miria kicked her into the great beyond and she landed on her butt and broke it. Now that _really really really_ hurt, but that wasn't the issue now. The issue now was why her head was hurting so much. What was she doing before that could have caused this? She remembered talking to Yuma about something and then the ground flying towards her face. What happened?

Earlier that day….

Yuma: Mwhahahaha!!!! Now, for phase two of Make Helen's Life Totally Miserable!!! For this part I'll need to get Clare to help. That won't be too hard considering she's still mad at Helen for the Snow Raki incident. (Skips off to find Clare.)

Clare: _Oh please Clare!_ _Don't kill me!_(Speaking in a high pitch voice dramatically.)Give me one good reason why I shouldn't. (Clare's normal voice only more dramatic.) _But but Clare, I knew you as a little girl! _You completely ignored me and acted as if I didn't exist. _Uh, I knew Irene. Yeah we were great buddies! She used to shake my hand with that arm! _You ripped her arm off then tried to kill her. _Uh… Ummm… I knew Teresa! Yeah! She was great! _You killed her. _Ummm….. It was an accident?_ DIE PRICILLA!!! _OH NOOOO!!!!!!!_ (Pops the Pricilla doll's head off.) MWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Yuma: (Watched the whole Clare and Pricilla doll scene.) ….. Wow, words can't really describe what I've just seen. (Watching Clare laughing maniacally over the headless Pricilla doll.) Oh well, at least now I get an insane partner to help me with make Helen's life miserable. _Oh Claaaare?_ (Singing voice.)

Clare: MWAHAHAHA…Huh?

Yuma: Do you wanna help with something?

Clare: I don't know… I'm kinda busy right now. (Looks at the headless Pricilla doll in her hand.)

Yuma: I promise it will be _fuuun_.

Clare: Fun? How?

Yuma: Well, we're going to get a little harmless revenge on someone that has had it coming for a _looooong_ time.

Clare: Hmmm…. But I'm kinda having a moment now.

Yuma: Oh well, I thought that you would want to get Helen back for murdering poor defenseless innocent Snow Raki, but I guess not. (Starts walking away.)

Clare: WAIT!!! Why didn't you say that in the first place!!! Of course I'll help you get revenge on Helen!!!

Yuma: _Peeerfect_… Come Clare, let us go and begin making Helen's life miserable!

Clare/Yuma: MWHAHAHAHA!!!!!! (Walk out of the cave together.)

_A Little While Later….._

Helen: (Singing) _Num num nummy num num in my tum tum. Apples I love you!_ _Num num nummy num num in my tum tum. I love to chew you! Num num nummy num num in my tum tum. I can't live without you!_

Yuma: Hey, Helen.

Helen: Huh? Oh, what is it Yuma?

Yuma: Well, I saw something scary over there. Could you come take a look?

Helen: Ok.

Yuma leads Helen away from the safety of the cave.

Yuma: It was over there.

Helen: Where?

Yuma: Over there.

Helen: I don't … (Clare hits the back of Helen's head.) _Ouf! Thud!_

Yuma: Nice one Clare! (Smiles)

Clare: Why thank you! (Smiles)

Yuma: Ok, now we have to tie her up.

They tie her up and begin to drag her lifeless body to a cave they found nearby.

Deneve: What are you two doing?

Clare: Uh… Ummm… (Trying to hide Helen's body.)

Yuma: We were…

Deneve: What did you do to Helen?

Yuma: Uh… She's not dead! We just wanted to get revenge!

Deneve: Oh, well then that's ok. Revenge away my friends. Oh, and make sure you drag her over some rocks so that her head hits them every so often. I'm still mad about her impersonation of me. Don't worry about anything. I won't tell Miria. (Helen's last hope walks away.)

Yuma and Clare drag Helen towards the cave occasionally hitting her head on rocks.

Yuma: Ok Clare, I'll get set up in here. You go get the barrel.

Clare: Ok.

_Back to the Present_

Helen: Ugh… My head hurts. (Opens eyes.) My eyes hurt. I feel like I've been hit with a heavy object then dragged over rocks.

Yuma: _Heeeeeelllloooo_ Helen.

Helen: Yuma?

Clare: Hehehe

Helen: Clare? (Tries to get up.) Hey! Why am I tied up?!

Yuma: Heh heh heh. Now that you're awake we can begin.

Helen: Yuma, what's going on?! Hey! Untie me!

Yuma: Clare, bring it in. (Evil smile beginning to form.)

Clare drags a barrel towards Yuma.

Helen: What's that?

Yuma pulls something roundish out of the barrel.

Helen: (Face lights up.) _Gasp_ It's an apple!!! Oh, thank you Yuma! I love apples!

Yuma: (Sinister) I know.

Yuma tosses the apple to Clare who hits it with the broad side of her claymore sending it to its death making a huge splat on the cave wall.

Helen: _Gaaaaaaassspppp!!!!_ NOOO!!!

Yuma: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (Squeezes the two apples in her hands to mush.)

Helen: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! WHY?!!!

Yuma: Well, this is revenge for that little episode involving the map.

Helen: But that was months ago!!!

Yuma: So what? It took me that long to plan this perfectly! No one will ever believe you!

Helen: But why is Clare helping you?!

Clare: _**YOU KILLED SNOW RAKI!!!**_

Helen: ……. Oh….

Yuma: Clare!

Yuma starts throwing apples at Clare who uses the Wind Cutter to obliterate them. Helen stares in horror at the destruction of the precious apples.

Helen: DON'T HURT THE APPLES!!!!!

Yuma: But Helen, (Pouting.) we're having fun.

Helen: HOW IS MASSACARING POOR DEFENSELESS APPLES FUN?!!!

Clare: Hmmm…. Well, it's a great stress reliever. (Smacks three apples into the wall.)

Helen: ARGH!!! STOP DOING THAT!!!

Yuma: Ok.

Helen: Ok?

Yuma: Yep. Clare, let's go dancing!!!!

Yuma dumps half of the apples on the floor and smiles evilly at Helen.

Helen: W-what are you going to do?

Yuma: Dance.

Yuma and Clare link arms and begin _dancing_ on top of the apples. Helen stares in open mouthed horror as the duo swing each other in a circle while stomping the apples to mush.

Helen: NOOOO STOP!!!!

Clare: What? Dance solo? Ok.

Clare let's go of Yuma and begins her dance solo. She started stomping and slashing and spinning widely around on the apples.

Clare: Take it away Yuma!

Helen: _**NOOO!!!!! NOT THE APPLES!!!!!!**_

Yuma: (Completely ignores Helen.) Gladly Clare.

Yuma starts a whirling stomping number destroying all the apples in her path.

Helen: (Weeping) _NOOO!!!!! NOT THE APPLES!!!!!!_

Clare: **CANNON BALL!!!!!**

Clare takes a flying leap towards the barrel and lands with a loud squishing and crunching sound and sends a wave of apple juice out of the barrel into Helen's weeping face.

Helen: (Banging head on floor.) Make it stop. Make it stop.

Yuma: Helen….

Helen looks up and sees Yuma holding a big rock and looks down to see the last surviving apples on the ground. Yuma grins at Helen and drops the rock splattering Helen with apple bits. Helen promptly faints.

_A few hours later _

Helen: Ugh… I had the most horrible nightmare. I dreamt that Yuma and Clare kidnapped me, tied me up, and forced me to watch them destroy apples. (She opens her eyes and sees the destruction before her.) _**AHHHH!!!! IT REALLY DID HAPPEN!!! OH, MY POOR APPLES WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU?!!!! **__SOB SOB SOB __**I'M GOING TO TELL MIRIA!!! SHE'LL PUNISH THEM FOR HURTING POOR APPLES LIKE THIS!!!!**_

Helen runs out of the apple tomb and finds her way back to the group in record time.

Helen: _**MIRIA!!!**_

Miria: Helen? Why are you a mess?

Helen: _**YUMA AND CLARE KIDNAPPED ME, TIED ME UP, AND THEN MASSACARED A WHOLE BARREL FULL OF APPLES!!!!**_

Miria: Huh?

Helen: _**YUMA AND CLARE KIDNAPPED ME, TIED ME UP, AND THEN MASSACARED A WHOLE BARREL FULL OF APPLES!!!!**_

Miria: What?

Deneve: That's impossible. Clare and Yuma have been here all day.

Helen: _**NO, THEY HAVE NOT!!!**_

Deneve: Yes, they have. I've been here all day. They have not left the cave once the entire day.

Helen: (Eye twitching) _**THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! MIRIA, COME LOOK AT WHAT THEY DID!!!!**_

Helen drags Miria to the apple tomb and the rest of the group follows them in curiosity.

Helen: _**SEE!!!**_

Miria: …… _HELEN! WHAT DID YOU DO?!_

Helen: _**HAHA! YOU TWO ARE SOOO GOING TO GET…. WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! WHAT DID I DO?! I DIDN'T DO THIS!!! THEY DID!!! **_(Points at Yuma and Clare while shrieking.)

Yuma: (Looks innocently confused.) What are you talking about?

Helen: _**DON'T ACT STUPID!!! YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!**_

Yuma: (Tears falling) Why are you yelling at me? I didn't do anything. I have no idea what you're talking about. _I'm not stupid!!!_ _Sob sob sob…_

Helen: (Inner thought: _Oh, she's good. Those are real tears…_)

Miria: It's ok Yuma. Helen! You shouldn't blame others for your messes! Now, apologize to Yuma and Clare!

Helen: _**WHAT?!!! WHY SHOULD I APOLOGIZE TO THEM?!!! THEY TIED ME UP!!!**_

Deneve: You're not tied up now.

Helen: (Glares at Deneve) _**OF COURSE I'M NOT TIED UP NOW!!! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO RUN TO GET ALL OF YOU IF I WAS TIED UP!!! THAT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE!!!**_

Deneve: My point exactly.

Miria: Helen, I don't see any rope around here.

Helen: _**WELL, THEY PROBABLY TOOK IT WITH THEM!!!**_ (Runs over to Clare and Yuma and starts searching for the rope.)

Miria: Helen! Stop that! They don't have it on them!

Helen: _**THEN THEY GOT RID OF IT!!!**_

Miria: How could they get rid of it if they were with Deneve all day?

Helen: _**SHE'S LYING!!!!**_

Miria: Why would she do that?

Helen: _**BECAUSE SHE'S TRYING TO GET BACK AT ME FOR THIS MORNING!!!**_

Miria: She already got you back. She tied you up into a ball then hit you into a tree.

Helen: _**SHE'S STILL TRYING TO GET ME BACK!!!**_

Miria: That's enough!!! Look Helen, there's no proof that Clare and Yuma did this. The cave is a mess and so are you, but Clare and Yuma aren't covered in apple goo. Now, get cleaned up. I'm going back to our non-gooey cave.

Helen: _**THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!**_

Miria: Let it go Helen.

They start to leave Helen in the apple tomb to go back to their cave. Yuma and Clare are the last to start moving. Yuma turns around to face Helen.

Yuma: _Bleh!!!_ (Sticks her tongue out at Helen.)

Helen: _**YUMA!!! GET BACK HERE!!!! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!**_

Yuma: Miria!!! _Sob sob sob _Helen's scaring me!!!!

Miria: HELEN!!! WHAT DID I SAY!!!!

Helen: ………

Miria: _HELEN!!!_

Helen: _**YOU SAID TO LEAVE IT ALONE!!!**_

Helen goes stomping away from them to clean herself up.

Helen: You know…. Yuma is an evil genius.


	39. Stealth Training

A/N: Ok, so I really didn't feel typing Man in Black repeatedly so from this point on in the next 3-4 chapters it will be abbreviated as MIB. This chapter is acutally part of one whole short, but I decided to split it up and post each part separate since this part alone was fairly long and I wasn't done with the others yet and I haven't decided how long I want it to be.

* * *

Training Part 1

My name is Rado. I am in need of a _very_ long vacation. "Why?" You may ask? One little girl is the reason. "But, Rado how could a harmless little girl ever make you want a vacation?" We usually don't get assigned to trainees. However, this one is _special_, and by special I mean super pathetic. "Why don't you guys just ditch her?" Well, we kinda weeded out a _little_ too many soldiers and now we're super low on people and have no choice but to use her. "Awww, she can't be that bad." Hah! Can't be that bad! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Fine, I can see you need some persuasion. I'm going to tell you a story. It's about a little girl named Clarice and her _adventures_ during training….

* * *

_Stealth Training_

Supremely Ugly MIB: Ok, come here. It's time for today's lesson.

All Around Super Genius: What super boring thing are we going to be doing today?

Supremely Ugly MIB: We're going to be working on stealth.

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: Stealth? Hmmmm…. You mean you're going to teach us how to sneak up on people. (Truly evil smile appears) This could be really useful.

Supremely Ugly MIB: Uh, right…(_For some reason I'm really scared._)

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: I agree this could be really useful.

Supremely Ugly MIB: Is it just me or do we seem to attract the severely mentally unhinged?

Mutant of all Mutants MIB: Hmmm…….. I really haven't noticed, but a number of our trainees are a bit….. off.

Supremely Ugly MIB: OK, so here is what we are going to do today. You will all enter this fake town and proceed to the central building without being caught. There will be several of us spread out all over this town. You will have to get past us without getting caught. You are not allowed to kill, maim, or render unconscious any of the guards.

Clarice: What happens if we get caught?

Mutant of all Mutants MIB: You get bopped on the head with this. (Hold up an object that resembles a bat)

Clarice winces and makes a vow to be as stealthy as she can be. Rado, who is listening to the side, gives a sigh and expects Clarice to have a massive headache tomorrow.

_Many hours later_

Clarice: Oh no! I think I'm lost. What do I do now? I've already been hit several times. I wonder if it's thrown off my sense of direction.

Clarice trips on air falling on the MIB who had been lurking around the corner.

Clarice: Owie!!!!

Supremely Disfigured MIB: Ouch! You're supposed to go about as if you were invisible! Not show the entire world where you are!!! _Whack!_

Clarice: Owww!!! Why did you hit me?!

Supremely Disfigured MIB: You get caught. You get hit.

Clarice: That's not fair. (Whining)

Supremely Disfigured MIB: Does it look like I care?

Clarice: No…

Supremely Disfigured MIB: Good. Now get moving.

Clarice: That was totally unfair! It's not like I got caught! I tripped and fell on him! How can that mutated excuse for a human being… _Wham!_ **OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!** **WHAT WAS THAT?!!!** _Twack!!!!_** OWWWW!!!!!!!!! **

More Bandages than a Mummy MIB: Talking to yourself is not a good way to keep yourself hidden!!!

Clarice: Why did I get hit twice!!!

How can you Possibly See with your Eyes Covered MIB: The second time was because I felt like hitting someone.

Clarice: WHAT?! That's not fair!!!

How can you Possibly See with your Eyes Covered MIB: The rest of the class seems to be really good at being stealthy. Well, everyone but you.

More Bandages than a Mummy MIB: So, you're the lucky person that we got to whack.

How can you Possibly See with your Eyes Covered MIB: Actually, you're the only person we've gotten to whack.

More Bandages than a Mummy MIB: It's been a really sad and boring day…. (Looks at Clarice) _Wham!!!!_

Clarice: _**OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!!!!!!!!!!! WHY DID YOU HIT ME AGAIN?!!!!!**_

More Bandages than a Mummy MIB: We told you. We haven't been able to hit anyone. They are just too good at being stealthy and well… you're not. So, I thought I'd hit you again because you're most likely the only one in the class that's still wandering about and we won't get to hit anyone else.

Clarice: _**THAT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!! YOU'RE ONLY SUPPOSE TO HIT US IF WE GET CAUGHT!!! NOT BECAUSE YOU FELL LIKE HITTING SOMEONE!!!!!**_

More Bandages than a Mummy MIB: Well, actually we made the rules and we can change the rules too.

How can you Possibly See with your Eyes Covered MIB: Yeah, so we can hit you multiple times if we want too. _Wham!_

Clarice: _**OUCH!!!!!!**_

More Bandages than a Mummy MIB: Ok, the novelty has worn off. You should get going if you want to finish the course before we die.

Clarice: …………………… (Stomps away) _Whack!!! _**OUCH!!!!**

_Ten hours later_

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: We've been here forever!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't we leave yet?!!!!

All Around Super Genius: I agree, we have been here a very long time. I mean, I finished the course in two minutes and I've been stuck here for twenty two hours.

Blissfully Happy Optimist: (Super happy voice) I'm sure there is an excellent reason why we're still here.

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: Yeah right! I heard that we're still waiting for one person to finish the stupid course!!!

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: Who is it?! I'll beat her up whenever she finally finishes!!!

Blissfully Happy Optimist: Oh, don't be like that. It can't be much longer. I'm sure that there is a really good reason why she has taken so long. (Rainbows and sparkles form around her.)

The Meanest Bully in all the Land, All Around Super Genius, and The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful all stare at her in wonder.

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: …………………………………………….

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: ………….. How does she do that? It's impossible.

All Around Super Genius: Oh no, not at all. You see, when her optimism combines with her unnatural happiness it in essence oozes out of her body and upon impact with the air creates the sparkling we all see. Now, the rainbows are a more curious and seemingly impossible occurrence. The rainbows are formed when the result of the sparkling impacts her extreme blissfulness and rainbows seem to pop of nowhere.

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: You really are a super genius aren't you?

All Around Super Genius: Well, yes.

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: Humble too.

All Around Super Genius: I was just agreeing with a known fact. Anyway, what accounts for the amount of rainbows and sparkles is……..

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: We get it! No more! Please!

Meanwhile Clarice stumbles into the room with her eyes out of focus.

Clarice Hehe… Made it. Hehehe… Wow! There are a lot more of you guys than I remember……..

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: What's wrong with her?

All Around Super Genius: It appears that she was hit so many times that it has caused some unfortunate side effects.

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: Hmmm………. Head injuries have such interesting side effects. (All look at her in fear.) Anyway, weren't you going to beat the one who took so long senseless?

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: I think she's already been beaten senseless. This is just pathetic.

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: What?! You're not going to beat her senseless?!

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: Look at her she's been hit like a hundred times! I just don't have the heart to make it worse. Maybe another day.

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: B-but I was sooooooo looking forward to that! It had become the new purpose in my dark lonely sad life! You can't take that away from me!!!

All Around Super Genius: You'll find a new purpose. Besides, if you want her to be beaten senseless why don't you do it?

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: It's so much more better if you watch it happen. Besides, I don't like to get my hands dirty.

Blissfully Happy Optimist: See! I told you guys it wouldn't be that much longer! This is such a happy day! (The sparkles around her increase in number and almost become blindingly bright, while the rainbows become more brilliant and grow in size.)

Everyone near her, including the MIB look at her in disbelief while Clarice stumbles around attempting to catch the sparkles.

Supremely Ugly MIB: Uh…. Ok, let's go over the results of this exercise. Most of you were able to finish in a timely fashion, (Looks at All Around Super Genius) while it seems that others need to work on speed and stealth. (Looks at Clarice) Anyway, the results are as follows All Around Super Genius finished in two minutes and never once was hit, The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful finished in twenty minutes and was discovered five times, The Meanest Bully in all the land finished in thirty five minutes and was discovered six times. Those are the top three. Now Clarice finished in twenty….. Oh, why don't we call it a day and was discovered 186 times…. Well, at least we didn't die waiting for her to finish.

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: Wait, weren't there only 10 guards in the city? How did she get hit 186 times?

Mutant of all Mutants MIB: That's what I want to know.

Supremely Disfigured MIB: You know I heard that one of us was put in charge of her already.

How can you Possible See with your Eyes Covered MIB: Really? Wow, I really feel sorry for the poor soul that has to deal with her.

Mutant of all Mutants MIB: Me too. If it were me I'd be too embarrassed to let anyone know huh Rado?

Rado: Ahahaha. Yeah, too embarrassed.

At that moment Clarice turns to where she heard Rado's voice and sees him.

Clarice: RAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh! I'm sooooooooo glad that you came!!!! (Runs over to him. Rado desperately pretends that he doesn't know her and that he's just as confused as everyone else as to why she's talking to him.) Rado! For some reason my head really hurts! Do you know why? Hey! Hahaha! There are three of you hahaha that's really funny!!!

Clarice lunges attempting to hug one of the Rados she sees and succeeds in hugging the right one. Rado is now panicking desperately trying to come up with any excuse as to why he would know Clarice. Finding none he hangs his head in shame.

Rado: _Sigh_ Hello Clarice.

All the MIB gasp. To Rado the gasp is like a knife in an existing wound.

Rado: Come on Clarice, it's time to go back.

Supremely Disfigured MIB: Wow, to think Rado is the one in charge of her.

Mutant of all Mutants MIB: Yeah, I wonder what he ever did to deserve that?

More Bandages that a Mummy MIB: I don't know but it had to be really horrible.

* * *

So, there you have it. The worst day of my life. A little girl has brought a dark cloud into my sunny world blocking out all hope of feeling warmth ever again. I'm too depressed to tell anymore of my sad life right now. _Sigh _I'm going to go cry now.


	40. Undercover Training

A/N: Ok, I am sooo sorry that it's been sooo long since I've last updated. I ended catching the cold that just kept on giving and wouldn't go away. So, I haven't felt like doing anything for a while now. Then real life happened so anyway here's part 2 and there will only be a third part and then I'll be moving on to other people and Clarice will go on a vacation for a while. Another note for those who read Helen's Life Lessons I will hopefully update soon.

* * *

Training Part 2

Undercover Training

_Sigh_ I became the source of all the jokes told in the Special Creepy Men Who Wear Black Lounge. Stupid Rimuto, all he does is smirk and say "Oh, I heard that one. It was quite funny" and "You really have no sense of humor". I hope mutant spiders use him as a chew toy someday. You may ask "But Rado, how could they possibly make jokes about you?" Clarice…

* * *

What Ate your Face MIB: Ok, today's class is going to require remedial intelligence to successfully pass.

Face that Frightens Small Children MIB: You will enter this fake town as you did with your stealth training. Only this time, you will go in one at a time and will need to use whatever disguise you can think of to get past our three guards. Ok, let's begin!

* * *

The test began and because All Around Super Genius had the highest grades ever recorded she was chosen to go first. So, she walked with an extremely bored expression into the town. It wasn't long before she came across the three guards they were to disguise themselves for.

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: LikeWhatAreDoingAgain? (Translation: Like what are we doing again?)

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like how am I supposed to like know? I'm like totally better than like everyone else. Like why should I like listen to directions?

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: Like fluffy clouds………

All Around Super Genius: Hmmm… Well, this should be easy.

All Around Super Genius walks to the three guards not even bothering to hide or physically disguise herself.

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: LikeWho'sThat?! (Translation: Like who's that?!)

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like who are you?

All Around Super Genius: I'm not really here.

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like what?

All Around Super Genius: I'm invisible you can't see me.

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: Like wow….

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: ButICanLikeTotallySeeYou! (Translation: But I can like totally see you!)

All Around Super Genius: No you can't, because you see I am air and no one can see air.

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like ok.

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: LikeThisIsSoTotallyAwesome!!! _Gasp!!!_ AirCanLikeTalk!!! (Translation: Like this is so totally awesome!!! _Gasp!!!_ Air can like talk!!!)

All Around Super Genius: Yes, of course air can talk. Now, I must go and do things that air does. Goodbye. (She walks away out of the town.)

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: Like air is nice.

_Hiding in the shadows like all creepy MIB do…_

What Ate your Face MIB: Wow, that was sad.

Face that Frightens Small Children MIB: Yep, I think that my brain was somehow damaged by those three's stupidity.

What Ate your Face MIB: Yeah, me too. Well, here comes the next one.

_Back to the smartest people ever…_

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: _Sigh _This is stupid! Why do we have to do this anyway?!

She kicks a rock and it hits I'm Better Than You Claymore in the back of her head.

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like Ouch!!!

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: Like flying rock…

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: (Evil smile spreading across her face.) Oh, this will be fun.

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: LikeWowFlyingRocks!!! (Translation: Like wow flying rocks!!!)

The Meanest Bully in all the Land picks up a handful of rocks and approaches the trio. She stops a little way from them and starts looking for the perfect rock from the selection she has in her hand. Once she finds a nice round shaped rock, she throws it at Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore hitting her in the head.

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: OwwwThatLikeTotallyHurt!!! (Translation: Owww That like totally hurt!!!)

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: (Turns around and points at The Meanest Bully in all the Land who takes another rock and throws it nailing her in the middle of her forehead.) ….Like……Owww…..

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like what's happening (A rock hits her.) Like Owww! Like who you do you like think you are?! Like throwing a rock at like me like the most totally awesome person like ever?! (Get's hit by another rock.) Like Owww!!! Like stop that!!!

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: I can't.

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like why can't you stop?!

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: Because I am a rock throwing wall. I can't stop throwing rocks at you because part of being a rock throwing wall means that I throw rocks at things.

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: LikeWow!!! LikeARockThrowingWall!!! (Translation: Like wow!!! Like a rock throwing wall!!!) (She gets hit by another rock.) LikeOwww!!!! (Translation: Like Owww!!!)

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: Like….talking wall….

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: _Gasp!!!_ LikeNotOnly LikeA RockThrowingWall!!!!! _Gasp!!!_ LikeATalkingRockThrowingWall!!! Gasp!!!(Translation: _Gasp!!!_ Like not only like a rock throwing wall!!!!! _Gasp!!!_ Like a talking rock throwing wall!!!) That'sLikeSoTotallyAwesome!!! OWWW (She gets hit by a rock.) (Translation: That's like so totally awesome!!!)

The Meanest Bully in all the Land: Well as much as I would like to stay here throwing rocks at you the rest of the day, there are other people who haven't experienced the wonder of getting hit by one of my rocks. (She starts walking away.)

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like whatever… OWWWW!!!! (This time a large chunk of a wall lands on her head.)

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: (Eyes wide.) …Like……wow….

What Ate your Face MIB: _Sigh_

Face that Frightens Small Children MIB: Who's next?

What Ate your Face MIB: Clarice.

Clarice: Ok, now to prove myself! I can do it! Ok, there they are. All I have to do is fool them with my awesome librarian disguise! (She creeps towards them and prepares to show herself.)

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: …. Like…. Suspicious person…..

What Ate your Face MIB: Wow! I didn't know she knew a big word like that!

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like who are you?

Clarice: I'm the librarian from that library over there. (She points to a random building.)

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like what's a librarian?

Clarice: Huh? It's the person that watches the books in a library.

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: LikeWhat'sALibrary!!! _Gasp_! LikeWhatAreBooks!!! (Translation: Like what's a library!!! _Gasp_! Like what are books!!!)

Clarice: Books? You know they are about this size (She mimes a rectangle.) and you open them and there's paper inside with writing and sometimes pictures and you read what's inside.

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like yeah right. There's like no totally way that there can like be something like that.

Clarice: There is and a librarian looks after them!

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: Like… I don't get it….

Drank Way Too Many Espressos Claymore: LikeThere'sLikeNoTotallyWay!!!! (Translation: Like there's like no totally way!!!)

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like I agree. I like think that you're lying and what I like think is like way more totally right that like anyone else. (They all start advancing on Clarice.)

What Ate your Face MIB: _Sigh_ She even managed to mess this one up.

Face that Frightens Small Children MIB: Looks like this is going to be ugly.

Clarice: Uh… I… Oh come on! Give me a break!!!

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: (Sweet voice) Ummm… Excuse me?

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: Like… person………

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like what now?! (Turns around and sees The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful.) Like who are you?

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: (Menacingly sweet voice) Who me?

I'm Better Than You Claymore: Like yeah, who else would I like be talking to?

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: (Menacingly sweet voice) Oh, that's easy. (Creepy smile) I'm…………… _**THE MOST TERRIFYING MONSTER YOU'VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR ENTIRE MISERABLE LIVES!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!**_

The three stupid Claymores: _**LIKE ARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_ (They run away screaming and crying.)

Clarice: Ummm… Thanks.

The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful: I didn't do that for you. I got tired of waiting for you to finish.

Clarice: Oh….

_Meanwhile…._

Blissfully Happy Optimist: Hmmm… What's that?

The three stupid Claymores: _**LIKE ARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

Blissfully Happy Optimist: Oh dear! (Sparkles beginning to form.) I'm not a monster. I'm the claymore fairy and I spread happiness and cheer around to all the good little claymores in the world. (Rainbows and sparkles blinding them.)

Brains Who Needs Them Claymore: Like… wow…

_Later…_

What Ate your Face MIB: _Sigh_ Ok, here are the results…. Clarice failed, her librarian disguise was a complete fiasco, The Most Sadistic Person Since Riful passed by using the disguise of the most terrifying monster you've ever seen in your miserable lives, Blissfully Happy Optimist passed by using the disguise of the claymore fairy, The Meanest Bully in all the Land passed by using the disguise of a wall that throws rocks at people, and All Around Super Genius passed by being air.

Clarice: WHAT?! I mean the monster one I understand she scared them senseless, but a rock throwing wall?! Claymore fairy?! _**AIR?!!!**_ (Her voice cracked on the last one.) Those aren't even disguises! _NO ONE WITH A SHREAD OF SENSE WOULD BELIEVE THAT!!!!_ _**WHY WAS I THE ONLY ONE TO FAIL WHEN I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT HAD AN ACTUAL DISGUISE?!!!!**_

Face that Frightens Small Children MIB: The objective of this exercise was to disguise yourself in accordance to their limited intelligence, which you did not do. You did not follow directions and was caught, therefore you fail.

Clarice: B-b-but…

What Ate your Face MIB: No arguing!

Clarice: (Mumbling) Stupid mutants.

Face that Frightens Small Children MIB: What was that?

Clarice: (Pouting) Nothing….

* * *

That's what happened. _Sigh_ Why me……..


End file.
